Page 46 of Double Trouble

He nods once and echoes my position. He takes a deep breath and gulps. “Why don’t you want me to get married?”

We’re going for honesty. Not hiding. Jitters run up and down my spine, but I close my eyes and picture myself on a board. It’s just a drop-in right now. I’m dropping into the conversation, and once I’m in it, I’ll get in the groove. “I don’t want to lose you.”

He jerks back, unprepared for my response. “Lose me how?”

“As a brother, a roommate…” I shake my head and drop my gaze to my lap. “A best friend.”

He’s quiet, probably digesting what I said longer than I digested my lasagna.

“Okay, first off… you’re not losing me as a brother. I mean, that’s kind of a forever deal, if I remember right.”

I throw a good right hook to his arm.

“And second,” he continues, rubbing out his arm, “I’m not going to completely fall off the face of the earth. Candace and I are looking for places close to home. Neither of us wants to go far.”

“And third?” I prod. “Because I know I can’t be your best friend anymore. I know it. I’m just… having a hard time accepting it.”

He frowns and pushes the first knuckle of his forefinger into my knee, tapping me a couple of times. “Yes, Candace will be my number one. And as excited as I am about that, about being with her and making our own family, I’m still gonna miss the hell out of you.” The corner of his mouth lifts. “I’m always gonna have your back, though.”

“Even when it comes to Dem?” I ask, and damn it for the crack in my voice. I fight against the pricks at the backs of my eyeballs, and I refuse to look him in the eye, to break when I’m being so strong right now. “Because it sure as hell doesn’t feel that way, Pete.”

“The only reason I suggested she move back home was because it’s what she wants.”

“Butwhy?” I beg him, plead with him. Help me understand, for the love of God why my sister wants to leave me too.

He frowns and shakes his head. “I promised her—”

“It’s okay, Pete,” Demi says from the hallway. She steps out into the TV glow and gives me a shy grin.

Pete whips around with a laugh. “How many conversations do you eavesdrop on, huh?”

“All of them.” She circles the couch, and I move my plate to the floor and scoot so she can plop down between us. She takes a similar deep breath that Pete did before he blurted out what he wanted to talk about with me. I brace myself for the worst. “I’m worried about you taking care of me, Maddie.”

“Why?” I set my hand on her thigh and squeeze her knee. “I take care of you now.”

“With help.” She glances at Pete quickly before talking to her lap. “Middle school’s going to be more expensive. I want to take dance classes and maybe do a sport like you. And without Pete living here, I mean… that’s going to cost a lot.”

I share a glance with Pete, who offers up an unhelpful but solidary half-smile. “Why are you even worrying over this, Dem? Let me worry about finances.”

She shakes her head hard. “I won’t be the burden here. I won’t. I was a burden with Mom and Dad, and I’m used to it there, with them. But I don’t want to turn into one with you.” Her head falls, and her hands catch her face. Her voice muffles between her fingers, and my heart breaks for my preteen sister who has already dealt with way more than she should have, no matter how hard Pete and I have tried to save her from it. “You’re too important to become my mom. I need you to just be my sister.”

A wave of heartbreak mixed with relief washes over me, and I wrap my arms around Dem, pulling her into me for a good cry. I hate that she even thinks these things, that she worries over them. I hate that we don’t have parents to rely on, that we blame ourselves most of the time. But I am relieved to finally understand. I can connect with how she’s feeling because I’ve been there. And now that I know, I can try to convince her to stay, reassure her that everything I do is out of love, and she could never be a burden on me, no matter how old she gets.

“Demi, you are too important for me to let you go.” I kiss the top of her head. “I love you so much, and because you’re mysister, I look out for you.” I ease on my hold so I can look her in the eye. Her hair has fallen in her face, and I swipe away the tear-soaked strands. “Pete and I aren’t your parents.Ew,” I tease, granting me a laugh. “We’re your siblings. And siblings are never burdens.” I look at Pete for backup, and he nods.

“Yeah. We’re here to tease you and tickle you and tell you when you’re being silly and give it to you straight.”

“And we’re also here to love you no matter what.” I pick her chin up. “So whatever you choose, if it’s really what you wantfor you, I got your back. But just so you know… I’ll probably fight for you.”

She lets out a snotty laugh, then pulls Pete in to share our hug. It only lasts a split second before it turns to a couch pillow fight and spilled lasagna, but I’ll remember the feeling of that hug for the rest of my life.

I tap my knuckles against the back door of Troublemakers, gazing over my shoulder as a car passes by. Tanner’s been sneaking me in after hours for weeks now, but it doesn’t stop the crazy butterflies from flying all around my belly every time I do this.

I lean against the railing, thumping my fingers on my helmet to the beat of Darth Vader’s anthem. Talking with Pete alleviated some of the stress piled on my shoulders, and I think my session today will go a lot smoother. Maybe I’ll even try landing the hardflip.

The familiar click of the heavy metal door handle echoes in the night, and I wince at the noise, jutting my eyes across the empty parking lot before quickly slipping inside. I’m immediately wrapped in warm, strong arms, Tanner’s hand running up the side of my face. His thumb caresses my jaw, and I grin in the dim light.

“Hey, boyfriend.”

---