Page 6 of The White Knight

I will miss this bunch. I will miss the companionship. But I am closer to home than I have been in years. I breathe a sigh of relief as I take another step closer to Guin.

Chapter 4

Guinevere

“What has Merlin taughtyou today, my love?” I ask Galahad as I get him ready for bed. Merlin is staying at Joyous Gard now that Galahad is five. For the past six months, Galahad spends his mornings training with Merlin, learning to feel the power growing inside him and how to control it. He’s still so young but has the mind of a young man, not a little boy.

“He’s still teaching me the histories of the realm. We’ve been reading some interesting scrolls. Really old ones. Merlin won’t let me hold them on my own, probably because they fall to pieces if you hold them too tightly. But I’m learning so much.”

“That’s good. It’s important to understand the land you will one day rule.” I tousle the caramel-colored hair on his head and usher him into his bed. “What was on the scrolls?”

“Magic.” Galahad’s eyes light up with wonder. I rarely get a detailed briefing of his training with Merlin. How I wish I could be with him, learning all of this by his side. I want to shelter him. I want to help him. On the other hand, I don’t want to be a smothering mother. He is in safe hands with Merlin. We’ve had many conversations about what Galahad’s training wouldbe like. I was relieved to hear that Merlin’s expectations were to educate first.

“That’s a scroll I’d love to read. Where I’m from, magic is only pretend. Though you could easily confuse some technologies for magic.”

“Tell me about the future again.”

I pull the covers up to his chin and tuck him in tight. “What do you want to know?”

“I want you to tell me about the sky chariots.”

“Airplanes, you mean?” I chuckle as he nods enthusiastically. “Airplanes are these big metal…chariots…that fly in the sky. So I guess sky chariot is an accurate term for them. People use airplanes to travel long distances within hours. If we had an airplane here, it would take us maybe less than an hour to fly to Camelot.”

“How long is an hour, mama?”

“About the time it takes us to finish supper.”

“How is that not magic?” Galahad asks with wide eyes.

My laughter echoes against the stone walls of the bedroom. “Like I said, some technologies from my time sound like magic, but it’s science.”

“I want to fly.”

I give Galahad a kiss on the head. “It’s pretty cool. But also pretty scary. It was never my favorite way to get around. Sometimes it can be a bumpy ride if the plane has to fly through a storm. Turbulence, it’s called. It makes your tummy jump.”

“That’s silly, mama.”

“Sweet dreams, my love.”

“Night,” Galahad whispers, closing his eyes to dream about flying sky chariots, no doubt.

As a baby, Galahad was always calm. Never too fussy. Slept like a baby. I mean that in the figurative sense of the saying. There were barely any nights I would wake up to a howling baby.When hungry, he’d simply coo at me and nuzzle my chest. He’s so attentive too. Always listening and understanding things he shouldn’t. I wish I could speak with Elnaril. I am desperate to know what she is doing inside my son’s head and what powers Excalibur is giving to him.

I trust Elnaril. She was part of me for so long. She is a force of good. I believe what she told me. But no longer hearing her voice or feeling her essence inside me makes me feel vulnerable. And cold. At the same time, it comforts me that Galahad has her to guide him. She is the reason Galahad has become this incredibly calm, rational, mature little guy.

With Elnaril calming his soul, Merlin training him to harness Excalibur, his tutors enriching his mind, and my own teachings, Galahad will become the man he is destined to be. My fears will always consume me. I don’t want Galahad to live a scripted life, nor do I want him to suffer if he fails to change his story as I did. He’s so tiny. And so like his father.

Before making my way to my bedroom, I find myself walking toward the guest apartments. Arthur had journeyed here with Merlin. This has been one of his longest stays at Joyous Gard so far as Galahad and I have not returned to Camelot for some time. Though Arthur hasn’t said it out loud, he hopes I’ll be ready to become his queen now. Lance has been gone for six years. If he was alive, he’d be back by now.

Any daft idiot can see how much Arthur cares for me. It took a while to see that he also loves me. I haven’t been able to give my love back though. Losing Lance nearly destroyed me. My heart is still mending. It’s still empty, even with Galahad’s love.

When I returned to Camelot all those years ago, Arthur could see I was struggling emotionally. He comforted me when I needed to cry and gave me space when I needed to think. When I was a swollen pregnant mess, he massaged my feet and broughtme extra snacks from the kitchens. When Galahad was born, he worshiped me as if I had given him the power of flight.

Unconditional love poured out of him, gushing into my son. Seeing how much Arthur loved Galahad as I held the little bundle of flesh in my arms for the first time freed my aching heart and allowed me to love back, just a little. Though I felt a weight lift off my heart, there are still plenty of holes that will never be filled again. Holes for all those I loved and lost. My mom and dad, Josh, and my White Knight, Lancelot.

It was easy to care for Arthur. Though I haven’t fallen for him, he’s slowly become an important part of my life. He treats me with respect, as his equal. I am the woman who gave him an heir. The woman he is promised to marry. The woman who will be his queen.

He is patient with me. Knowing the deep wound of losing Lancelot would take time to heal, he never asks me for anything I can’t give. He will wait for me. Six years he has waited. Six years I have been grieving the loss of my husband.

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