Page 27 of The Mistake

‘Stu, mate, don’t be daft. You know me and Nat aren’t like that. Everything is fine. Honestly, pal. We’ve just been so busy with the baby, but me and Nat are great. We’ve never been happier.’ Pete grins and claps Stu on the back, and if Stu notices that Pete’s smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes, then he doesn’t mention it.

Pete’s not sure if it’s the buzz from the beer, or the fact that the garden is alive with laughter and the hum of conversation, that’s making his heart full, but either way he doesn’t want it to change. It’s as if the storm earlier today has chased away the dark cloudhanging over his own house, and he can finally breathe. At the end of the garden Zadie pushes Stu’s daughter Lola on the swing, both of the two girls bossing around Stu’s son, who’s two years younger. Emily stands by the table talking to old Mrs Noyce, Jake beside her. Pete watches as Jake slides his hand into Emily’s, pressing lightly against her fingers, and Emily turns to him with a smile. Pete isn’t too enamoured with the idea of Emily having a serious relationship at her age, but now she’s off to university it’s something he won’t have to worry about too much. No more persistent thud of crappy rap music emanating from Jake’s car at all hours as he honks his horn and waits for Emily to scurry out to him. No more tears from Em as they (Pete and Natalie included) try to navigate the ups and downs of young love. No more scraping of Emily’s window at night as Jake slides it open and climbs inside her bedroom – Pete and Natalie have argued over whether to confront the two of them over it more than once, but now he’s not going to have to lie there with clenched fists, resisting the urge to drag Jake out by the scruff of his neck and throw him down the stairs. Pete gives it until Christmas before Emily fully embraces university life and gives Jake the heave-ho.Out of sight, out of mindand all that. A peal of laughter rents the air, familiar and yet not, and Pete turns to see Natalie laughing with a couple of women from her office, as she bounces a gurgling Erin in her arms. It’s as though Pete has seen a ghost – a glimpse of the Natalie he knew before Erin was born – and he has to blink for a minute. He can’t believe he’s behaved like such an idiot. Can’t believe that he risked this – riskedeverything– for a woman who belongs buried deep in his past, who means nothing to him and hasn’t for a long time.

Smiling to himself, Pete turns down the Spotify playlist Emily made and picks up a fork, banging it against the side of his beer bottle, smiling as his eldest daughter turns and groans when she realises what he’s about to do.

‘Ladies and gentlemen …’ he begins.

‘No, Dad. Please don’t.’ Emily covers her face with her hands, but she’s smiling as she does it.

As everyone turns to face Pete, he climbs up onto a rickety garden chair and spreads his arms wide. ‘Everybody, thank you so much for coming today, to help us celebrate our Emily’s eighteenth birthday.’ There are whoops and cheers, and Pete sees Jake’s arm slide around Emily, as Natalie glances their way with a smile.

‘That isn’t the only thing we’re celebrating today,’ Pete pauses for dramatic effect. ‘We’re also celebrating the fact that not only did our Em achieve three A stars at A level, but she’s also accepted a place this morning to study law at Durham University.’ A gasp ripples through the crowd of friends and family, followed by clapping as Stu starts to cheer. ‘We’ve had a year of upheaval in our house,’ Pete goes on as, just on cue, Erin lets out a wail, ‘and I know you’ve found it tough studying through it all, Em, especially when you’ve stepped in so much to help your mum with Erin, but I just wanted to tell you how proud your mum and I are of what you’ve achieved.’ Pete raises his beer, nodding at Stu. ‘And just because there’s going to be a lawyer in the family doesn’t mean you can misbehave, Stu.’ Laughter runs through the crowd, but Emily isn’t laughing.

‘Dad,stop.’ Emily’s face burns a bright, vicious red as she looks up at him, Jake’s arm sliding from her shoulder.

‘Sorry, Em, I know I’m embarrassing you, but I am honestly so bloody proud of all you’ve achieved.’ His chest feels tight, his throat thick with emotion as Pete scans the small crowd for Natalie, holding out a hand to her as he catches her eye. Rolling her eyes, Natalie puts her half-empty wine glass down and makes her way towards him, allowing Pete to pull her up on to the garden chair next to his. ‘This woman here is the backbone of our family, and everything we do, everything we have together, is because of her. Natalie, I want to thank you for giving me these perfect children, for taking care of us all.’ Pete stumbles alittle over this, knowing that lately all of it has been difficult for Natalie. ‘You’ve given me a pretty much perfect life ever since youliterallyswept me off my feet twenty years ago, and I love you.’ Leaning in, he presses his mouth to hers and she resists for just a moment before leaning into him, as their friends and family whoop and catcall, raising their glasses in a toast.

Natalie pulls away, her face flushed, but from the kiss or the wine Pete doesn’t know, and doesn’t care. ‘I love you,’ he says again, cheers ringing in his ears, along with the faint grumble of a cry from Erin, and Natalie gives him a small smile but doesn’t say it back.

‘Now …’ Pete turns to the group assembled on the lawn, raising his beer again. ‘I say we get drunk!’

It’s as he’s about to step off the chair that he catches the first glimpse of something that he’s not quite sure he’s really seeing. A flash of familiar dark hair that makes his heart stop dead in his chest. Pausing, he scans the crowd as people begin to move away, towards the table groaning with Natalie’s beige food and ice buckets full of wine and beer bottles. But he isn’t mistaken. There, at the fringes of the crowd, raising a glass of wine in his direction as she stares at him, is Vanessa.

