The door opens and in he walks, tearing off his shirt, dropping his pants straight to the floor. The light of the moon is shining in through the window, making every ripple of his washboard stomach glow. He’s covered in ink. His tattoos run all the way down, a dragon breathing fire going straight below his boxers. I wonder if its tail is wrapped around his…It’s hard.
My eyes round in shock, quickly looking up. There’s a smirk on his face. He caught me staring at his crotch and now he’s gloating.
“What are you doing, Sean?” If he thinks he’s going to get some action, he’s wrong.
“Going to bed.” He lifts the comforter and climbs right in.
“If you’re going to keep me as your prisoner, the least you could do is give me your bed.”
“I am. You’re in it.”
“That means you sleep on the couch.”
He pulls the comforter over himself, plumping his pillow and completely ignoring me.
“Ugh… fine, you ass.” I grab my pillow and reach for the fur blanket, stomping back out of the bedroom and into the living room. I set myself up on the couch and stare up at the wood-beamed ceiling. At the cracks I used to study when I’d struggle to fall asleep, my thoughts spinning. Wondering if the boy laying on the ground next to me would one day ask me to marry him. I was so in love with him, it was all I wanted. My only dream for the future. But he didn’t turn out to be who I thought he was. He grew up and changed. Influenced by the wrong people.
The tear slips free, and I turn on my side, trying to tuck it all away. Wanting to forget. I start counting sheep until thememories unhook their tight grip and finally let me drift to sleep.
5
Razor
Ilift her sleeping form and carry her back to the bed, tucking her under the blankets. Staring down at the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. I was a fucking fool to ever let her go. I should never have convinced myself she was better off without me. Had I been there for her, she wouldn’t have had to bear everything alone. I could’ve held her as she cried herself to sleep at night. I could’ve helped her care for her mom. But she’s been struggling all alone, trying to make ends meet. Having to stoop to stripping to pay the bills. I want to fucking punch my lights out for leaving her out in the cold to fend for herself.
I want to cut my dick off for having betrayed her. The look in her eyes still haunts me. The utter despair when she saw me with those girls. The absolute disappointment. And the heartbreak. The pain sliced right through her, so deep I could feel it in my soul. And there I stood with my dick down another girl’s throat.
Fuck, I was such a bastard.
I had it so fucking good. I had something beyond sex with Kensy. I had something beyond what most wish to find in their lifetime. But I stupidly threw it away. And I don’t think I’ll ever get it back. There’s venom in her eyes now. A cold hatred that freezes me to the core every time she looks at me. I don’t know how to change it. Don’t know how to warm her to me again. But I’ll die trying. She still owns my heart. It’s still fucking hers after all these years, and there isn’t a doubt in my mind that it will be hers until the day I die.
I climb in next to her, and wrap myself around her warm body, breathing in her sweet scent. She still smells the same. Like fresh-cut flowers on a sunny day with a hint of vanilla. She’s the smell of home. Of all the good times. Of comfort. She smells of the girl who sat down next to me and took my hand, holding it as I cried. If it weren’t for her, I don’t think the pain of losing my parents would’ve ever stopped. My world crumbled. I lost my parents, home, and friends all in one swoop. But she came over day after day and brought me back to life. She became my everything.
I squeeze her tighter. For the first time since losing Rubble, I can breathe easier. The pain doesn’t hurt as much. I always thought I needed the brothers and the club to feel strong, but Kensy is my strength. Without her, I’m just a poser. I can’t let her go again. I need her.
6
Kensington
Isnuggle into the warmth. That old familiar smell from when I was a kid invading my dreams, reminding me of a time when I was safe and happy and didn’t have the weight of the entire world sitting on my shoulders. I savor it, knowing that when I open my eyes and wake from my sleep, it will be gone. I’ll be facing another day and a financial burden that never seems to ease up. And I only made nine hundred dollars last night, because…
My eyes fly open as the memory floods in. The sweet dream turning sour, and that warm comfort turning into a chill of harsh reality when I remember everything that happened last night. As the sleep clears from my vision, I find myself staring at a black dragon, breathing its fire all the way down my nerves. I shift away from him, peeling myself out from his hold, and climb off the bed. I wonder how I got here in the first place. I fell asleep on the couch, and I’ve never been known to sleepwalk.
“I can see your panties are already in a twist, babe,” says the rough voice, all raspy from sleep and sexy as hell. “You were clinging to me all night like a little monkey and now you’re hissing that venom again.”
The jerk has become seriously audacious. I wasn’t even aware I was in his arms. Had I known, I would’ve kicked him in the balls.
“That’s because I was dreaming that I was wrapped around Phillip,” I lie, aiming to rile him up. “Remember him?”
He lived down the street from us. Phil used to have a crush on me. But I had stupidly overlooked him for Sean. Now, I know Phil would’ve been the better choice. Safer. He grew up to be a dentist. A stable, sweet, and law-abiding citizen. But I gave my heart to the one who pulverized it with the big fat tire of his motorcycle, and it’s still smashed in the center of the road of my past.
He sits up, no longer looking lax and rested. His jaw is clamped so tight, it looks like he’s going to blow a gasket. I look down, trying to hide my smile, knowing my comment pricked his jealousy, but that smile fades when I notice how the blanket has shifted off his lap, revealing the huge tent between his legs. Instantly, my body warms in places it shouldn’t. Remembering every thick inch and exactly what he could do with that thing. We were young and inexperienced, but he was still the best lover I’ve ever had.
That’s because I was in love with him. My emotions weren’t tied to any of the others, so sex was just sex, imbued only with a need to get over the one from my past.
“See something you want, babe?”
My eyes jerk up. No. I will never want anything from this man again.