Page 16 of Razor's Property

“Can you tell me what you’re thinking, baby?” I need a clue so I don’t fuck things up.

“Look, Sean.” She sighs as her hands squeeze tighter around her coffee mug. “I really do appreciate what you did for me. That was a lot of money, and I’m beyond grateful for your kindness and such a generous gesture. But I need to pay you back. I don’t feel right about it. And if we’re going to be um…friends…again, I need to clear my debts.”

The hell she will. Me paying off her house is me taking care of my woman. And whatever other debts she’s got I plan on clearing those, too. Though, I may not be telling her about them based on her reaction. The guilt is riding her hard, but she has no idea how hard the guilt over what I did to her is riding me. This is a tiny way of me making up for all my wrongs against her.

I don’t want her worrying about money anymore. The only thing she needs to be worrying about from here on out is what she wants out of life, and I’m hoping I’m part of that equation. Won’t stop until her happiness and future equal me.

“Don’t want your money, babe. It was a gift.”

“It’s too generous and… I feel like…” Her eyes drop down to the contents of her mug, and the contents of my stomach are twisting tighter. She’s so damn nervous. A striking difference to the fiery girl who was giving me sass yesterday. “It feels like you want me to just forget. And I’m not there yet. And I can’t say Iever will be. Taking your money makes me feel like my hand is being forced into this, like there’s an obligation to let it go. And I don’t know if I can. I hope you can understand.”

It’s not just my stomach that sinks into the pit of my despair, my heart slides right down with it, drowning in my regret. For as much as she can’t forget, I will never forget the look in her eyes. Her swollen face when I showed up on her front porch. The gut-wrenching sound when she broke down in tears. It still torments me every day. Makes me loathe myself. I wish like hell I could undo my actions. But I can’t turn back the clock. All I can do now is pave a new road of trust in hopes that she’ll give me another chance.

“Let me tell you something, baby.” I move in, crouching right in front of her chair, looking up into the eyes I’ve seen in my dreams ever since I was a young boy. The eyes I missed day in and day out for the last eight years. “I didn’t pay your debt in hopes that you’d forgive and forget. Like I said last night, I did it because I care about you and don’t want to see you struggling. Anything I can do to help, I will. I know after what I did, trust doesn’t come easily, but I’m telling you, on my life, I would never betray you again. I’m willing to put in the work to earn your trust again, but I need to know that you’re willing to give me a chance. If paying me back is something that gets me closer to that goal, I’ll let you.” I would never. “But even if you decided you couldn’t go forward with me, I’d still want to help you. You have and will always be my girl. Even if I can’t have you, that will never change. There’s no obligation on your part. No strings. Helping you out is helping me breathe a little lighter.”

Her nerves get swallowed down thickly. Her throat rolling like a slow wave. And my nerves rise up in my chest like a cresting storm lodging in my airways and making it impossible to breathe. I’ve laid it all out on the line for her, and now she has to decide whether she’s willing to take a risk on me or not. All Ineed is for her to let me in again then I’ll do the work. Prove my worth. But if she doesn’t give me a chance, I don’t know if I’ll ever breathe steady again.

“I’m not saying there’s a chance…” She finally speaks, and my nerves are held on the precipice, wading in insecurity. “But I miss my friend. So can we start there?”

It’s a partial opening. A mere crack in the door, but it’s all I need. And I am so fucking grateful for it.

“Yes. I’ll take whatever I can get.” She can stick me in the friend-zone if that’s what makes her happy, but I’ll be barreling through every reservation and doubt to win her heart. “Now, how about you eat up, then we’ll go down to the lake?”

That pretty head tips me a yes, and there’s a hint of a sweet smile forming on her lips. By the day’s end, I hope I can have her laughing again. That sound was one of my favorites. A close second to the sound of her coming for me. I shift back and take my seat so I don’t push my luck and do something to piss her off, like lick the syrup off her plump pink lips. I’m so damn thankful she’s giving me a chance. And this time, I won’t fuck it up.

