Page 65 of The White Enchantress

The question shocks me. Arthur doesn’t sound accusatory. But he seems upset as if the idea that Lance had kept a huge secret from him was worse than his death.

“No. I told Lance when he returned me to Avalon. He had asked for my hand in marriage and I couldn’t say yes to him until he knew everything about me. Once I knew he would accept me as I am and still loved me, I said yes to his proposal.”

“I apologize for proposing marriage yesterday. It was inappropriate at the time. And perhaps it still is not the right moment, but I want you to know that the offer still stands. I will marry you and give your child everything. You both will want for naught. And if you bear a son, I will name him my heir. I am not saying all this because of who you are but because of who you were to Lancelot.”

“Arthur, I…”

“You need not answer me now. I only ask that you think on it.”

“I will give it a proper think. But I cannot make such a decision until I return to Avalon. I need to speak with Vivienne.”

“Of course. Lancelot’s mother needs to know what has happened.”

Though that is not my main purpose for returning to Avalon, I don’t correct Arthur. It is better to let him think that I only wantto see Vivienne to let her know of Lance’s death. I wonder if she already knows.

“Yes. But Arthur, I may choose to stay in Avalon. It is not where I am from originally, but it’s the place I feel most safe, besides Joyous Gard. And that brings me to this question. What will happen to Lancelot’s castle?”

“What do you mean by that? This is your castle now.”

“Oh, I had thought that you would give it to another knight perhaps.”

“This is not my castle to give and take, Guinevere. Lancelot saved this place from an enchantment. And when he broke the spell and saved the people from the village nearby, he discovered his true name. Lancelot was carved in a stone. You, being his wife, are now the rightful lady of the castle. It is up to you what happens to it and its people.”

“I didn’t know this was the same castle. He had told me that story, but ages ago, before we really knew each other. Thank you for telling me this, Arthur.”

He nods. “Would you do me the honor of allowing me to escort you to Avalon? I would like to be there for you and Vivienne. The burden of Lancelot’s death falls heavy on my heart. I should have sent more knights, an army even.”

“You didn’t know. You couldn’t have known.”But it was a bloody, fucking dragon, I say to myself.

“Still, Guinevere.” Arthur turns to me, tears pouring freely down his face. The sight of his tears causes me to lose my balance. He grabs my hands, keeping me upright.

“I need you to know that I never meant for this to happen. And I will be frank with you as I was with Lancelot on the day of your wedding. Though I was happy for you both then, I was angry to hear that Lancelot had taken you to his castle. At the time, I had expected him to bring you back to Camelot. After Gawain explained what had happened, your…injuries, and your own desire to be with Lancelot as his wife, my anger dissipated. I did give Lancelot permission to court you. Only I did not think it would mean you would be gone from Camelot so soon. I wanted to make your courtship public, to give the people time to understand and accept your union. It was difficult to explain your disappearance. Camelot was thrown into chaos when you were taken. Someone had been poisoned that night. He did not live. Accusations were thrown in every direction. It was not until Sir Bedivere and Sir Kei arrived with the man you left alive that I was able to provide answers to the angry mob of guests who stayed at my castle. But then you were still missing and then news of your betrothal to Lancelot arrived with Gawain. I greeted you and Lancelot with happiness in my heart, but it had been a very difficult journey for me. I was very much afraid of losing all that I had fought for.”

“I’m sorry–”

“No, I am not seeking an apology from you. Not then, not now, not ever. I will admit to you that it has been much more difficultafter you married Lancelot. I lost a few allies, but I still have enough to back my claims and bring my dream of a united kingdom to fruition.”

“If there is anything I can do to help…you know I am on your side, right?” As I ask this question, I realize the only way I can help is to marry Arthur. He is a good man, a wonderful man, a gem of a man like my Lancelot. I know I’d be content as his wife. Would I love him? Perhaps. But the thought of loving him completely makes me weak in the knees, and not in a good way.

Arthur catches me just as I am about to hit the ground. He carefully sits me down on the sandy shore. “Do you need to eat something more?”

“No, I’m just…tired.”

“Let’s walk back up. I will see you to your rooms and have some bread and cheese brought up for you.”

“I’m not hungry–”

“I do not care if you feel hungry or not. You will eat,” the king commands.

Chapter 31

Guinevere

Vivienne doesn’t take thenews of her son’s death well. It terrorizes me to see her in such agony. Though she knew Arthur and I were traveling to Avalon, she was unaware of the reason. I only know Vivienne from the short time I had stayed at Avalon. Though mysterious and passionate, she was never vile.

Kind, wise, patient, and trusting. That is the Vivienne I had come to know. But when Arthur explains what happened to Lancelot, Vivienne all but curses him for lying to her. “I believed you to be a fine man of moral high ground. How could you lie to me about my son’s death, lie to his wife?”

“Vivienne, what are you talking about?” I am shaking with terror, grief, and anger of my own.

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