Page 20 of The White Knight

“Please, Lance. I need to be alone right now.”

“Are you pregnant?”

“What the actual fuck! Lance, leave me alone or I will say hurtful things I don’t wish to say to you.”

“I only ask because of what happened back—”

“No, I am not pregnant, Lance. I haven’t had sex in months. Unlike you.”

“Guin, I do not—”

“Are you going to lie to me, Lance? After everything we have been through. Do you really expect me to stand here and let you lie to me? You either stay and tell me the truth. Or leave.”

“What do you want me to say?” The look of helplessness on his face is like a knife through my heart. Fuck. His love hurts so much.

“You would never reveal the women you’ve bedded before me. Is that because one of them is Elaine? Have you secretly been in love with her all this time? What am I to you?”

“God dammit, Guin. I do not love Elaine. She threw herself at me a few nights ago and in my weakness, I let her suck my cock. Is that what you want to hear?” His anger pounds against my ears as he speaks a truth I wish was a lie.

“No, I did not want to hear that.” Tears pour out of my eyes unwillingly showing my weakness. I fall against the trunk of a tree and slide down to the cold ground. At least Lance doesn’t love Elaine. Still, he let her close to him, let her touch him in places only I should have access to.

The flicker of anger disappears on his face, replaced by concern and disappointment. “I am sorry, Guin. I am your husband, and I have betrayed your trust. I betrayed our marriage vows and let another woman claim me. All because I was angry that another man had claimed you. Because I cannot claim you back. Because I do not know if you will ever be mine again. But I am yours, Guin, no one else’s. Please forgive me.” Lance kneels down beside me, pleading with his eyes, just as Galahad has learned to do. “You are the only woman I love. Have loved. Will ever love.”

At those words, I let Lance back into my heart, a place that had gone miserably cold without him. He reaches for me, bringinghis forehead to mine. Our noses brush against each other intimately. His breath tickles my mouth. I know I need to say something before we end up doing something we shouldn’t. But I let the thick silence swirl around us for a moment.

“You were angry at Arthur?” I whisper against his mouth.

Lance flops himself down beside the tree I am sitting against. “Not at Arthur. I could never be angry with him. Though, thinking about the two of you in bed together makes my blood seethe. I was mostly angry that I was not there for you when you needed me most. That another man stepped in to take care of you and our son.”

“I can understand that. But Elaine?”

“Please forgive me, Guin. I was weak. She snuck into my room. I could not stop myself.” He brushes his fingers through his long locks of caramel hair in frustration. “I do not think she will ever return for such affections if that helps.”

“She said you hurt her.” I turn to face Lance, needing to see his reaction.

“I am sorry for that as well. I hated what I was doing. So I let my anger out on her. It was wrong of me, in so many ways.” Pain, anger, guilt, and a deep sadness I know all too well crease Lance’s usually strong visage. I slide my hand in his, giving him some of my strength.

“When she told me this morning, I nearly tore her head off.”

Lance chuckles, making me smile. “I hope you can forgive her in time. She was wrong and betrayed your friendship. She betrayed our friendship even. I know it will be hard for you to forgive. But she has been a good friend to you and she is loyal to Arthur. Not to mention how much she cares for our son. I hate even suggesting this to you, but it is safer that she remain our ally rather than our enemy.”

I huff. “You are probably right. But it will not be easy for me to forget.”

“Forget, never. But forgive.”

“I will try.”

Leaning back against the tree, Lance sighs deeply. “Guin. I think it would be best if I return home to Joyous Gard.”

“What?” I jump to my knees and stare at Lance in shock. I only just got him back, and he wants to leave me. Again. My heart can’t take this.

“Being here, around you all the time but unable to show you how much I love you in public and private, it is tearing me apart. I have already given into weakness once. And here with you now, alone outside the castle, it is taking everything I have not to undress you and take you right here.”

My heart races and I’m panting at his words, wanting desperately to have my way with him too. As if sensing my rising passion, Lance stands up too quickly, nearly toppling over. He reaches out to the tree, regaining his balance.

“That was graceful,” I laugh, lifting my hands up to him. “Help me up.” Lance pulls me up and I can’t help but take him in my arms. I just want one more moment with my love. Just a small, private moment with his arms wrapped around me.

“We should head back to the castle. Everyone will wonder where we have gone,” Lance says into my hair, unwilling to let me go.

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