Page 62 of Once Upon an Apocalypse

My voice comes out cold and vapid, just as I had intended, but the reaction from Jonah takes me by surprise. He hangs his head low in shame, mulling over my words, feeling every harsh syllable.

“Before that day…when you escaped…” Jonah hesitates before continuing. “I hadn’t wanted to see you in the arena because I knew what Doctore did to you. I didn’t want to see it. Seeing it would make it real and I wanted to live in the ignorance of seeing you whole. I was wrong. Wrong about Doctore. Novus Seclorum. Everything. I’m sorry, Lori.”

“Sorry?” I shout, cutting his apology short. “You are a legatus. Obviously Doctore trusts you enough to give you a cohort of ten vicious men to go out and murder innocent survivors. To kidnap those you don’t end up killing. How many people have you killed? How many people have you let him torture?”

“I had to, Lori. If I didn’t keep doing what he expected of me, he would have killedme!”

“And that justifies killing?”

“No. It justifies surviving. I held my men back from doing their worst. I did everything I could to protect anyone we came across. But I had to remain on Doctore’s good side.”

“What, were you afraid he’d turnyouinto his lab rat?” The fumes of my anger radiate off my flesh, making the heat of the warm June sun feel like a blazing fire. I pace around the shed, letting my anger drown all rational thinking. Flashes of my time in the bunker race across my mind. Jonah escorting me to the lab. Doctore cutting me open, examining all my innards, testing my limits. Jonah fucking my tired, hollow body. Zombies tearing me to pieces on the arena floor. Hungry orphans. A little girl turning.

I throw my hands up to my head, attempting to push all the memories out. Alison had helped me cope with the worst of my trauma, but I can’t remember a damn thing she’s said to me. How to breathe. How to ground myself in the present. I’m spiraling. Hard.

A pair of warm hands brace me, gripping my shoulders. Warm hands I know aren’t Amos’ because he no longer has a pair. The thought is enough to break me in my fragile state. As my weak points begin to shatter, Jonah squeezes my shoulders. The slight tinge of pain helps bring me back. Then his voice coaxes me to open my eyes.

“All of his soldiers are dosed with the virus, just enough to bring us back from the dead to keep killing. Including me.” Jonah sighs. “I didn’t know this until after you left. A lot of things fell into place for me that day. I swore I wouldn’t stop until I found you. A vow I gave to Doctore as he laid on a hospital bed for weeks after you skewered him with that spear. But my promise was to you. That I would find you and make sure Doctore never laid another hand on you.”

Our eyes meet for a fraction of a second, and in that moment, I see the boy I once loved. My lifelong crush, high school sweetheart, prom date. That boy might still be somewhere inside the body of this man, but he no longer exists. And yet, the man who stands before me now is not the same man I grew to hate in the bunker. The coldness gripping my heart cools my fury just enough to breathe deeply.

After a few breaths, I feel the chains of my trauma break, releasing me from the pain for now. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive you, Jonah.”

“Don’t. I never dreamed forgiveness would be possible. All I want is for you to allow me to protect you. To keep you from falling into his hands again.”

I shake my head. “A lot of people want you dead, Jonah. You were part of a raid that killed so many innocent people in this community. The Valley won’t let you in.”

“If I can convince Amos, do you think he could change their minds?”

I smile. “Do you think you could convince Amos?”

Jonah shrugs, finally releasing my shoulders from his grip. The weight I had been feeling against my chest releases as he takes a step back. “If anything, I have a lot of useful information about Doctore. Who’s working for him. Where to find him. What other experiments have been successful.”

Before I can ask about the other experiments, a hurried knock sounds at the shed door. “Lori, it’s Amos, he’s up.”

I rush back up to the farmhouse, leaving Jonah behind in the shed. The raw emotions of my conversation with Jonah are still stirring up inside me. When I walk into Amos’ room, I’m breathless, crying, and ready to collapse from the overstimulation.

“Are those tears for me?” Amos asks, sitting up on the bed.

In five steps, I’m at his side, crying my eyes out as I carefully collapse into bed with him. He pulls me against his chest, using his good arm. “I was so scared, Amos. The thought of losing you when I only just—”

“It’s a good thing your boyfriend thought to cut my arm off.” Amos’ joke is anything but lighthearted. His voice is dark and menacing, as if he’s imagining ways of killing Jonah. I glare up at him, hoping that he didn’t mean it, that he can’t possibly think I see Jonah in that way.

“Are you jealous? Or worried that I’ll go back to him?” I ask in all seriousness, but Amos tries to brush it off, shrugging his shoulders like it doesn’t bother him. “No. Don’t do that. We are not that kind of couple who dismiss each other, ignoring the doubts and fears we try to hide deep inside ourselves.”

“You think we are a couple?” His voice shakes, unable to hide his feelings in such a weakened physical state.

“You will not push me away, Amos. You won’t get rid of me that easily. Or ever. We are moving in together when we get back to The Valley. We are going to be that annoying, disgusting couple who can’t keep their hands off each other. We survive together.”

Amos holds me tighter against him as he whispers in my hair, “I love you, Copperhead.”

Chapter 40

Afewdayslater,Amos is cleared by the medical staff from what’s left of The Manor House community. Cleared meaning he won’t turn into a zombie as it’s been well over twenty-four hours since he’d been bitten and no sign of infection. Days of sleep have done him good, but Amos has a long road to recovery ahead of him. A road we will take together.

Jonah, to my surprise, is coming with us back to The Valley. He’d spoken to Amos during one of the rare hours Amos was awake and lucid. Whatever he said to Amos was enough, convincing him of his worth, at least enough to keep him alive as a prisoner for now.

Dana was hesitant to let Jonah go with us, worried he would lead us into a trap. But we’ve had no trouble on the road. Amos has been instructing me on how to get back to The Valley since I’m unfamiliar with the roads out here. This was only my second time leaving the safety of campus. What a hell of a week it’s been.

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