Page 89 of Tainted Tempos

She’s on edge and I don’t blame her. It’s been weeks and still, I want her.

But I can’t have her. I don’t deserve her. Not like this.

“I brought pastries,” I say, following her into the kitchen.

“Thank you,” she murmurs, moving to pull out plates and cutlery.

She places them down on the butcher block island but neither of us moves to take a sweet treat. Instead, we study each other.

“How are you?” Mckenna asks tentatively.

“I’m okay,” I say truthfully. “I… It’s been a month.”

“Yeah.”

“How about you?” I ask, hating how awkward our exchange feels.

Mckenna and I used to talk about everything and nothing and it felt comfortable. Natural and effortless.

“Hanging in there,” she offers. But I notice that she’s lost weight and her clothes hang off her frame.

My jaw tightens as I note the bags under her eyes. The way she keeps her arms wrapped around her stomach, as if she’s holding herself together.

I make her nervous. I keep her on edge. I hate that my presence fills her with anything but joy. But I also know that I’m not the right version of myself to love her the way she deserves to be loved. Not now.

I slide onto a barstool. Mckenna stands beside the island.

“Latte?” I offer, holding it out to her.

She takes it, and our fingers brush. Her eyes widen, and my heart stutters.

“Fuck, Mckenna, I miss you,” I admit, my tone cracking. “I miss you so goddamn much, sweetheart.”

“I miss you too, Maverick,” she sighs. A flicker of hope dances in her eyes. “Are you moving back home? Please tell me that’s why you’re here. I’ve been waiting for you. I’m here for you.”

My heart fucking breaks. I know I’m going to flip her world upside down, but I also know that it’s the best I can offer right now.

“I… Mckenna, you were right. Things between us moved at breakneck speed. We’ve been through so much in such a short amount of time.”

Mckenna nods, taking a tentative sip of her latte.

“We did,” she agrees, slipping onto the stool across from mine. “But I know you, Mav. Deep down, I know the man you are, and I trust you. I love you. We have everything that matters.”

Fuck. This is going to kill me.

“Come home, Mav. Please. We can fix this,” she pleads.

My fingers tremble as my chest physically aches. I stare at my beauty’s face and try to memorize the details. The flecks of gray in her navy eyes, the perfect rosebud shape of her lips.

Understanding washes over her expression in degrees. It’s heartbreaking to behold.

Confusion, uncertainty, disbelief, heartbreak.

“I’m in therapy,” I admit. “I’m getting help. But I have a long way to go.” I untuck the folder from below my arm and place it in the center of the island. “Turns out, you were right about everything, Mckenna. It’s hard to be half of a team when you’re not whole. And I’m not whole, baby. I don’t think I have been for a long time. Maybe not ever.”

“That’s not true,” she refutes, her eyes darting from the envelope to my face and back again. Panic blazes over her expression. “With me you were. We were?—”

“I hurt you, Mckenna.”

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