Page 37 of Once Upon an Apocalypse

I place my hand over Amos’, which is clenching the blanket on my bed. “It’s not okay. But I forgive you.”

Amos takes in a strangled breath. When he exhales, I can feel his tension loosening with it. “I would like you to train with the patrol teams too. That is, if you want to help us take down Dr. Tuwile.”

“Of course I want to take him down. Sign me up! I will take fighting over being a lab rat any day.” I perk up, eager to finally do something instead of twiddling my thumbs and waiting for an opportunity.

“You will still need to take some tests, Lori. I cannot change Norman’s mind on that. But I promise you will not be a lab rat.”

Another promise.Should I trust it?My heart says yes. But my brain is remembering all the times I was ripped apart, cut into, probed, and worse. Memories I wish I could erase. Those four years of my life were nothing but endless torture.

“And you must continue to see Alison. I know yesterday was rough. You don’t have to open up all the way, but please let her help you. Okay?”

I mentally check the boxes off for my conditions to being free.

DNA and other testing, but not a lab rat. Check.

Training to join a patrol team hunting for Dr. Tuwile. Check.

Daily therapy sessions to stay sane. Check.

I can do this.Fight. Survive. Live.I must do this.

After Amos leaves, I take a shower, scrubbing the dried sweat from my skin. My conversation with Amos replays in my mind over and over again. He wantsmebecause of my strength. Not because I have some superhuman strength. I don’t even know how strong I actually am. When Amos was pushing me at the gym, I thought he was testing me, seeing how much my body could take. But it was more than that. If I believe him.

He’s difficult to read. Amos. The man who saved me from a lifetime of death and dismemberment. He can be playful and light, but then it’s like something flips inside him, turning him serious and ferocious. I want to hate Amos for this side of him, and yet I don’t.

When I’m around him, even today when he pissed me off, I feel safe. I know he would never hurt me. Maybe it’s that naive part of me I thought had died in the bunker. If it is naive to think that Amos cares about me, in whatever way that means for him, I don’t give a shit. I need people to have my back, to give me a reason to keep going, and to offer me more.

Amos has given me that reason. And though I have conditions for staying here, so does everyone else. I no longer live in a world where I can hop in the car to pick up frozen samosas at ShopRite or open an app on my phone to order Doner kebab. In this new fucked up world, humans have to work together in order to survive and thrive. That’s what they are doing here at The Valley.

I need to find my mom after my session with Alison today. I need to tell her I’m ready for testing. At least some of it. I need answers just as much as Norman does. Even if it is scary, I have a support system here. And I know they will be with me every step of the way.

I find my mom at the health center turned hospital, sitting outside on the terrace. The early fall wind is already chilling my bones through the knit sweater I threw on over a pair of yoga pants. One of the few seasonally appropriate outfits I have in my closet. When my mom sees me approaching, she hops up and runs downstairs to greet me.

“How did you know I was thinking about you?” she asks as she pulls me in for a warm hug.

“Well, that’s funny, because I was thinking about you.” The smile on my mom’s face wipes away the rest of the unease I’ve been feeling since I had made up my mind earlier. “Do you have time to talk?”

“Do you want to sit up on the terrace or go somewhere else?”

“Maybe we could just walk around? It’s a little too chilly to sit outside. I need to move my body.”

My mom prods the knitted holes in my sweater, saying, “No wonder you’re cold. This is barely a sweater.”

“It’s all I have.” I shrug as my mom continues to examine my outfit.

“Let’s go find Anna. She will surely allow you to go through the selection of clothing Amos’ patrols have collected over the years.”

My mom’s words make me realize I don’t quite understand how everything works at The Valley. I have to get permission to “shop” for clothes? This opens up a new line of questions I want to ask my mom, pushing my previous thoughts to the side.

“Anna is one of the leaders, right? Like you.”

“Yes.” My mom slides her arm through mine as she guides me across the street in front of the health center. We walk down the path leading around the right side of the football field.

“So she is in charge of…clothes?” That can’t be all she does. I mean, clothes are important, but there are more important things for a leader to protect. Did the U.S. government have a department of clothing? I laugh out loud before I can stop myself.

“That is part of her responsibilities, yes. Think of her as the Director of Human Resources. She coordinates with Amos to make sure we have enough supplies for the residents here. Clothing, first aid, toiletries, and such. Everything stocked in your dorm is arranged by her. But because your move from the health center was sudden, she didn’t have a lot of time to go through the clothing racks.”

As we walk along the path, I get a good view of the field hockey field where there are cows, sheep, and pigs living in harmony together. I point to the field and ask, “Who’s in charge of them?”

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