Page 57 of Flirty Thirty

His silence is just as earth-shattering.

“Then we have to stop this now, please.” I sniff, a sharp pain slicing through the back of my throat from choking back all my tears. Cooper shakes his head, taking my hand and putting it to his lips.

“I don’t think I can,” he says. “You have become so much more than just the beautiful woman I saw on the street. So much more than my savvy realtor. So much more than the crazy cat lady.”

We both let out a sad laugh at his words, and he takes my moment of weakness to step into me, hold me close, pattern kisses over my cheeks and across the bridge of my nose. “I don’t want to let you go.”

It takes every ounce of strength I have to push away, to coax his hands from my skin, to replace his warmth and comfort with something cold and lonely. I take a step back, my stomach tossing in a whirlwind of heavy, thick tar, my voice a distant cousin that I don’t recognize. “I won’t have kids,” I say, knowing my words are carefully chosen. “I’m not going to change my mind, and… I don’t want to change yours.”

His eyes break again, his voice cracking and shattering my heart in two. “This can’t be it. This can’t be how it ends between us.”

“Please… please go.” I slam my eyes shut, but I can feel him a breath away again, closing the gaps between us and filling it with his comforting body heat. “Cooper, please just go.” He needs to go. He needs to leave before I tell him the truth, before I give in and marry him on the spot. I can’t take away a family from him. I won’t.

His hands are suddenly, softly on my cheeks; the warmth spreads from his palms and sinks into my skin. He taps a gentle kiss against my lips, a kiss that doesn’t feel like his many others—the kisses that were persuading and meant to snare me into a moment of weakness. No, this kiss is warm and loving, kind and understanding, saddened and afraid.

“I’m sorry for lying to you,” he says as our lips part. “For stupidly assuming everyone wants what I want, for trying to change your mind when I said I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t dream of asking you to give up anything just for me.” He puts his forehead against mine, breathing in, inhaling like I’m inhaling, like we don’t want this to end, that we’d both like to bask in it forever.

His eyes open to mine, the dark pools so unbelievably heartbroken and hurt that I nearly tell him to forget everything I’ve said. “So… I’m gonna walk away, but it isnotbecause I don’t love you.”

He presses a long, lingering kiss to my forehead, drawing back so suddenly that I don’t see his face before he turns. He slips into his shoes, not giving me a second glance as he pulls open the front door and steps out into the starry night. Theclickof the door as it shuts in place behind him sets off the flurry of tears I’ve kept just under the surface. I plummet to the floor, grasping at anything warm and soft to press my face into. Now I’ve lost both things I never wanted, and it’s more devastating than anything I’ve ever experienced.

I didn’t ask him to leave because I didn’t love him, and I wish I would’ve said that before he walked out.

24

Missed Kiss

“Maya, you have a call on line three.”

I run a hand over my forehead, hoping that I can rub out the little drummer boy who’s made a permanent home there.

“Take a message?” I ask Sarah. “I think I’m gonna head home.”

The corners of her mouth turn down, and her lips part like she wants to tell me whatever thoughts she has on my sour mood, but she thinks better of it and ducks out of my office.

It’s been a painfully long twenty-seven days of seeing Cooper and not being able to touch, kiss, or tell him how I really feel. And he seems in just as much pain as I am, jaw always ticking as we wander around houses, like he’s holding back everything and nothing all at the same time. Each showing ends the same—Cooper finding one imperfection with the place and asking if I know of anywhere else. Part of me wonders if he’s truly dissatisfied or if it’s a roundabout way of spending more time with me. We have another appointment in a few minutes, and I’m about ready to tell Sarah to take the lead on it. It’s become more painful than exciting to see Cooper and help him pick a house he wants to start a family in.

The message light on my cell blinks, and my fingers slip off my drawer handle as I try to get some aspirin in me. He’s early again. Always early. It’s probably the only thing we have in common, aside from the fact that we’re absolutely and totally in love with each other.

I quickly toss back the Advil and wash it down while clacking a response to Cooper. This better be the house he wants. Then it’s very little face time until he signs everything.

“Maya?” Sarah says, poking her head in so cautiously I start to wonder if she’s caught me crying or throwing things one too many times. “Mr. Sterling’s here.”

I push my drawer shut. “Feel like doing a showing for me?”

She humors me with a laugh, but she shakes her head and crosses the room. Her hands clasp around my wrists, and she pulls with all her might to get my mopey butt out of my chair.

“Think Cabo,” she says, fixing my blazer. “Warm sand and blue drinks and no drama.”

And no Cooper. Ugh, now all my dreams of traveling and beaches involve not some random islander, but a particular blond-haired, blue-eyed hunk of a man with a solid gold heart.

I let out a long groan, and Sarah says, “No, no… we’re going to pull ourselves together.” She ignores my frowny face and reaches up to fix my hair and makeup. Even if I didn’t know her, I’d know she was a mom with the way she’s handling me with equal amounts of tough love and concern. A soft sting pokes at my stomach, and I chase away the jealousy before it overwhelms me.

“He’s just another client,” she says, adjusting my collar. “He just wants to find a home. Help him out and then it’s vacation and much needed R&R time.”

She’s right. I’ll hand over keys and seal this puppy up and never see him again. I’ll go back to fun and flings and dreams of traveling the world on my own. And he can find his girl and have lots of babies and forget all about me.

Why does what I’ve always wanted sound so… not me anymore?

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