This was not what I thought my life would be when I left Newsome. I had a plan, and it derailed when I met Carson. I thought it was a good derailment. In hindsight, I was young and caught up in the hype of a man taking care of me. Belle Cari was worth it, and I damn sure was going to get it. I had it, I loved it, and now it was gone.
Like Carson said, he paid the mortgage on the house for six months, but that was it. There were so many other bills that I had to cover. Some of the bills I wasn’t even aware of. Did you know how much the light bill was for a 3,400 square foot home? I found out after the first bill that I received that my home had three damn central air and heat units. Let’s talk about the water bill, landscaping, housekeeping, car insurance, house taxes, and the damn credit card bill.
It was an amazing surprise that three of the credit cards that I used often were solely in my name. Carson just paid the bill for me. Two of the cards had over a one hundred thousand dollars limit, and the other had just under one hundred. All of the cards were almost maxed out. It felt like Carson decided to leave me at the worst time purposely. In the six months, all the major bills hit like a damn wrecking ball. I tried to stay afloat, I really did.
“What are you going to do now? Maybe you should downsize,” Gabrielle suggested. “Sell the house and get an apartment.”
My eyelids stretched. “Where, Gabrielle? Most of the jobs that I applied for won’t call me back. The others that I’m most qualified for with a damn high school diploma won’t sustain me enough to even afford an apartment in the fucking hood.”
“Belle, now is not the time to have this entitled pride. You don’t do anything but sit in this house and mope. Get your ass up and get two jobs if you have to. Carson gave you one hundred thousand dollars to get on your feet. What did you do the day after he put it in your account? You took your silly ass back to that damn boutique and bought eighteen damn thousand dollars’ worth of clothes. Who the hell does that?”
Yeah, I did that. “Gabrielle, there was no way that I was going to let Geoffrey talk about me. Tell everyone that I’m broke. Fuck no. I have an image.”
She chortled. “Newsflash, Belle—you’re fucking broke! No one gives a fuck about what someone is going to say about you. Image, are you fucking serious?” She laughed heartily. “You really need to grow up and let what happened to you really soak into that head of yours. Your husband admitted that you two were never married. He was married to another woman with two children, and he left you with financial responsibilities that you never took the time to know about or deal with.”
Tears laced my cheeks. I knew she was right, but what the hell was I supposed to do? For over ten years, I maintained a certain class of life. I was a part of an elite social circle and clubs that I now couldn’t afford the membership fees. “I haven’t had a job since college. There’s nothing to put on my résumé, Gabrielle. I get what you’re saying, but I don’t know the first step to get where I need to be.”
Gabrielle’s eyes softened. She lived a middle-class life where she worked hard for everything that she had. I met her in college before I met Carson. She knew the real me; Gabrielle knew Adabelle Caroline Lee. A drunken night of me feeling sorry for myself caused me to pour out my soul to her. She stood beside me through a lot. I loved her for that.
She leaned forward on the island to grab my hands. “These are the steps I would take. You aren’t obligated to take them, but I want you to honestly think about them. I would first put my house on the market, then I would go through my closet. Everything that still has a tag on it, I would sell it. Your car is paid off, so there’s no worry there.”
I laughed at her suggestion. “Girl, that means that I would have to sell more than half my wardrobe. Whew, I’d have to repeat outfits.” The thought of that made my head hurt.
“I know you’re fucking lying. Did you just say to me that you would have to repeat outfits? So the fuck what! Who the hell do you have to impress? Those bitches at your precious clubs that don’t give a happy duck fuck about you?” Her eyes tightened. “Look, call me when you’re ready to grow the hell up.
“You know I love you. You are in a different space in your life that is requiring you to get off your ass and make some moves for yourself. No one is going to take pity on you for a situation that you put yourself in. Every time Carson told you to stop spending, you spent more as if you were saying fuck you. The man would drop fifty thousand dollars in youraccount almost every week. Instead of holding on to it, you went on a trip, shopping, trying to show off for your fake friends that don’t give a damn about you. Trust me, when they find out Carson left and you’re in essence broke, they will show their true colors.”
