Page 58 of The Mistake

Travis looks grim as she takes in Natalie’s solemn face and the way her fingers tremble as she reaches out and grasps Pete’s hand tightly. ‘Let’s talk inside.’

Her heart sinking, Natalie leads them both into the kitchen, where the family liaison officer is once again filling the kettle. Emily and Jake have already left for the hospital, and Zadie is upstairs. Natalie points to the shoes on the table wordlessly, her throat tightening.

‘These are Zadie’s?’ Travis moves to the table, pulling a pen from her breast pocket. She pokes at the shoes, flipping one ofthem over so the muddy sole is exposed, the river weed clinging stubbornly to the strap as it dries.

‘Yes.’ The word is barely a whisper, and Pete comes to stand beside Natalie, his arm around her shoulder as if to prop her up.

‘Could she have worn these before the day of the party?’ Travis asks, her brows knitting together.

‘No.’ Natalie shakes her head, wrapping her arms across her body as if to ward off what’s coming next. ‘I bought these for her on Thursday afternoon, after Emily picked up her A level results, when I was picking up party supplies. She wore them for the first time at the party. When I was feeding Erin, right before I put her down to sleep, Zadie came in wearing them. They were clean then.’ Natalie pauses, her throat closing over. ‘She … She had smudges of lipstick on her hands when I came home. Red lipstick. Pete said there was red lipstick on Erin’s blanket.’

Travis puts her pen back in her pocket and turns to Pete and Natalie. ‘I think we should probably have a chat with Zadie.’

Pete feels something lodge in his gut as Natalie heads upstairs to fetch Zadie – something heavy and obstructive. Guilt, he thinks; guilt that he hasn’t been able to protect any of the girls in his family. ‘Please …’ he says to the police officer, his voice choked. ‘Please don’t … She’s just a baby.’

‘We just need to talk to her, Pete.’ Travis has dropped the iron persona and almost seems human. ‘We need to get to the bottom of what happened here last night. Oh, hey! Hi, Zadie!’ She slaps on a big grin, but Zadie eyes her warily before her eyes go to the Crocs on the table. ‘Can we have a little chat together? Me and you and your mum and dad? My name’s Lucy, by the way.’

Zadie’s thumb goes to her mouth, but she nods.

‘Let’s go and sit on the sofa, shall we?’ Travis holds out a hand and Zadie lets her lead her towards the sofa in the sitting room. Pete and Natalie follow, Pete squeezing Natalie’s icy cold hand as they do.

‘So, Zadie, I just wanted to have a little chat with you about your new shoes. They’re pretty smart, hey? They’re kind of dirty, though. Do you know how they got all this mud and stuff onthem?’

Zadie stays silent, her thumb still wedged in her mouth, but her eyes fill with tears and a fierce blush crawls over her cheeks, staining them a deep crimson. Natalie feels her own eyes smart and she steps forward, crouching on the floor beside where Zadie sits on the sofa.

‘Zade?’ Natalie reaches out and lifts Zadie’s chin so she has to look at her. ‘Did you take Erin out to the woods last night?’

There is a long silence, one in which Pete can hear his own ragged breathing and the crash of his pulse in his ears and then, slowly, Zadie nods. A tear slides down one cheek as she looks up at him and nods. ‘Am I in lots of trouble?’

Natalie slides onto the sofa beside Zadie, feeling as if her heart will break as she wraps her arms around her, and Zadie sniffles, her face hot and wet with tears. Pete comes to sit on the other side and does the same, wrapping his arm around Zadie from the other side, both of them forming a protective barrier around her.

DI Travis comes to sit on the floor in front of the sofa, so she is at eye level with Zadie. ‘Can you tell us what happened?’ she asks in a gentle voice. ‘What happened at the party that made you think you should take Erin out to the woods?’

‘I didn’t mean to hurt her,’ Zadie says quietly as Natalie gently eases her thumb away from her mouth. ‘Erin cries a lot and that makes my mum cry a lot, too. Ever since the baby came home my mum cries every day.’

Her words are like a punch to Natalie’s gut. She’d thought she’d hidden the way she was feeling from Zadie quite well, but clearly not well enough.

‘So what happened last night, Zadie? Something did happen, didn’t it, to make you think you should take Erin outside?’ Travis leans forward, her eyes never leaving Zadie’s face.

Zadie swipes a hand over her cheek and then over her shorts, smearing tears into the fabric. ‘I didn’t feel very well, and I told my mum I felt sick but she just told me to go to bed. I did go to bed for a bit, but I didn’t want to miss the party either.’ She sneaks a look at Pete and Natalie from under her lashes. ‘So I went and sat at the top of the stairs so I could hear the music.’

‘And then what happened?’ Travis puts a reassuring hand on Zadie’s knee. ‘You’re not in trouble, Zadie, but I do need you to tell me what happened.’

‘Mummy and Daddy were fighting.’ Another fat tear slips its way down Zadie’s cheek as Natalie closes her eyes, feeling sick with shame and regret. ‘I heard Mummy say it was a mistake having Erin and everything would have been OK if we didn’t haveher. She said none of this would have happened if she didn’thave the baby.’

‘Oh, Zadie.’ Natalie presses a kiss to the top of her head, trying not to let her tears fall.

Pete closes his eyes, each word like a tiny jabbing knife stripping away the top layer of his skin. Like Natalie, he had thought that he’d hidden the way he was feeling, and he’d been so wrapped up in Vanessa that it hadn’t even occurred to him that Zadie would notice he wasn’t there every evening. He’s a terrible father, a terrible husband. He has to make things right.

‘I thought maybe if Erin wasn’t here, then Mummy and Daddy would be happy again and everything would go back to how it was before. I wouldn’t wee the bed any more. I wanted to ask Eve to look after her because I know Eve loves her, but I thought she would say no. I thought if I left her in the tree, someone would see her on the way home from the party and maybe take care of her.’

‘Oh, Zadie, my love.’ Natalie feels as if her heart has been ripped out and handed to her on a plate. Poor, poor Zadie, thinking she could be the only one who knew how to fix this horrible mess.

‘I didn’t want to do it,’ Zadie cries, gulping back a huge sob.‘I love Erin, she’s the best baby in the world, but I just wanted Mummy and Daddy to stop fighting and for Daddy to come home.’

Pete reaches out behind Zadie’s back and links his fingers through Natalie’s as tears stream down Natalie’s face. ‘Am I going to prison?’ Zadie asks him, turning her stricken face to him. ‘Please don’t be mad at me, I’m sorry, Daddy.’

‘No, Zadie, you’re not going to prison. I’m not mad at you, sweetie.’ Pete’s mad at himself, at the whole sorry situation.

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