Page 52 of The White Enchantress

“Well, this is a cellphone or mobile phone. It’s used to communicate with others. But I can’t use it here for that. It needs to connect to satellites in the sky and cell towers on the ground. Those don’t exist yet, so the service really sucks here.” I laugh to myself. “What Iamable to use it for is music. I have hundreds of songs downloaded so I don’t need data or WiFi. That all probably sounds like gibberish to you. I don’t even know if I can translate these words. But let me show you.”

I turn my phone on, the digital light shining on my face. As soon as my home screen loads, I open the Spotify app and play the last song I had listened to, “Fly Me to the Moon.” Making sure the volume is turned down, I place my phone next to Lance’s ears. He lays still as a sloth, afraid to move a muscle as what could only be mystical music playing from a magical device of unknown origin.After the song finishes, I press pause and turn my phone back off. Even though the portable solar charger works like a charm, I don’t like to waste the battery.

Lancelot still hasn’t moved, but I see his eyes glistening in the firelight. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I am fine. Only, I do not understand what you did to me.”

“I didn’t do anything to you,” I giggle.

“That music, is there a little man in there who sings to you?”

I laugh loudly at that but become serious quickly when I see Lance’s look of fright. “No, no, no. Um, Jesus, how do I explain this? I don’t really know how it works. I just know how to use it. It’s a digital recording of someone singing. In my time, you can record or copy a person’s voice. Once you have that copy, you can play it over and over. So the songs in my phone, they are all digital copies of people singing and playing instruments. Does that make sense?”

“No. It sounds terrifying though.”

“I’m sure it does,” I sigh. “When I really think about it, the twenty-first century was a terrifying place to live in. My phone, when connected, listened to everything I said. Nothing I said or typed into it was private. Unless you were a hermit deep in the woods, a hundred miles away from civilization, with no form of modern technology, there was no privacy. Someone or something was always listening. That was such a normal way of life. I didn’t think twice about it. But now, it kind of gives me the creeps.”

“What was the song about? The one you played for me on your…phone.” Lancelot’s eyes are still looking up to the ceiling as if he is afraid to turn his head toward me.

“It’s about someone so in love they feel like they could fly to the moon and stars.”

Lancelot turns to me then. “I can understand that feeling. Of loving someone with so much passion. Sometimes I feel like my heart will burst from my chest. There is not enough room inside for how much I love you, Guin.”

Tears pour from my eyes silently. I hold my hand out and he grabs it without hesitating. “I love you, Lance.” Sliding down from my small bed, I land gently beside him, snuggling against his body.

Lancelot holds me close to him, kissing my head before asking, “Is it possible to fly to the moon and stars?”

“Stars? I don’t know. But men have…will land on the moon, stick flags on its surface. There will even be space stations with people living in them, orbiting the planet.”

“The impossible is possible,” Lance whispers in my ear.

Lancelot’s castle, Joyous Gard, is a short two-day horse ride from Avalon on the east coast of England. It sits on top of a hill overlooking the North Sea. My eyes remain wide open as we approachthe gate. I don’t know what I was expecting. Not this. A castle by the seaside.

It is nowhere near the size of Camelot. But it is fucking beautiful. In the middle of the fortress stands a modest keep. There isn’t much else besides a worn-down stable, a tiny chapel, and a few shacks. One looks like it holds the armory. Still, it is a freaking castle with a gorgeous view of the sea and its own private beach. The air shines differently, reflecting the sun off the waves of the water down below.I definitely chose the right man, I joke to myself.

Gawain doesn’t seem to think so, however. He was enraged with Lancelot after discovering what he had done to me. What we had done. As if Lancelot would ever take me by force. I hope Gawain understands that I am not forsaking Arthur as my king in choosing Lancelot as my husband.

When Lancelot went out to meet with Gawain and Gaheris after that first night back in Avalon, I accompanied him, hoping my weak demeanor would soften Gawain’s heart. I think it worked. He didn’t seem so angry after I explained how I had fallen in love with Lancelot and would never be happy with another man as my husband.

I also told him how I understood that my loyalty to Arthur was essential to Arthur’s kingdom and the entire realm. Arthur will always have my loyalty even though I will not be returning to Camelot as a permanent resident.

Though I was convincing and could feel the tension between Lance and Gawain slowly diminish, Gawain still could not allowus to travel unchaperoned. Gaheris and Mairenn accompanied us to Joyous Gard while Gawain made his way back to Camelot to break the news to Arthur.

If he takes the news well, Lancelot expects Arthur to arrive at his seaside castle twelve days after us. When I ask what he thinks will happen if Arthur doesn’t take our marriage announcement well, Lance smirks, saying he’d still come, only he would bring an army.

I shiver at the thought of Lancelot fighting a battle against King Arthur over me and hope with all my heart it will not come to that. Maybe my life here would have been much easier if I had just fallen in love with Arthur instead. But my heart has chosen Lancelot. I can’t change that. I don’t want to change how I feel either.

For twelve days and nights, Lancelot and I play by the rules, acting as a properly betrothed couple of the sixth century. We are never alone together.

Mairenn is my constant shadow, even sharing my bed at night. I do see Lance every day as we await King Arthur’s arrival. We share our meals together and walk along the beach. But I miss the intimate evenings we shared at Avalon. Talking to him for hours about my past in the future, what life was like for me there. He was enthralled, hanging on my every word as he lay in the makeshift bed on the floor. We didn’t kiss, we didn’t fuck, we didn’t even touch, just talked.

It felt amazing to tell Lance the truth about where I was from. I had done well lying to him and keeping to my lie. But I was finally free to speak to him about everything and anything. I didn’thold back either. And even though we’ve had to hold back on our intimacy, I give Lance everything else of me. I am ready to become his wife. And I am so ready for him to take me to bed.

Spending nearly two weeks with Lance at his castle, walking along the beach together every day with our chaperones following closely behind, I am beginning to feel some major sexual frustration. At first, I was glad for the excuse not to touch.

Though I feel emotionally stable after what happened with Melwas, there are small moments when I feel vulnerable. Sometimes I feel a phantom hand grab my arm when no one is nearby. Asking Lancelot to fuck me after being raped was probably not the right move. But I do feel like he erased some of the trauma.

I am safe with Lance. In his arms, I can conquer anything. But I also know he won’t be like one of those crazy medieval men who think marrying a woman means he owns her, body and soul. I have already given Lancelot both willingly, plus my heart. But they were mine to give, not for him to take.

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