I knew she was right. I’d seen them blackball women who didn’t live up to their standards anymore. Gabrielle grabbed her crossbody purse, stood up, and put it across her body. “The last thing that I would do is take my ass back home to Newsome until you got on your feet. You said that your grandmother left you a house that is paid for. Time to reassess everything and come to a realistic conclusion of what should happen.” She smoothly walked out of my house, giving me a lot to think about.
Minutes after she left, I broke down again. I was tired of breaking down. There was no way that I would be able to maintain my lifestyle at this rate. I was already two months behind on mortgage. I reached out to Carson to ask if he could give me a little more money. He told me hell no, hung up, then blocked me. A few days later, he changed his number.
I knew what I had to do. I didn’t want to do it, but I knew. My life had already changed, and now it was about to change in a way that felt more damning than Carson leaving me. The thought of going back to Newsome made me want to throw up—the place where everyone was beneath me.
GROCERY STORE RUN IN…
“First, my name is Belle,” I said with my eyes on this bum nigga. My head slowly turned in the other direction to glare at the otherbum on the aisle. “Secondly, bitch, fuck you.”
Fuck that cereal.I backed out of the aisle, mad as hell. This was why I didn’t want to come back to this godforsaken place. A week or so after I had the conversation with Gabrielle, I buckled and called my mom. As I knew she would, she told me to come home. After I agreed, I put my house on the market. Gabrielle helped me go through my closet to pick items to sell.
She convinced me to have amake roomexclusive sale. I invited all of the women that I knew could afford the clothing that I wanted to sell. The premise of the sale was that I wanted toupgrademy wardrobe, but I needed more room. I never thought it would work, but to my surprise, it worked like a charm. Between my clothes, shoes, and accessories, I made two hundred and seventy thousand dollars which was less than half of what I paid for it. I was hyped. That was until Gabrielle suggested that I used two hundred thousand dollars of what I earned to pay down my credit card debt.
Begrudgingly, I took her advice. I couldn’t be broke and have bad damn credit. My father paid for my car and things to be shipped. Gabrielle suggested that I sell my furniture, but I said hell no. I wanted to keep something nice if I had to go back to my podunk hometown. Here I was, back in Newsome, Alabama.
I’d done well not to run into anyone, because I stayed in my house. The random day I decided to go to the store, I run into bitch ass Tink and her cousin, Gunner. It was impossible to forget the two of them. Tink couldn’t stand me, and the feeling was mutual. In high school, I talked so much shit about her. I had one friend in high school, but I left her behind when I went to college. I heard she got out of Newsome which was great for her.
Tink was this little thing compared to me. I was a voluptuous woman with curves to kill for. That was the one thing that Icouldn’t leave behind. I was a grass beef-fed, cornbread, thick girl from the south.
I moved through the store to get the things that I needed. When I moved into my grandmother’s house, my mom had already stocked it with groceries. When I ran out, I went to her with a list to get my groceries. She looked at me like I was crazy before she told me that she wasn’t my maid or do-girl. She could be so fucking difficult. That was a part of the reason that I left.
I went down another aisle. Like a plague, there Gunner was. His back was to me, but I knew it was him. He had been fine as hell since high school. Time had been very nice to him because he was finer now. Him being fine didn’t change the fact that his ass was probably broke. His family owned a lot of land, one of the only two grocery stores in town, and the only liquor store.
I hurriedly grabbed the things I needed and was out of there. Like God wanted to be entertained today, I saw Gunner and Tink in the parking lot. I rolled my eyes when I saw what he was driving. He was in this overly big pickup truck like the country boy that he was. They watched me walk to my custom painted G-Wagon that was an anniversary present from Carson last year. I looked out of my window, then turned my nose up at them.Fuck them!
Just as I put my gear into reverse, there was a knock on my window. My head snapped in that direction to see Tink. I rolled my eyes as I rolled down my window. “What can I help you with, little ugly?”
She smirked before she crossed her arms over herself. “Girl, you wish I was ugly, but I digress though. I see you turning your nose up, but boo, sit down and shut up. For a bitch who was in a fake marriage and is dead ass broke, your ass should really be humble right now.” She tapped the top of my door. “Let me know if you need a couple dollars. I got you.”
I couldn’t move.How the hell did she know that?I didn’t want anyone to know that.My fucking mother!