Page 26 of The White Knight

“But Arthur—”

“You may call me ‘Your Highness.’ And until you can learn your proper place in my court, I will demote you to thestables. Gawain will leave orders for the stable boys to give you instructions the day after tomorrow. I will allow you a day to rest and heal from the wound my dear wife has inflicted. Your rooms will also be moved to guest housing on the other side of the castle. I will organize to have your things sent there. Now go.”

With a quick glare in my direction, Mordred disappears into the hallway with Gawain on his heels. When I turn back to Arthur, he looks so tired. “I’m sorry, Arthur. I was so mad, I couldn’t control myself.”

“No, my love. I am the one who should apologize. I have always put up with my nephew’s antics because of who he is. I promised my sister I would look after him, give him a place at my court. A promise I have fulfilled now that he is in adulthood. Yet he still acts like a child.”

Arthur opens his arms to me. Accepting his embrace, I silently cry against his chest, wishing I could tell him what really happened. Maybe with Mordred gone, our future will be safe from death, chaos, and destruction. But what kind of man would Arthur become if he had to kill his nephew? He’s a little shit, but he’s still Arthur’s family.

I think about Cecily. My twat of a half-sister. She’s done some horrible things to me. I broke her nose too. And even though she tried to ruin my life in every which way, I would never wish death on her. She’s my sister. A fucking demonically spoiled, entitled brat. But my sister nonetheless. The only daughter in my father’s life now that I’ve disappeared through time. Fuck, how I miss my dad. What I would give to feel his arms around me, call me his dear girl, tell me how much I remind him of my mom.

Galahad had filled all these holes inside me. But now that he’s away from me, these holes are empty once more. Yearning for the love of those I will never see again. I hold on to Arthur, feeling his love, letting it soothe me. But it’s not enough. There is too much emptiness inside me.

Chapter 16

Lancelot

Home. I have beenhome with my son for eight months now. Vivienne came to visit for a full week shortly after we arrived, something she has never done before. I know her heart grieved for me. She raised me as her son, after all. But she was never the maternal loving type the way Guin is with Galahad. Still, I felt her love growing up and I know I am the man I am today because of her.

Vivienne raised me to see the worth of women, to treat them as my equal. She gave me the courage to become Camelot’s White Knight, and she taught me how to stay true to myself. Though I was not always the pious and respectable knight Vivienne had raised, when I finally discovered myself, everything fell into place.

That is what I mean to do for Galahad. Though I do not have a difficult task ahead of me. Galahad has a good head on solid shoulders. He knows very well who he is, even after learning that the truth he’d been told all his life was a lie. For one so young, Galahad is extraordinarily wise.

Faina is quite smitten with him, as are the rest of my household. They know him well now, not just from being here these last few months. Joyous Gard has been home to Galahad his whole life. While I was lost, making my way back home, Guin would bring my son here when Camelot became too overwhelming for either of them. Knowing that makes this cold, lonely castle feel warm and inviting. I never want to leave my home again.

It is missing one very significant person though. Guin. My heart. I wish it did not have to come to this—me leaving her side again. I keep needing to convince myself that it was the right thing to do. Arthur needs me out of the picture while he and his council come up with a plan. I wish I could have taken Guin with me. She is suffering inside. Though she puts on a brilliant smile, I know she is in agony. Every time we were near, I could feel it. I recognized the pain as I too feel my soul being torn to pieces.

“Is everything okay, dad?” Galahad asks while we sit together in the dining hall for our evening meal. He started calling me “dad” in front of others a few months ago. It is a strange word, but one I have gotten used to. And though we openly call each other “dad” and “son,” we keep our relationship formal. I do not want word to reach the enemies of Camelot that I have taken Galahad away from Arthur. Our time together is meant to mold Galahad into a better leader, living away from his mother and learning how to behave with honor and respect far from the throne he will one day sit upon.

I smile back to my son, sitting at my right. “Yes. I was only thinking.”

“You are always thinking.” Galahad slides into English, testing me on my newly learned skills.

“There is a lot to think on.”

“About. You should say, ‘There is a lot to think about.’”

“Hmph. Yes. That seems right.”

“How shocked do you think mom will be when you see her again and you start speaking English?”

“I do not think my English is good enough for that yet. I also do not know when we will see your mother. She has not responded to the letter we sent last month.”

“No. That could be because the weather has been extra dreary lately.”

“Winter is coming. It will get more and more drear-ee,” I test the new word on my mouth. It does not feel quite right. “Drear-ee. I assume that means not good.”

Galahad giggles. He has been an exceptional teacher. Patient and knowledgeable. Though he cannot tell me the meaning behind some of the words I hear Guin use frequently, he knows they are not nice.

“It means gloomy, cold, miserable. Yeah, so not good.” Turning back to his food, Galahad falls into a pensive state. I leave him to his thoughts and return to mine, but am instantly interrupted by a sigh from my right.

“Do you want to see mom again?” Galahad asks, even though he knows my answer.

“Yes. Of course I want to see Guin again. I miss her every day. Every hour. Every minute. Down to the second. When I am not talking with you, I think of her.”

“Why don’t you say that in one of the letters?”

“I could not do that. If the letter were to be intercepted, it would not look good for me, your mother, or the king. We must hide our feelings for each other until a decision is made.”

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