Page 40 of The White Knight

“It is not the grand accommodations I am certain you are used to, your Highness, but there are two bedrooms throughthese doors.” Morgana points to the doors on either side of the fireplace.

“Thank you, Lady Morgana. This is most generous of your mistress,” Arthur says.

“It’s very cozy,” I say as I walk around the small living area and stop next to Galahad, who sits in front of the roaring fireplace. Autumn has begun to make way for winter, and the chill on the ride to Avalon pierced our bones. Galahad usually never feels the cold. Excalibur keeps him warm, as it did with me. I remember that constant warmth, a blanket that would never leave my skin. Galahad stares into the fire, mesmerized. He is meditating. Something Merlin has taught him to do as a way to communicate openly with Elnaril and strengthen his connection with the powers inside him.

Normally, I would leave Galahad alone, but curiosity draws me in. I sit beside my son and whisper, “What does Elnaril think of the remodeling?”

His skin glows brighter at my question, and a smile forms on his windswept face. “She is happy to see her temple looming with life, even if it’s being used for a different purpose.” Pointing to the fireplace, he explains, “This is where the altar stood. A fire always dancing. A fire that forged Excalibur.” Galahad smiles, at peace in this little stone house. Lance and Arthur join us on the floor, warming themselves by the fire but also wanting to feel the serenity flowing from Galahad.

Morgana whispers a farewell, not wanting to break our peaceful silence. “I shall let you all settle in.”

I turn and wave as she closes the door behind her, then place my head on Lance’s shoulder. We’ve only been traveling for a few days, but I feel wretched. This cold weather will make for a miserable ride back to Camelot. But I don’t want to think of that just yet. I want to sit in this moment. I want to breathe in thepeace. I want to remember the four of us here, sitting in front of the fire. One fucking weird, but happy, family.

Chapter 25

Guinevere

After nearly a weekin Avalon, I have barely seen Galahad. He’s been spending his mornings and afternoons with Vivienne and Merlin, training. By the evenings, he is so exhausted he just climbs into bed to sleep. Lance, Arthur, and I have taken advantage of these peaceful days by planning the unity tournament. It is rather a lot to plan, more than I had imagined. I just keep picturing scenes fromA Knight’s Tale. All the different tourney events and then the banquets. It looked so simple in a movie, but in real life, every detail needs to be planned.

The invitations are the easiest. We only need to write them all out. Something Arthur has taken upon himself. He wants the other kings to hear his voice in the words that they read. Knowing the invitation is coming from his hand will have a more significant meaning, Arthur explains as I rub his sore and tired hand after a modest supper in our little cottage.

Lance looks up from the paper displaying the list of events we compiled. A scowl disappears from his face as quickly as it formed, turning his head to look into the roaring fire of thehearth. He doesn’t like that I am touching Arthur. Even though he agreed to share me, Lance still doesn’t want to share my body with my other husband. I love Lance. I will always be his. But Arthur is still my husband and a dear friend. He has sacrificed so much for Lance and me. He is putting everything on the line to give us all a chance at happiness. The least I can do is give the man a hand massage.

Even with the slight tension I feel from Lance, I am happy with the life I have forged. I have this incredible son who I know will do remarkable things for the world. Two loving husbands. I am queen to one and everything to the other. The love we all share is fulfilling. I didn’t know my heart could be this full of love. I’m overflowing with it.

So I ignore Lance’s scowl. I know he holds no hate for Arthur and the relationship we have. Well, maybe just a little jealousy, but it is harmless. Still, he has these possessive reflexes. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it.

“What about RSVPs?” I ask as I place Arthur’s hand on the bare wooden bench we are sitting on.

Arthur clears his throat. “What are those?”

“Responses to the invitations. So that we know who is coming and how many are in their party.”

“Ah, yes. We should prepare the castle for a full headcount. However, I would assume that most will send someone ahead to announce their uh aresveepee.”

“It’s just R S V P,” I enunciate each letter. “It’s an acronym for…uh, actually, I can’t remember. Something French though.”

Lance lets out a soft chuckle. “What?” I ask sharply, squinting at him as he leans back on the bench across from Arthur and me.

“You. Just you. How I had missed you when I was…gone. I love you.” Lance’s eyes shoot to Arthur, who is smiling back at him.

“We have missed you too, Lance.” Arthur gets up to place a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “It truly is an incredible thing to have you returned to us. I hope you know that.”

Lance’s only response is a slow nod. He pats Arthur’s hand, squeezing it slightly. “Thank you, Arthur. For giving her back to me. I—”

“Guinevere was always yours.” Arthur removes his hand from Lance’s and takes a seat beside him. “I knew this the moment you two first arrived at Camelot. It feels like an eternity ago, yet I can still see it in my mind’s eyes, as clearly as I see you both now. It is why I did not offer marriage to you when we first met, Guinevere.” Arthur turns to look at me but is unable to keep eye contact. He slouches down, placing his elbows onto his thighs and his face in his hands. “I will make this right. Or I will die trying.”

I gasp at Arthur’s choice of words. “No. Don’t you dare talk like that. We will be okay. We have to be okay.”

Both of my husbands rush to comfort me, something they do often because I’m an emotional fucking wreck. Arthur takes my hands as Lance wraps his arms around me, lying my head on his chest. I feel his lips on the back of my skull as he whispers, “Guin, we may still have to face fate. But right now, we have each other. We will always have each other, no matter what.”

“I know.” I choke on a sob. “I’m just terrified of losing you all. I can’t lose my family again.”

Spiraling is something I’ve always been good at. This endless cycle of grief. It hits hard when it arrives in my heart. I can’t help but think of my mom. Losing her was the worst thing to happen to me until I lost my life. My dad and Josh were taken away from me as quickly as my mother was. Then Lance. Losing him should have obliterated me. But it didn’t. I’m terrified of what awaits me. Perhaps I can take losing Lance and Arthur, but I will not survive if I lose my son.

I cannot shake the feeling that this is where my life leads. That one day, I will wake up, and Galahad will be gone. I know I shouldn’t think of these things, but my thoughts work against me even in my happiest moments. Because in these moments, I am most vulnerable. These are the moments I will never have if my heart shatters once again from another loss. I will not survive it.

I feel refreshed after waking up in the arms of a husband I love with every cell in my body. Lance is already awake, holding me against him. “How do you feel, my love?”

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