10

Kensington

Ican’t remember the last time I had a day like today, the last time I felt so carefree and unburdened. It was like old times. We went down to the lake and fished. Skipping rocks and reminiscing about when we were kids. Me busting his chops over not catching any fish, while I was reeling them in one after another. Him teasing me over the fact that I still won’t touch a worm, while I splashed him with the frigid water for making fun of me. Only to find myself splayed out on my back being tickled by his big hands.

We laughed and joked around all day. And… he flirted. Finding little ways to “accidentally brush his fingers across my skin, pressing himself against my back to remind me of how to cast the rod. He kept saying things that made me blush, making my body warm with those dark eyes, which kept eyeing me up every time I moved. But… he never crossed the line. He didn’tbreak his promise, though there were a few times I thought he might. And God, did I want him to.

He was just like the Sean I grew up with. My Sean, not Razor. And I wanted to kiss him so badly, I could barely hold steady.

“Did you get enough to eat, babe?”

He sinks down next to me on the couch and his heavy frame dips the cushions, taking up all my personal space, making it harder to fill my lungs.

“Yes, I got plenty to eat.” For a man, he really knows his way around a kitchen. And is so freaking sexy to watch. He worked with determination and dominance. A dark god covered in ink, consuming the entire space. His muscles flexing with every movement. And the way he licked his fingers, tasting the sauce off his skin… It had me starving for something other than the meal he’d made, which was the best thing I’ve eaten in years.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” I ask, desperate for any kind of distraction from my thoughts.

“Not really.” He shakes his head, shifting in closer. The look in his eyes sets the butterflies fluttering. My nerves are desperately trying to hold on to the ropes of my restraints and not fall forward into his arms. “I’d rather watch you strip your clothes off and sway those sexy hips. Any chance I can buy myself another dance?”

A dance? After what happened last night, I’m not so sure it’s a good idea. God, I loved the way he looked at me. He watched me like I was the most incredible thing he’d ever seen. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so sexy in my entire life. Not even when I was up on stage, having hundreds of men shouting at me, practically begging to get their hands on me. But nothing compared to the look burning in his hooded eyes, drawing his lids down from the weight of his desire. And then... his mouth. The way it felt wrapped around me, making me ache for him. My body hasnever felt so hot. Lust was burning me in its flames, and I barely made it out of the fire unscathed.

I should tell him no. It’s a bad idea. But after what he’s done for me with the house, I’d give him a million dances for free. Plus, he promised he wouldn’t touch me. But the real question isn’t whether I can hold him to that promise. The question is whether I want to.

I rise from the couch, taking a stance between his legs, looking down into his eyes. The same eyes that have been rooted in my memories for as far back as I can remember. Dark and beautiful.

“You have to keep your hands to yourself. You made me a promise.”

His jaw tightens as he nods, slowly, like the weight of that truth is a heavy pill for him to swallow. It’s quite the feeling, having so much power over him. Seeing how much he wants me. I’m not immune to those feelings. I want him just as much—in spite of knowing he’s bad for me, I still crave him deeply.

“Play ‘I See Red’ by Everybody Loves an Outlaw,” I tell him, choosing a song to remind myself not to get roped in by my desire. To remind myself of what he did. Though after today, it’s hard to scrounge up the hatred towards him. It’s hard to cling to the memory of that one horrid night when we had had ten years of amazing moments together. His actions today made me want to forget.

He picks up his phone in search of the song, and I walk to the fireplace, staring into the flames as I wait for the music to start. I don’t know how things could change so fast. Two weeks ago, I was wondering what the hell I was going to do to save my house from foreclosure. Two nights ago, I was showing up to work, fighting my pride to get up on stage, nervous as hell about Barker’s advances and the stipulations he’d placed on me in order to keep my job. And now… Now, I’m about to dancefor Sean Koda Ashton. The one man I had never wanted to see again.

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