Page 13 of Razor's Property

“Your phone, Sean?”

“Never agreed to your deal. But if you want to get back on my lap, finish what we started, I’ll let you use it.”

The ice in her eyes chills the blood in my veins. She turns on a huff and stomps her way back to the bedroom, slamming the door shut. I run my hands down my face, letting out all the pent-up frustration that’s built in my chest in one giant sigh. I have to adjust my aching balls to get them out of their pinned state. I fucking felt it. She was right there with me. Soaked in her need and rubbing all over me. So why the fuck did she stop?

My ass is out of my chair, storming after her. I open the door and find her putting on one of my flannels, making my balls hurt even more. Fuck, she looks hot.

“You want to tell me what the fuck just happened?”

Her head glances back over her shoulder as she keeps buttoning those little buttons, keeping her pretty tits hidden from my view.

“You paid for a dance. I danced. Like I said, I’m not going to fuck you.”

I move in closer—about two seconds from pinning her down on the bed and spanking that stubborn ass.

“Don’t deny it, Kens. You wanted it just as fucking bad. Felt how fucking wet you were.” I step up to her back, my head dipping right to her ear, brushing over her soft skin. “I can take the pain away, baby. I can make you feel so fucking good. All you got to do is let me in.”

She stiffens at my words, jerking away from me.

“The pain you caused is in here.” She points to the left side of her chest. “Nothing you do or say can take it away, Sean. Thenight you fucked around with those girls…” she seethes. “The night you broke my heart can’t be fucked out of my system. You made your choice. You chose the brotherhood. And now you have to live with that choice. Keeping me here, locked up in this cabin, isn’t going to change the way I feel about you. All it’s doing is making me hate you more.”

If I could go back and change one fucking day, one fucking moment, it would be the moment I let myself feel pressured into doing something I didn’t want to do. It wasn’t the guys’ fault. I know I have to own my actions. But I was so desperate for their acceptance, I chose to betray my heart. She’s right. I can’t fuck that away. Nor can I turn back time.

“I know I made the wrong choice. I’ve lived with that regret every day for the last fucking eight years. I don’t know what more you want from me, Kens. I’m sorry. I fucked up. And all I fucking wish is that I could go back to that one fucking night and do it all over again. You were always my choice. Always have been. And always fucking will be.”

I turn and storm from the room, needing some fresh air. I can’t breathe. It feels just like it did on the day I watched Rubble take the bullet for me and fall to his death. My world is caving in, burying me alive under the weight of every single wrong choice I’ve ever made. I can’t fix any of it.

8

Kensington

Ihear the front door of the cabin slam and his cursed shout echo through the window. The force of his words sinks me to the bed. The pain in his eyes was so deep. He’s hurting. And more than anything, I want to take it away. But… it doesn’t change anything. Even if I can find a way to forgive him, he’s still and always will be a Savage Knight.

I climb off the bed, needing the answer to the question that’s been plaguing me since the day I lost him. He’s sitting on the porch, looking down, reminding me of the boy I saw through my window. The one looking so lost and sad it nearly ripped my heart out. I sit down next to him, taking a deep breath and watching the smoke rise as I let it out. It’s cold, but it’s a welcome change to the heat coursing through my body.

“Why’d you join the club, Sean?” It’s the one thing I never truly understood. He had a good family. A good life. And he hadme. Yet, he gave it all up for the Savage Knights. And I’ve never understood why he wanted them so much.

“At first,” he breathes out slowly, his voice a deep rasp of what it was inside. “It was admiration. I saw the guys around town, so strong and tough. Powerful.” He shakes his head, looking out into the vast forest. His warm, heavy breaths creating a mist with every word. “Everyone in town feared them, and as a teenage boy, I thought that was cool as shit. I wanted people to look up to me in that same way. I wanted that kind of respect. To be revered. And I won’t lie. The idea of earning money to fix bikes was a fucking dream. It’s all I wanted to do.”

I remember. He loved fixing up his granddad’s old bike. He was so proud of himself for what he’d done. I could tell that if the choice was his, it’s what he’d do for a living. But his grandparents wanted him to go to college and get a good job, one making more than minimum wage. And after all they’d done for him—taking him in and raising him—I know he didn’t want to let them down.

“Once I started going to the club and working on their bikes, the guys started bringing me into the fold, made me feel like I was one of them. It was like I had a bunch of older brothers to hang out with. Taking me under their wing, teaching me shit. And King… he was like a second dad to me. Always taking the time to talk to me… telling me about what he’d been through and how you get through the rough patches of life. And he always told me how proud he was of me. It felt good. It felt like I had a dad again. My grandparents were great, but it wasn’t the same. I can’t describe it. But with King, there was no expectation. There was no standard to measure up to.”

Yeah, I can see that. I loved Sean’s grandparents like they were my own, but his gramps was retired military and was always tough on him. He rarely gave praise or showed his emotions. Always wanting to push his grandson to do better, towork harder. Achieve more. But what Mr. Ashton didn’t give in words, he gave in time. Always bringing us up here to go fishing. Teaching Sean every life skill he’d learned throughout his life. But I guess as a boy, Sean didn’t so much care for knowing how to hook a worm. He wanted to hear that he was good enough. And that’s what he got from the club.

“Over time, the guys started sharing things with me about club business and it made me respect them even more. It also made me want to be a part of it. I wanted to fight the drug lords and help clean up the streets. Though, I wasn’t naïve to the other side of that life. I knew it came with risks, and that I was signing up for a life that wasn’t in line with the law. But I still wanted it. I was done living the straight and narrow. I was done falling in line and following everyone’s rules. God, I loved the fucking high of it.” He looks up at the sky, breathing in deep. “The adrenaline. The open roads. The life. It felt so freeing.”

And the women. I know he loved that too. Girls falling all over themselves to be with these dangerous men. Offering up wild sex on the regular with no strings attached, just wanting their attention. What guy wouldn’t love that?

“But I knew you didn’t like it, Kens.” He glances over at me. He’s not wrong. I hated it. “I tried to deny it at first, tell myself I could keep my lives separate, but I could tell you hated me being a part of the club. And I’m not gonna lie. I resented the fact that you wouldn’t give them a chance. I was pissed at you for judging them without even knowing them. And that anger festered, got inside my head, and I let it take over. When you didn’t want to spend my birthday at the club, it felt like an ultimatum. Like you were forcing me to choose, and I was so fucking angry. But then you showed up.”

And I got to see firsthand how much he resented me.

I sat in my room, knowing that I was about to lose him. It was my biggest fear. It was the reason I didn’t want him being apart of the club. He went from spending all his free time with me, to going straight to the club the moment we got out of school, staying there until all hours of the night. Everything about him was changing. His clothes, his priorities, his personality. And it felt like my Sean was slipping away.

I’d told him how much I hated the club, hoping he’d quit. Hoping he’d choose me and walk away from them. But then… the night of his birthday, I realized I was pushing him away. Pushing him straight to them. So, I went there to surprise him. To prove my love and show him that I wanted him no matter what. I was trying to be openminded. But… my biggest fear was realized.

I’d already lost him.

---