Page 55 of The Mistake

‘Do you …? Do you think I could have done this to Erin?’

‘What? My God, Natalie, no.’ Pete shakes his head. He hadn’t thought it, not really. Even when the police were questioning him and he’d had that brief flicker of doubt, he knew deep down in his bones that Natalie could never be responsible for something like this. ‘What about you?’ he asks, with a flutter of nerves. ‘Did you ever think maybe I was responsible for taking Erin?’

Natalie shakes her head, her eyes never leaving his face. ‘Never, Pete. You might be a lot of things, but you love your kids. It never crossed my mind that you could have been responsible.’

Pete feels a chill at the thought running through his mind.If neither I nor Natalie is responsible for Erin’s abduction … then whois?

Natalie

Pete offers to be the one to go back to the house to pick up Emily and Zadie, to bring them to the hospital to see Erin, but Natalie finds herself desperate to see them, to hold them in her arms, so she says she’ll go, even though she feels a war waging inside her. Guilt at leaving Emily and Zadie at home all night with no idea at what’s going on, and fear that if she leaves Erin’s bedside, she’ll take a turn for the worse. It’s only when Pete swears he won’t take his eyes off Erin that she makes her decision, eager to race home and kiss her girls.

Natalie presses her foot hard on the accelerator through the quiet streets towards the house, glad the Sunday drivers are all still in bed as the sun rises over the horizon, spreading warm lilac and peach rays across the sky. She is exhausted but wired, buoyed by Erin’s survival and the fact that she can tell Emily and Zadie their baby sister is going to be fine. As she hurriedly parks on the drive, she almost runs the few steps to the front door.

‘Oh.’ Jake is the last person Natalie is expecting to see as she reaches the house, but there he is, standing at the open front door with a cautious smile on his face. He looks pale, dark, purple circles sprouting under his eyes, and Natalie realises he hasn’t slept at all. ‘Jake. I wasn’t expecting you.’

‘Sorry. Emily called me and told me what happened. She asked me to come back.’ Jake closes the door behind Natalie and follows her through to the kitchen, where a squat blonde woman in a police uniform sits at the kitchen table. ‘I sent Emily up to bed once Zadie was asleep, but I thought perhaps I should wait up, just in case Zadie woke again in the night. I know she’s had a few night-time accidents lately and I didn’t want her to comedownstairs and there only be a stranger in the house.’ He glances at the family liaison officer. ‘Sorry, Sally, no offence.’

‘None taken. I’ll get a pot of tea on, shall I?’ The FLO fills the kettle, moving around Natalie’s kitchen in a way that tells her this isn’t the first cuppa Sally’s had to make this evening.

Natalie gives Jake an appraising look. ‘Thanks,’ she says, ‘I really appreciate that.’ Maybe she’s got Jake wrong after all. Maybe he isn’t a hooligan in training, a loser destined for a council flat and a stint behind bars. What he’s done this evening is more thoughtful than Natalie would have expected from any adult male.

‘Erin … Is she …?’ Jake swallows, one hand reaching up to rub at his neck.

‘She’s going to be OK.’ Natalie still wants to cry as she thinks about Erin’s tiny body with all those tubes coming out of her. ‘I should wake Emily.’

Leaving Jake downstairs in the kitchen with the family liaison officer – and probably his fiftieth cup of tea of the night – Natalie creeps into Emily’s bedroom, perching on the end of her bed for a moment. Emily still sleeps the way she did as a little girl – with one arm flung over her head and one knee raised. Natalie has never understood how she can be comfortable like that all night long, but Pete sleeps the same way. Watching her now, Natalie feels her heart squeeze. How stupid she was to think that any of this was too much for her.

‘Em?’ She leans in, tickling Emily’s face with the ends of her hair. ‘Em, wake up.’

Emily’s eyelashes flutter and she pouts, before one eye creeps open and then the other. ‘Mum?’ There is a blissful moment where Natalie can see Emily has forgotten all about what happened the previous evening, the way you do when you wake up from a deep sleep, and then her eyes widen and the memory crashes in. ‘Mum, you’re back.’ Emily pushes into a sitting position, and wraps her arms around Natalie’s neck like she did when she was small andshe’d had a nightmare. ‘Is Erin going to be OK?’ Her voice is muffled, her breath hot against Natalie’s neck.

‘She’s going to be fine, love.’

‘Oh, thank God.’ A hot wetness seeps into the shoulder of Natalie’s cardigan as Emily beings to cry. ‘I’ve been so worried, I never meant to fall asleep, I wanted to wait for you …’

‘Shhhh. It’s all right, Em. Jake stayed awake downstairs. He’s a good egg.’ Emily pulls away, a frown on her face. ‘Yes, I said it. But I’m not saying it again.’ Natalie feels a smile tug at her lips.

‘Let me get up.’ Emily pushes the duvet back. ‘I want to come and see Erin. Can I give her a bottle? She is downstairs, isn’t she?’

Natalie puts her hand on Emily’s knee, stilling her. ‘She’s at the hospital, love. She had some breathing issues and they’re concerned about pneumonia, so they’re keeping her in for a few days for observation. It’s going to take a while for her to fully recover, but she’s in the best place, and Dad is with her right now.’

‘You should be with her, too,’ Emily says. ‘I can take care of Zadie, don’t worry.’

‘No, love, you’ve done enough for us,’ Natalie says. ‘I’m going to grab a few bits and then I’ll take you girls to see her, if you want? If she’s awake I know she’ll want to see you.’

‘Really?’ Emily smiles. Her hair is tangled, and there are dark smudges of mascara under her eyes, her lips stained with the remains of Natalie’s favourite MAC lipstick. She looks like a child who’d got into her mother’s make-up bag. ‘Let me shower quickly and I’ll be ready.’ She throws back the duvet and jumps out of bed, as Natalie watches her hurry towards the bathroom, all messy hair and long legs.

Moving along the hallway, she enters Zadie’s room, smiling as she sees the little bundle huddled under the duvet. There is the slight scent of urine in the room and her heart sinks.

‘Zadie? Zade? I need you to get up, my girlie.’ Natalie pulls back the covers but the bed is empty, the bundle Zadie’s ratty old bear instead of her sleepy little body. ‘Zadie?’ There is a sharpspike of fear, a horrifying sense of déjà vu as Natalie turns, taking in the bedroom. Zadie isn’t here.

Natalie runs along the hallway to the bathroom the two girls share, peering in on her own empty bedroom as she does, and hammers on the door.

‘Em? Emily? Is Zadie in there with you?’

Emily opens the door, steam filling the room as the shower runs behind her, her toothbrush stuck in her mouth. ‘Wha—?’

‘Zadie,’ Natalie repeats impatiently. ‘Is she in the bathroom with you?’

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