Page 24 of The White Knight

Elaine nods, then stands from the bench to curtsy before walking back to the keep. “Wait.” Fuck. I need to be the one that makes this right. But I don’t know how. “Do you want to stay? I don’t want to be alone.”

“Of course, your Highness. Only if you want me to keep you company.”

“Yes. But don’t you ever try to fuck my husband again. I will not be so forgiving next time.”

The color drains from Elaine’s face, but I hear her breathe a sigh of relief as she sits back down on the bench next to me. “Are you practicing for another banquet?”

“No, I came here to just play. It’s been some time since I played for myself. Any song requests?”

Elaine smiles, shaking her head. “No. Sing what your heart wants.”

So I do. I sing a song that, as soon as I heard it, became one of my heart songs. A song that made me miss my mother’s love. It brought back so much pain. I had thought that I already healed from losing my mom, but it all came back when this song played on my Spotify for the first time. I loved it. I loved the pain I felt. I needed that pain. That pain filled me with memories of my mom.

Memories of her picking me up after my first attempt on roller skates. Memories of us playing the piano together. Memories of us sobbing together while watching a movie about tragic love. Memories of having tea in our sitting room. Memories of her andEd stealing glances at each other when they thought no one was looking.

“Because you were there…” I sing, letting these memories fill me. My mom, always there, even after she died. It took me a while to find her again. Josh helped me find her in music. And this song. This song made my heart explode with sadness and joy. It still does. As I reach the last verse of the song, I know I have a tear-soaked face, but my soul is drowning in my mother’s love. Because every time I sing this song, I know she is somehow with me. And I need her right now.

What I wouldn’t give to curl up on the couch next to her, eating a pint of ice cream from Bent Spoon as I tell her everything that has happened to me since I stumbled into the past.

She would likely steal the ice cream from me, devouring it as she eats up everything I tell her. Fuck, I miss that woman. I haven’t heard her voice in nearly twenty years. Twenty fucking years. It’s also been nearly ten years since I’ve seen my dad, Josh, Leo, Uncle Al, and ice cream. Oh my god, ice cream. And chocolate.

But seriously, I miss my family so fucking much. With Galahad now gone, I feel so lost. I know this is good for him. To get to know Lance. Merlin can teach him much more up north than he could ever do here. Despite being one of Arthur’s advisors, many fear Merlin and his magic. The people up north are more accepting and less frightened when it comes to the unknown.

As I finish singing to my mom, I send her to Galahad. He needs her more than I do. I wipe the tears from my face, placing the lute on my lap.

“Why do you always sing songs that make you sad, Guin?” Elaine asks, tears brimming her eyes.

I smile at her. “Because they make me feel. And I need to feel these emotions. These emotions remind me that I am alive. After a healthy cry, I always feel better.”

I pick my lute back up again and sing “Touch the Sky” from Brave. It’s a song I’ve sung many times at Camelot, and I know it’s one of Elaine’s favorites. She hums along and taps her thigh, delighted at my current song choice. Yes, we’ll be okay. I’ll be okay.

As I head back to the keep, I take a detour around the castle grounds, walking through the cloisters that surround the main courtyard. I wrap a shawl around my shoulders, warming myself against the cool evening air. Elaine had gone to the chapel to say a prayer for Galahad. And probably to beg God to give her Lancelot. I know she will always love him. It doesn’t make me angry anymore though. I pity her. Knowing that she will never have Lance. He’s mine. Even though we must be a part now.

I have no idea how long we will endure this torment. The archbishop left Camelot shortly after Lance and Galahad left for Joyous Gard. I doubt he will be the one to help us resolve this messy trio of a marriage anyway. He will not support Arthur if he denounces himself as my husband. Galahad could disinherit everything. I just don’t understand. The archbishop had his reservations about Galahad since day one. Why does he have a say in the first place?

I’ve asked Arthur this many times, but I hate the answer I am given. The archbishop speaks for God, we must listen. I have this nagging feeling that the archbishop’s pockets are filled with gold and it isn’t God who’s filling them. I wrap my shawl tighter around my shoulders as a chill runs down my spin.

“Have you developed a chill now that you do not have Sir Lancelot to warm your bed?” I spin around to find Mordred an inch from my face. My reflexes react. Using my lute, I push himaway from me. He is faster than I thought he’d be, grabbing the lute out of my hands and dropping it to the ground. A scream escapes my lips as he kicks it hard, smashing it against a wall. He then grabs my wrists, twisting them hard.

I struggle to release my arms from his grasp. “Arthur gave me that lute, you mother fucker.”

“All you need to do is wrap that tight cunt around him and he will buy you anything you wish, whore.”

This guy. He is such a fucking twat. I don’t know what he expects to happen. As I attempt to escape again, he squeezes my wrists tighter, pinning me against the stone wall. “You have a simple choice ahead of you. Give up Arthur, and you can have Lancelot. No one would fault you for leaving your second husband now that your first is alive and well.”

“You would love that, wouldn’t you? You think you have won. That Arthur will give you the throne you so desperately want. That throne belongs to Arthur, and after him, my son will inherit the crown and all the power that comes with it.”

“That is where you are mistaken, Guinevere.” Mordred releases one of my wrists, placing a cold, clammy hand to my jaw. Someone is bound to see this attack. I can’t let this go that far. With all my strength, I pull my knee up quickly and slam my heel down on Mordred’s foot. Then, wasting no time, I bring my knee back up to his groin as hard as I can.

Mordred falls to the ground, grabbing his crotch. “You bitch!”

A hand grabs my shoulder, stopping me from reacting further. “You should watch your mouth when you speak to the queen, Mordred.”

“Gawain. I should have known your prick was up the queen’s ass too. One day, there will be no one to save you,” Mordred spits at my feet. I feel Gawain react beside me, but I’m quicker, landing a punch on Mordred’s nose. It cracks under my knuckles, creating a river of red streaks down his face.

“I don’t need anyone to save me, fucker.”

“You broke my nose!”

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