Page 45 of Once Upon an Apocalypse

“It’s not okay, Lori. And it is my fault. I should have known he would pull something like this while I was away.” Amos’ grip around my shoulders tightens until I can barely breathe. But this breathless feeling fills me with more than air.

He lets me go suddenly, air filling my lungs, cold claiming my skin, and an emptiness takes up residency inside me again. “Kyle said you got bitten. Can I see?”

I answer with a nod, bending over to pull my pants up over my ankle. The skin is still red, a fresh scar now instead of a nasty bite wound. Amos kneels next to me, lightly skimming my raw skin with the tips of his fingers, causing me to shiver and not from the cold spring air.

“Let’s get you inside. You’re shivering.” Amos pulls the fabric of my pants back down over my ankles and reaches for my hand, which I take without hesitating. “You have your appointment with Alison now, right?”

“Yeah.” My response is short only because my mind is working in overdrive. Amos’ hand in mine fills me with a sense of security I haven’t felt in ages. As we approach the French doors at the back of the building, Amos holds one of them open to let me through, then follows me in.

Alison looks up at us from her desk, a question on her brow. “Is everything all right, Lori? Your mother was just here, frantically looking for you.”

“Oh? I’ve been in the garden with Amos. Is she still here?” I ask.

Alison nods, standing to open the door to the lobby. “Cathy, Lori is here now. Do you want to see her?”

My mom bolts into the room and scoops me away from Amos, who seems like he’s about to leave.

“Wait!” I shout, not quite ready to explain my abrupt emotional shift, but knowing I need him here. “Could you stay? And you, Mom? I…I’m ready to talk about something. Something that has been hard to process because I’m not sure if it really happened, but I know I need to talk about it.”

“Of course, sweetie,” my mom says as she brushes a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

“Are you sure?” Amos asks, looking hesitant, like he’s unsure if he really belongs in this conversation.

I nod. “It will save me having to repeat it. But after the shit day I’ve had, I know I need to get this off my chest.”

Amos nods his head in understanding. The seriousness of what I’m asking is written all over his face, except for the twinge of a smile at the corner of his mouth.Yes.I think to myself.You are important to me. You are the keeper of my secrets. Please don’t betray me.I send my thoughts to him, hoping he can hear me. When his eyes meet mine, they are full of understanding.

My mom and Amos follow me over to the couch in Alison’s office, sitting down on either side of me. Alison takes her usual seat on the opposite side of the coffee table. Wasting no time, she asks, “What is it you want to discuss with us, Lori?”

“I know you all probably want to hear about what happened this morning. It sucked. And I will no longer be allowing Norman to run his tests on me. I don’t care if that gets me kicked out of The Valley. He doesn’t come anywhere near me.”

My body shakes, not from fear but anger. Then I feel Amos’ hand on my thigh as my mom grabs my hand, bringing it to her heart.

“You will not be kicked out. And I will make sure that Norman never comes near you again,” Amos promises. I believe him. Even if it’s against what the rest of the leaders want, I know Amos will get his say.

My mom gives me her approval, saying, “If Norman tries anything else, he will be the one kicked out.”

I breathe in a sigh of relief knowing I am safe. Knowing I have people who will protect me. When I look at Alison, she nods her agreement. “I just want to ask you one question before we start, Lori. Since you’ve invited Amos and your mother into this session, do I have your permission to discuss with them in their private sessions with me any of the topics you will bring up?”

I’m taken aback by the question. “Wait, you guys go to therapy too?”

“We all need help getting through this new way of living, sweetie.” My mom’s answer is gentle but straightforward. Amos doesn’t answer at all, just keeps his gaze on the ground.

“Yes. You can talk about me if it comes up,” I say.

Alison’s eyes dart to Amos for a split second before landing back on me. When she nods, I begin telling them something that happened to me in the bunker. The thing that broke me like nothing else. When I lost my unborn baby.

Chapter 30

2 Years Earlier…

Iwasn’tsureIwas pregnant until I’d puked my brains out for a week straight. It didn’t make sense. Yeah, Jonah and I had sex often. We both were given pills that prevented pregnancies though. No one else in the bunker had gotten pregnant. At least, not that I knew of. I was terrified to say anything about it, but I knew Doctore would find out soon.

Every morning I had to show up for my examination. Some days, it was a simple check to make sure I still wasn’t turning into a zombie. Other days, I’d spend hours in the examination room or the lab where Doctore would run various tests on me. Shocking every part of my body to see how much I could withstand. If my heart stopped, would it come back to life on its own? I blocked most of it out, pushing my consciousness somewhere else.

After another week, it seemed like my pregnancy wasn’t detected on any of the machines. My nausea went away too. Maybe I just had a stomach bug or something. After another week, I was convinced that I wasn’t pregnant. Two months later, I could feel the baby bump even though I wasn’t showing yet.

Jonah, the one person who would have noticed, didn’t say a goddamn thing. Another month later, I looked like I was getting fat. At four months, it was becoming obvious. Still, no one said a single thing. None of the nurses working for Doctore nor Doctore himself. There was one day when he gave me a look that said “interesting” but it was paired with a maniacal smile. One that sent dread prickling down my spine.

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