Page 20 of Once Upon an Apocalypse

“Your last fight in the Colosseum has taught me so much about what the sacramentum gladiatorum can do,” Doctore says, ignorant of the internal epiphany I just had. I look up at him with questions in my eyes. Unspoken questions he readily answers. “Sacramentum gladiatorum. It was the oath taken by every gladiator in Ancient Rome. What I now call the serum I’ve developed which has not only made you immune to the plague, but invincible. So now I ask you, will you give me your oath? Will you fight for me, with me, to bring us into this new age? To save humanity?”

I hold back a cackle, which comes out like a scoff. “Do you really believe you are saving humanity?” I ask.

“I am saving–”

“No. You are destroying humanity. You might be this brilliant scientist who created a sacred gladiator serum or whatever, but you are not good. You do not intend to use this for good.”

Doctore’s lip curls into that maniacal smile again. “I never said I wasgood, Laurel.”

I stare at him. Am I shocked at his confession? No. And yet I’m frozen in place, speechless. Somehow I find my next words. “What do you envision saving humanity looks like then, if you aren’t in the habit of doing good?”

“I’m so glad you asked this question,” Doctore says as he takes a seat on the round stool next to the gurney I’ve been sitting on. “I plan to create an empire from the ashes of the old world. Just as I am doing here. The world will bow to me, their new god, creator of life. For that is what I have given you, Laurel. Life. Fight with me, and you will see a thousand lives. Fight against me, and you will see a thousand deaths.”

I can’t. I won’t. But I know if I say this to him, he won’t just kill me over and over, he will kill everyone I care about. That might be a small list, but I can’t help thinking about the children in the slums. Maybe I can help them by bargaining with Doctore. I can do some good, even if I sign away my soul to the devil.

“If I give you my oath, will you help those poor children in the Pauperem Quartam? Create a school where they and other children can be educated? Grow up to be something other than bunker urchins or die without ever becoming who they are meant to be?”

“And here I thought you would ask me to promote your boyfriend or spend more time with him or both.” Doctore crosses his arms when I grimace. Great, now he knows I don’t care about Jonah as I used to. At least that means Jonah is safe if I ever cross the line. I hate that I still care about him. That I still need him. He’s my only connection to the before, even though we are both chained to this place.

“I’ll give you some time to think, Laurel.” And with that, Doctore disappears back into the shadows from where he spawned.

Chapter 15

“Areyouokay,Lori?”Jonah asks as he hovers on top of me. I had gotten lost in my own thoughts, drifting away from him.

“Sorry, I was…thinking.”

“Thinking.” Jonah pulls out of me and rolls over to his side.

“No, it’s okay. You can finish.” My voice is monotone. I can’t seem to fake the synthetic concern I usually invoke when he is upset. I no longer care to hide it anymore.

“It’s not okay, Lori. For the past month, you’ve been so distant. I can tell you aren’t enjoying sex anymore.”

I can’t help but laugh at Jonah’s revelation. My sarcasm speaks for me, saying, “Oh? So you have noticed my misery?”

“Yes. Of course I have. You are my girlfriend. I love you and hate seeing you so sad all the time.”

Okay. Now I’m pissed. I roll out of bed, not wanting to be anywhere near Jonah, and pull on my gray prison garb. I should just walk out the door and leave him guessing as to why I’m acting so “sad” but I can’t hold it in anymore.

“You love me?” I shout.

“Yes. You know I love you.”

“No, Jonah. You don’t love me. You haven’t loved me since the day you chose this place over me. That’s the day I realized I don’t love you either.”

Jonah has the balls to look heartbroken. Maybe he is. Maybe he truly didn’t see this coming, just like he can’t see how messed up everything is in this bunker. That he can’t see how cruel Doctore is to anyone, including his precious Praetorian Guard. Meanwhile, the women, children, and men who are unable to offer their physical services to Novus Seclorum are treated like cattle. We have no freedom here. Sacrifice. That’s what Doctore said when I first met him. We all need to sacrifice for the greater good of humanity.

“How can you not see my pain and anger, Jonah? How can you sit there and pretend that everything is okay? My body was ripped to shreds in the arena. I didn’t see you for months while I was being monitored, tested, and put back together in the lab. You have no idea what I go through in the arena or the lab because you are never there to see it. And I know Doctore will do that to me again, just to see what will happen. Even if I give him my oath.”

“Lori, you don’t understand—”

“Don’t understand? I’m a test subject. An enslaved gladiator. A captive. And you are a brainless soldier in his empire. This new world he is trying to create. A world I cannot, no, will not accept.”

Tears stream down my face as I try with all my might not to ugly cry in front of Jonah. He takes my silence to mean that I’m done, that I’ve gotten all my feels out. Grabbing the pair of boxer briefs from his chair, Jonah pulls them on and walks over to me. When he attempts to wrap his arms around my body, I push him away.

“No. Jonah. No.” I keep him an arm’s length away from me as I say, “We are done. I can’t do this anymore.”

I spin around and sprint out the door. When I don’t hear his footsteps follow me, the last remaining pieces of my heart wither away.

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