Page 64 of The White Knight

This was the inevitable end. No matter what we would have done, our lives would always lead to this moment. I know that now.

Chapter 39

Guinevere

Galahad and I havebeen in Avalon for two days now. There has been no word from the outside and no sign of Lance. If I wasn’t already freaking the fuck out, I’d be having a fucking panic attack. But I need to stay calm and keep a clear head. Panicking will do me no good other than make me lose my goddamn mind.

I know Lance is alive. I know it. But where the fuck is he? I need to see his face. I need to hold his hands in mine. I need to tell him I love him. I need him to be okay, not just for me, but for our son. Galahad is the only reason I am keeping my shit together right now. He keeps a tough face for me, so I will do the same for him.

We haven’t left our little hovel since we arrived at Avalon. Our journey was exhausting. Riding on horseback for two days until we reached Merlin’s caves on the west shores of England. Sure enough, there was a boat there. A small ferry to bring us to safety. At first, I hadn’t trusted the sailor. How did Merlin send word so quickly? Or was this sailor always prepared?

Merlin is full of surprises, but at the same time, heisall-knowing. Everything he does should not be a surprise because it was always meant to be. He had to have seen our demise. I hate him for allowing it to happen. But I know it would have made things worse had he said something. This is our fate. We must face it whether it be now or in five years. I would have much preferred five more years of happiness though.

Lying in bed in the dead of night does nothing but make my fear scream in my head. It forces every terrible thought into the front of my mind. Lance never made it out of Camelot. His head is on a spike somewhere. His beautiful, god-like body is being eaten by maggots.No! Shut the fuck up!Why does my mind do this? Where do these awful visions come from? I know Lance is okay. I can feel it.Stop fucking around in there!I scream internally to myself.

A bang from the living room makes me jolt up from my bed. I grab the knife on the table beside my bed and slowly approach the door. When I open it, I see Galahad on the floor, picking up bits of bread and cheese, placing them back on the brass plate that must have been the cause of the bang I heard.

“Everything okay, my love?” I whisper, not wanting to sneak up on him.

“Everything is awful.” Galahad falls to the ground, weeping. “It is all my fault.”

“What do you mean? You are the last person at fault here, Galahad.” I pull him to my chest, attempting to take away all his pain with a hug full of motherly love.

His sobs shatter my soul. “I could have done something. Why do I have all these powers if I don’t use them? I could have saved you and dad. I could have traveled—”

“Absofuckinglutely not! I told you not to travel again.”

“I could have warned you, prevented all thi—”

“Galahad,” I interrupt. “I know you understand that doing something like that could be catastrophic. If Merlin has taught me anything, it is that what will be, will be. There is nothing you can do to change it. You can walk your own path, but that path will always lead to the same end.”

I let go of my son to peer into his face. He keeps his eyes down, avoiding my gaze. “Galahad. Listen. I don’t know why you have these powers. I don’t know why Excalibur chose me to be your mother. All I know is that we are in a legend. One I thought I would make my own.”

I sigh, scooping Galahad into another hug. This time, he wraps his arms around my waist. “Every thought, every step, every decision will lead us to the same ending. Fate chose us. Our lives are intertwined with legend. It doesn’t matter what we have done or what we will do. We already know how the story ends. I was selfish and naive to think I could change it. This isn’t just my story. It’s ours. It’s Britain’s.”

A sniffle from below my chin makes me pull Galahad into a deeper hug until he finally speaks. “I think I understand what you are saying.” He pulls away from my arms and plops down beside me on the dusty floor. “Do you think all of this would have happened if you stayed in your time?”

His question makes me smile, as it’s a question I’ve thought a lot about. “Yes. Maybe not in the same way or as quickly. But I think that Arthur’s idea of a united country is too progressive for this time. Arthur is a great king. He has a way of attracting the most loyal followers. But with loyalty comes those who seek to take power. Mordred would have found a way to destroy Arthur without us in the picture.”

Silence falls between us as Galahad processes what I have said. Of course he would blame himself. His powers could have saved us. But they also could have made things worse. I don’t believeExcalibur chose him to keep Lance, Arthur, and me in a happy love triangle.

Galahad is meant for so much more. I am certain his story is not over. But I know mine is. The only question is, will I get a happy ending? Okay, actually, there is a second question. Where the hell is Lance?

I wake up groggy from crying most of the night. My hands entwined in my son’s. Both of us didn’t want to be alone, so I let him sleep in my bed. I can’t believe this boy has been in my life for nearly ten years. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday he was born. The first time those big beautiful eyes of his opened, Galahad instantly penetrated my soul. My heart was bursting with love for him; it still is.

Nearly all the empty holes inside my heart had been filled when I first held him in my arms. I kept a small space for my grief to live on though. I needed that grief, a place where my lost loved ones used to live. Without the pain of their loss, I was afraid I would lose my memory of them.

Every day, I felt the residual pain of loss until Lance came back into my life. With Galahad and Lance, I became whole again. Being separated from Lance again, not knowing when I will see him, has ripped that hole open once more. I can’t help but feel that something is terribly wrong. I even dreamt that he was lost, wounded, in pain. It felt so real.

As I roll over onto my back, I recall the details of my dream. Lance riding on a horse. Three arrows decorated his body. One through his shoulder, another poking through his side, and the last digging into his thigh. He looked exhausted, as if he’d been riding for days. The blood from his wounds had congealedaround the arrows still attached to his body. Trees surrounded him when he fell from his horse, breaking the arrow on his shoulder. The scream that followed his fall still echoes in my mind. Closing my eyes tighter, I remember him trying to pull himself up. Instead, he fell back down to the ground in defeat. “Guin, my love,” he whispered.

My eyes fly open, and I shoot out of bed. Holy fuck. That was real. That was fucking real. “Galahad,” I scream, shaking him awake. As soon as his eyes flutter awake, I explain the dream I had. How I believed it was a vision and not just a dream. Galahad looks at me with tired eyes, but I can see the deep fear inside.

“I had the same vision. There was a bit more detail in mine. I think I know how we can find dad.”

“What? When did you have this vision?” I’m crying and screaming and laughing like a crazy woman.

“Perhaps at the same time you did. We need to speak with Vivienne and Morgana. With their powers, we can locate dad. Then I can travel and bring him to Avalon.”

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