Page 53 of Shake the Habit

“After everything that happened in the past, I was so afraid,” Aunt Paula continued. She also sounded choked up. “But Kayleigh, you got yourself together. That bastard is dead now and that chapter of your life is over.”

“Paula,” Aria’s husband said, but she kept going.

“He’ll never hurt another little girl.”

There was dead silence in the room.

“Aunt Paula, we’re not going to discuss that today,” my father told her, and she said no, of course not, and she was sorry.

“It’s been on my mind and I…I’m sorry,” she repeated. She looked stricken, and so did Aria. Cain, her husband, put his arm around her and she put her face down on her baby’s auburn curls.

“I’ll go get…” My mind blanked, but I walked out of the room, my feet moving automatically. Then I stood in the kitchen and rubbed my eyes. I could still hear Aunt Paula apologizing in the living room. Everyone out there knew what she was talking about, because Cassidy must have related the story to her new husband, and Aria had told Cain before they’d gotten married. I’d let my parents know just before I went to rehab for the first time, but they had been in the dark about it for years. The news had spread like lightning to Aunt Paula and the rest of the family once it was out.

The only person in this house who hadn’t been aware of all that ugliness was Caleb. Why did he have to know about it? Why couldn’t it have just stayed buried?

“Kayleigh, are you all right?” my mother asked me from the doorway. I watched her eyes skate around the room, and I was aware of what she was searching for.

“I’m not in here drinking,” I said. My voice was too loud, but I didn’t care. “I’m not in here pouring liquor down my throat as fast as I can. You don’t need to monitor me.”

“I wasn’t,” she said, but she had been. They all were, always, and I knew why: because they loved me and they cared about my welfare and my future. I should have felt grateful for that.

At the moment, it made me furious.

“Everyone’s always watching, waiting for me to slip up. You’re all doing a mental countdown until I relapse.”

My dad had joined her, and Cassidy followed him. Aria came right behind and so did their husbands, and then Aunt Paula, too. And Caleb. All their eyes were on me now.

“I know you were watching me at your wedding,” I said to Cass. “Every time I picked up a glass, I expected someone to come over and taste test it. Your wonderful time in Hawaii had that stress because I was there.”

“I wanted you there,” Cassidy answered. “It wouldn’t have been anything for me if you hadn’t been.”

“But you were watching,” I repeated, and she didn’t deny it. “I’m so tired of it. I’m so tired of being a specimen in a science class. I love y’all so much and I get it, but it wears me out. Can we let the past be over? Please?” No, because it wouldn’t end for them, and it certainly wouldn’t for me. I turned to my aunt. “That man is part of the past, and I don’t ever want to talk about him again. Do you hear me, Aunt Paula? Never. He’s dead and all that died with him.”

I looked at Caleb, expecting to see confusion on his face but—

My Lord. He knew?

“I’m going to clear the dishes,” I heard myself say, and they parted, Red Sea-style, to allow me to leave the kitchen. Instead of walking into the dining room, though, I went to the stairs.

“Sir,” I called when I got to the top, and he jingled his collar and trotted after me. We went into my bedroom and I locked the door, like I was a child or a stupid teenager. Except, when I’d been in my teens, my parents had taken off the door to mybedroom to keep a better eye on me, so I wouldn’t be able to smoke, drink, or sneak out. I’d still done all of those things.

Sir and I lay down on the bed and I hugged him and closed my eyes, and after a while, I heard cars start to leave the driveway. I hadn’t meant to ruin the party, but there it was. “I’m sorry,” I told my dog, and he licked my cheek. He didn’t mind too much. “We can go for a run,” I suggested. “Would you like that?”

He seemed amenable, so I changed out of the dress I’d worn and into my running clothes. We didn’t see Caleb downstairs before we left, but honestly, we were sneaking. I didn’t want to see him just yet.

We ran for a long way, out of Old Town, on a lot of back roads that led us far enough that I didn’t know where we were. I’d brought water and Sir’s collapsible bowl, and I finally stopped so we could both drink. He lay down afterwards and then he wouldn’t move, and I didn’t blame him much. I was tired, too.

“We have to get home,” I reminded him. “We can’t live on the side of this street.” There were no houses around here but people owned this land, and they probably didn’t need a constantly hungry dog or mess of a woman in their lives. I’d cried a little bit as I ran and I started again, sniffling as I sent a text message with our location.

“We went really far,” I wrote. “I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing.” But now, my legs were shaking like they weren’t going to work correctly if I tried to use them again. I sat in a heap next to Sir.

Caleb wrote back right away. “You ran for six miles,” he replied, which meant he’d been watching our route. “I was just leaving to come get you.” I watched the dot of his location get closer and closer and I told Sir not to worry.

“He’s on his way,” I said, and the dog did pick up his head well before I could hear the noises that the old truck made. He woofed quietly, too, and his tail wagged.

“Did she tire you out?” Caleb asked when he pulled over onto the shoulder with us. “Come here, I’ll help you.” He did help Sir, and then he turned to me. “Did you tire yourself out, too?”

Yes, and he had to pull me to my feet because I was extremely wobbly now, and not just my legs. “I went too far,” I explained, and that covered all of my actions for the day.

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