Page 74 of Crazy About Love (All About Love)

He shakes his head, his blond hair flopping across his forehead, eyes still closed and breathing ragged. I slide my hands from his neck down his chest and let them rest there until I’ve found my footing.

“I’m…going to crash here,” he says, his eyelids floating open to reveal dark pupils and swirling green irises. “If you want to sleep in your own bed, I can watch out for you.”

I swallow hard. “Liz will freak out if she wakes up and I’m not there.” It’s an excuse. If I’m in this room for another second I’ll be taking advantage of our being alone, and it isn’t right, especially after sharing a bed with someone whose name I didn’t even know.

I step out from his arms, breathing in the suddenly cold air. Alec takes a deep breath as well, attempting a smile when he looks at me.

“Was that epic enough for you?” he asks, pushing back a laugh. The tightness in my chest loosens, and I step forward and wrap my arms around him in gratitude.

“I will definitely remember that one.”

His body shakes under my cheek, and he presses another friendly kiss to my head. He sways me to a song he must have running through his mind, and I wish he’d start humming it so I could hear the perfect melody in his practiced voice.

“I have a request,” he says. “As a friend looking out for another friend.”

“Okay…”

“Order background checks for your conquests.”

That gets a genuine, freeing laugh out of me. I pinch his side and pull away before he can pinch me back.

“I’ll do what I can.”

“Good. I don’t think I can stand another rat bastard taking advantage of you.”

My body starts tingling again, and I bite back my smile at his words. These are the moments when I believe that he might still have deeper feelings for me despite his words to the contrary, but I ignore them because I can’t bear the thought of it being true—or, more selfishly, beinguntrue.

He watches me as I tiptoe back down the hall to Liz’s place, and we whisper good nights to each other before locking ourselves in. It seems silly to spend the night somewhere else, but safer. I bring my hand up to my lips, touching them as I crawl back into the bed next to Liz.

He’s switched a light on inside of me. Instead of feeling hopeless and lost and unworthy, I feel like maybe I can turn this around. Become a person deserving of a forever kind of love.

I decide right then and there to take a page out of Liz’s book: the next time I have sex, it’ll be with someone I could love forever, no matter how long it takes to find him.

The last thought I have before falling asleep is whether the ring Eli gave me is also on the list of casualties. Then I don’t allow it to take up any more room in my head.

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