Page 50 of The Mistake

Natalie

Eve’s tail lights long gone in the distance, Natalie hurries back inside the hospital on unsteady feet, the smell of old dinners and disinfectant making her feel queasy.Eve was definitely being shady about Pete, she thinks as the lift ascends slowly back to the third floor.Why else would she ask where Pete was when Erin went missing? Something about it feels off to Natalie, but she can’t put her finger on it and she presses her hands over her eyes. It feels as if Eve wants Natalie to think that Pete did this.Is Eve trying to cover her own tracks by placing the blame on Pete? Or does Eve think that if Pete is out of the picture, I’ll draw her into our family as a substitute for him?Natalie doesn’t know where Pete was when Erin disappeared, but she doesn’t know where Eve was either. She isn’t even sure where she herself was when Erin was taken from her cot, and the drugs mixed with the wine have left her cotton-mouthed and vague. That, and the fear that in that short space of time where her memory is fragmented and patchy, she did something so awful she’s blocked it out completely.

Natalie has to focus on Erin now – on being the mother that Erin deserves. She steps out of the lift, heading towards the room where Erin was before, but it’s empty. Erin is still down for her ultrasound, so Natalie heads for the waiting room and pushes the door open, expecting to see Pete sitting on a chair in front of her.

‘Where is Pete? Has he not come back yet?’ Worry gnaws at Natalie’s insides as she opens the door to see only the police officer, the cold cup of hot chocolate on the table.Are the police still questioning him?The butterflies become a swarm, the anxiety almost painful. Why would they still be questioning Pete if he hadn’t done anything wrong?

‘Mrs Maxwell?’ The police officer is watching her with concern. ‘I said Mr Maxwell did come back here, and I told him you’d stepped out for some fresh air. I assumed he went outside to find you. Did you not catch up with him outside?’

‘No.’ Natalie frowns. She had expected Pete to be here waiting for her, waiting for news of Erin. She supposes it’s possible that they could have missed each other in the lifts, but even so she would have thought he’d be back by now.

‘Maybe he’s gone for a cigarette,’ she says, pulling her phone out of the pocket of her sundress. Pete thinks she doesn’t know that he still sneaks the odd fag, but of course, she does. She only wishes she’d been a bit more alert to all the other things he’s been hiding from her. She jabs at the phone screen, dialling his number, but when the call connects it’s to voicemail.

‘Shit.’ Fury at Pete and panic over Erin combine to leave Natalie jittery and on edge.How fucking difficult is it for Pete to answer his phone?A seed of doubt begins to grow in her mind, fertilised by Eve’s comments. Pete wouldn’t, would he? His daughter is lying in hospital; surely he wouldn’t … That now-familiar rage bubbles up at the thought of where Pete could be, and Natalie opens Find My iPhone, hoping to prove herself wrong.

Montpellier Square.The blue dot representing Pete pulses over an old apartment building in Montpellier Square.Vanessa’s flat. Natalie throws her phone onto the table with a crash, startling the police officer. How could Pete do this, now of all times? Natalie feels drained, hollow, as if Pete has ripped all the stuffing out of her, and she covers her face with her hands. She never knew it was possible to feel this hurt, this broken.

‘Natalie?’ DI Travis’s voice is soft as she peers into the waiting room. ‘Could you come with me, please?’

Natalie looks up, dropping her hands into her lap. ‘Really? Right now? I’m waiting for Erin to come back from her ultrasound and Pete …’ She swallows, trying to dislodge the lump in her throat.

‘This really won’t take very long.’

‘You’ve never been in this situation, have you?’ Natalie feels a surge of inner strength. This is herchild. She needs to be near her. ‘Wouldn’t you want to be near your child at a time like this? Would you want to be answering questions?’

DI Travis’s face is blank. ‘Like I said, it won’t take long, and I’m sure you’d rather do it here, than down at the station.’

Natalie nods and swipes her hands over her face, slicking away tears before she follows Travis to an office further down the corridor. Another police officer sits on the other side of the desk, and he stands as Natalie enters, introducing himself as DSHaynes.

‘I want to go back to the beginning,’ Travis says, ‘to when Erin was first born. I understand you struggled a bit with adjusting to having a third baby.’

Is that what Pete told them?Natalie sits forward, arranging her hands neatly in her lap under the table. ‘It was difficult, yes,’ she says. ‘I suppose I didn’t realise how much of an impact it would have on the family, going from two children to three.’ Natalie finds herself picking at her nails under the table. ‘Erin doesn’t sleep very much. I struggled with that – with the exhaustion.’

Travis nods as if she understands, and Natalie remembers her saying in the car that she had a young daughter. ‘Natalie, let’s talk about post-natal depression. I understand that was a big part of this for you. Did you suffer from it before, when you had Emily and Zadie?’

‘What? I don’t—’

‘How long have you been taking diazepam for?’

Natalie feels a horrifying sensation creeping over her, bringing a chill to her very core. The chat in the car with DI Travis wasn’t just one older mother to another, sharing their experiences. It wasn’t Travis being friendly. It was her feeling Natalie out, trying to judge whether she could have been responsible for this.

‘I don’t know where you’ve got your information,’ Natalie says coldly, ‘but I am not suffering from post-natal depression. I’vebeen a bit low, yes, but that’s exhaustion, not depression. Anyone would struggle to cope on two or three hours’ sleep a night.’

‘And the diazepam?’ Travis gives nothing away as she glances at her colleague and then back to Natalie. ‘Forgive my ignorance, Natalie, but I’m sure the doctor wouldn’t usually prescribe that just for exhaustion.’

‘I didn’t take them,’ Natalie says.

‘Four tablets are missing from the blister pack we found in the bathroom.’ Travis’s tone has lost any hint of warmth, and Natalie can feel the glacial chill radiating from her. ‘If you didn’t take them, who did?’

‘No, I did take them.’ Natalie feels tongue-tied, as if the detective is trying to trip her up. ‘I flushed two of the tablets away ages ago. I did take those other two tablets, but I never took any before today, that’s what I meant. You can check the prescription – it hasn’t been refilled.’ She pauses, her throat thickening. ‘I only took them tonight because … because I found out Pete had been sleeping with Vanessa. I’d also had an argument this evening with Eve, over the way she was with Erin.’ Had it really only been a few hours ago that Pete was standing on a rickety garden chair, making his ridiculous speech? Had it really only been a few hours since everything had come tumbling down? ‘Everything felt overwhelming, and seeing as everyone – Eve, the doctor – had been on at me to take them, telling me I would feel better if I did, I thought I might as well.’

DI Travis nods, steepling her hands under her chin. ‘Of course, Natalie, I understand. Having a young baby can be very overwhelming on its own, and with everything else that happened at the party …’ She pauses for a moment. ‘Tell me, Natalie. Have you ever felt at any point as though you might want to harm Erin?’

Natalie’s mouth falls open, but no words come out. What can she say? There was that terrible phone call to Eve – one she wishes she’d never made. She’d been terrified that day, afraid of herself and her own actions. Has Eve told them about the phonecall? About the way Natalie had cried down the phone, begging Eve to come over before she did something she would regret?

‘Natalie?’

‘No.’ She shakes her head violently, shaking away the thoughts of the phone call, of the hours she can’t seem to recall tonight. ‘I wouldn’t … I could never.’

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