Page 28 of Double Trouble

I snort so loud that it hurts my throat. Tanner… rush? His brow furrows at my reaction, and I close the very wide gap he put between us.

“Tanner, you wouldn’t even hold my hand.”

“I know.”

I tilt my head, concern curling its way across my forehead. What I love so much about Tanner is his strength, his humor, his loyalty… It’s so strange to see him so vulnerable, to see such fear in his eyes, shaking his hands, stuttering his breathing. The desire to be the rock for him in this moment is so strong that I forget the fact that I might shatter his heart. I take his shaking hand and interlock my fingers with his.

“You can rush with me,” I assure him.

He shakes his head. “I can’t.”

“I want you to kiss me, Tanner. I want you to touch me.” I squeeze his hand. “I just… don’t want to have sex on this half-pipe.”

He jerks his head toward me. “I wasn’t even thinking about that.”

I give him a look. “Come on. I can’t be the only one.”

“Well… I wasn’t thinking about it seriously.”

A silent chuckle rumbles my chest, and I rest my head on his shoulder. “Okay, since we’re entering a more-than-friends territory, maybe some guidelines would be helpful.”

“Yes, please.” His eyes drop to our interlocked hands. “I don’t want to mess this up.”

Like he’d be the one to mess it up. I’ll most likely be the one choosing everything over him, which isn’t fair, and again, makes me a horrible person for even moving into this halfway committed relationship with him.

“What worries you most?” I ask. “So I know where to start.”

He scratches the back of his head, messing his hair further. “You said you want me to touch you… In what way?”

“All ways,” I say, eyeing his reaction with amusement. He raises an eyebrow, almost asking me to elaborate. “Tanner… I’m twenty-five. I haven’t had a lot of relationships, but there are some notches on my bedpost. If things are leading that direction, and we’re not, you know, trespassing, then I’m good with taking things fast if you are.”

He nods, like he’s internally taking notes, but I’m waiting for him to ease my mind.

“So… are you?”

“What?”

“Good with sex?”

He swallows hard and meets my eyes. “Not with you.”

“Oh.” Well, that’s just awesome. I drop his hand, but he immediately goes for it again.

“Sorry, that came out way wrong.”

“How else was it supposed to come out?”

He lets out a hollow laugh at himself, then meets my eyes. “Look… you’re much more important to me than a ‘notch in my bedpost,’ so I don’t want to do that until I know it’s for the long haul.”

“Oh.”

He frowns. “You sound disappointed.”

“No. You just keep saying things that scare me and make me want to jump you. It’s a very complicated emotion.”

The corner of his lip lifts, and he looks down at our hands. “The last thing I want to do is scare you. Believe me, I’m a pro at frightening off girls.”

“I have a hard time believing that.” Tanner is the most non-threatening person. I rest my head on his shoulder and try to fight the temptation to stop talking and keep kissing. “So… sex is off the table.”Boo. “But hand holding is a definite yes?”

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