Natalie

Natalie feels herself tense as Pete leans in for a dramatic kiss, forcing herself to relax and return his affection, aware that their entire group of friends and family – and even the old people from across the street; Pete really went to town with the invitations – are watching. As Pete tells her he loves her, all she can hear is the sound of Erin grizzling in the arms of someone else in the crowd, an insistent cry that burrows its way deep under her skin, like the sting of a mosquito. Finally, he lets her go and she pastes on a smile as she stumbles from the garden chair and snatches up her half-drunk wine, Erin’s wails growing louder.

‘Brilliant speech, eh, Nat?’ Stu grabs her arm as she moves towards Erin, pulling her towards him for a hug. ‘So bloody proud of Em and I’m just her godfather! You two must be so chuffed.’

‘Over the moon,’ Natalie says, her eyes running over the crowd as she spots Erin, her cries turning into full-blown wails. She’s in the arms of Gina, a woman Natalie has worked with for years, but who doesn’t have children and looks wildly uncomfortable as Erin squirms in her arms. ‘Sorry, Stu, I have to …’ Natalie gives him a brief smile and hurries towards her crying baby, resentment burning in her veins.

Pete is talking to one of his drinking buddies, letting rip a bubbling chain of laughter, seemingly unaware that Erin is crying, and Natalie necks the wine in her glass, a muttered ‘for fuck’s sake’ slipping from between her lips. For a moment – just a brief, tiny moment – Natalie had almost felt content at this party. She’s been funny and engaging, making small talk with their guests (even the random old people) with no problem at all as she sips on wine, while Erin is passed around from guestto guest, each of them cooing over her thick, dark hair, and the fact that she’sso good, what a good baby. She had felt, for a short time, like her old self. Like the Natalie who enjoyed dressing up and putting a bit of make-up on, who enjoyed laughing at other people’s not-funny anecdotes while sipping on cold white wine. For just a moment, the burden of responsibility had been lifted from Natalie’s shoulders as other people stepped in to look after Erin, but now it’s back, like a lead blanket, and she can’t stop the bitterness flooding her body as she makes her way towards her crying child while her husband – who just professed his love for her and their perfect children – drinks pretentious IPA and pretends he can’t hear the wailing.

‘Gina, I’m so sorry, Erin’s well overdue her nap.’ Natalie has to raise her voice over Erin’s ear-splitting cries. ‘Let me take her.’ She holds out her arms as Gina wrestles with an angry Erin, trying not to feel offended at the relief on the woman’s face as she surrenders the baby.

‘Nat?’ Eve appears at her side, peering at Erin. ‘Oh darling, what’s the matter?’ She pulls a silly face that Erin pauses in her screaming to stare at, and then turns to Natalie. ‘Here, let me take her.’ She holds out her arms.

‘No, it’s OK.’ Natalie feels her arms tighten instinctively around Erin’s hot, frantic body as she lets out another shriek.

‘Come on, Nat, don’t be silly.’ Eve gestures, flicking her fingers in a ‘come here’ motion. ‘Let me take her up for you, the poor thing is exhausted.’

‘Iknowshe is,’ Natalie says through gritted teeth, as Gina and several others look on. ‘I’m taking her up for a sleep now.’

‘You don’t want to miss the party, though,’ Eve says, her hands reaching out and seizing Erin around her chubby waist. She gives a tug, as if to wrestle Erin out of Natalie’s arms. ‘I can take her up for you, and then you can stay down here with your guests, have another drink. It’s not like I don’t know how to get her off to sleep.’

Natalie’s grip tightens and she twists slightly, angling Erin away from Eve, who clings on. Erin’s face is red and sweaty, and Natalie’s anger is a white-hot wall of rage that washes over her, making her vision dapple with black spots for a moment, as even Erin seems to sense it and take a break from her yelling. ‘Excuseme?’

‘I just meant—’

‘I know what you meant.’ Natalie’s voice is ice-cold, and her skin still smarts from the sting of Eve returning home with a sleeping Erin in the pram, that day when Natalie came so close to shaking the baby. Her eyes go to Eve’s hands, still holding stubbornly on to Erin’s waist. ‘But I am more than capable of taking my own child up to bed, Eve, even though I know you don’t believe that, and I’d appreciate it if you would let go of mydaughter.’

‘Nat, please, that wasn’t what I …’ Eve’s hands drop to her sides.

‘Just back off, Eve, I said I can do it. Erin is my daughter, not yours, and I am more than capable of taking care of her.’ Natalie turns to Gina, whose face burns red as she stares down at her glass. ‘I’m sure Gina and the others will understand if I have to step away from the party for a short while.’

Eve’s face is bleached of colour, her eyes wide. ‘Nat, I was just trying to help, that’s all.’

‘Did it ever occur to you that perhaps I don’t always want your help?’ Natalie is conveniently forgetting the times she has called Eve to come over when Erin just won’t stop crying and Pete is nowhere to be found. All she can see is Eve’s smug face as she bumped a sleeping Erin over the threshold, the way she told Natalie to shush so as not to wake her. Eve, preparing a plate of pasta that Zadie wolfed down in minutes after days of not eating for Natalie. Eve, walking around town with Erin in the pushchair, as other people watch and thinksheis Erin’s mother. ‘I know you’ve been cancelling your clients to come here instead, and it’s too much. You’re not helping me, Eve, you’re smotheringme. When I told you I didn’t know what I would do without you, it wasn’t an invitation for you to step in and take over my life.’

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