Page 49 of No Interest in Love

The air around us fuzzes, and I have an inexplicable urge to say something, touch something, do anything, because I don’t want her to feel like shit. But instead I blurt out something else not entirely off the subject but enough to get us off the topic of her parents.

“So what happened to him?”

“Huh?”

“Guy you slept with but didn’tsleepwith.”

I feel her shoulders move in a shrug. “We didn’t work. He was a total Barney.”

“You speaking Korean again?” I joke. Her hip bumps into my stomach again when she laughs.

“Sorry, I forget that you’re actually listening to me. It’s rare.”

“I only tune out when you lecture me on lines and auditions and boring crap.”

“Boring crap that is your job.”

I ignore her, noticing my hand is still on her knee. I quickly pull it back. “So what’s a ‘Barney’?”

“You’re not the only fan ofHow I Met Your Mother.”

My mouth parts into a grin. I don’t remember telling her about my fondness for the show, but since it’s such a big part of my life, I’m not surprised. I am a bit surprised she remembers it, though.

“That show is legen…wait for it…”

“…dary,” she finishes for me. “Well, I’m talking about Barney from the show.”

“Best character ever.”

“I figured you’d relate to him.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” I pretend to straighten a tie.

“Well, he was a Barney and, no offense to all you Barneys out there, I want a Ted.” She smacks me when I scoff at her. “Ted is adorable!”

“Exactly,” I say, grimacing at that ridiculous word. “Ted’s a buzzkill. He looked for ten seasons for ‘the one.’ ”

“You believe in Sasquatch, but not ‘the one’?”

“Sasquatch is real. There’s evidence.”

“Now you sound like Marshall,” she laughs, bringing up the other major character on the show. Then we get into aHow I Met Your Motherdebate, arguing almost all plot points and character development, and I’m pretty sure we’ve been fighting for an hour and half before she finally relents.

“Okay! So Barney is the most interesting character.”

“Damn straight.”

“But I still want a Ted.”

“You’re gonna die alone.”

“ ‘Things you never say to a woman.’ ”

“ ‘You on your period?’ ”

“ ‘You sure you want to wearthat?’ ”

“ ‘Make me a sandwich.’ ”

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