Page 41 of Draft Pick

I rubbed my eyes, groaning. I’d officially hit the insanity mark. I was prepared to defend a daughter — that may or may not — exist.

It was easier — not by a lot — but easier to picture a son because I had little brothers. I knew what it was like to have a little guy running around, looking up to you, throwing the football around, roughhousing, and knocking ‘em around as they ran around like heathens. That felt natural.

I had no idea how to be around a little girl.

It scared me.

But that’ll come later. First, win over mama. Second, be a great dad.

Third….don’t panic.

Danielle's eyesbugged as she curled beside me on the sofa, coffee mug in hand. "Oh my God, please tell me all of the tea, I have to know what happened."

I wasn't going to say anything about Cason showing up at my work, but maintaining any sense of privacy around my current situation was nearly impossible. Sloane had already told Darby, and Darby had told Danielle that if I needed emotional support, I would have it, seeing as Darby was out of town.

My little posse had become fiercely protective. My little Bambino would have a handful of dedicated aunties, which was great, except I wasn't used to all of this attention, which was a bit overwhelming.

I tried to downplay the situation. "It was okay but I was tired and cranky and my back hurt so I might not have been as nice as I should have been. I basically told him he didn't need to worry about me coming after him for any kind of support because I wasn't interested in having him be involved. I let him off the hook, and I hope that'll be the end of it but I am prepared to draw up paperwork so that he can sign away paternity."

Danielle frowned in surprise. "He was willing to sign away paternity? What a jerk."

"No, no," I quickly corrected Danielle, "Iwanthim to sign away paternity. The last thing I need is somebody blaming me for trapping Cason into some kind of support situation because of his football career. It's better this way for everyone involved, and honestly, my mom was a single mom, and I think I'll be just fine."

Danielle nodded, but she seemed unsure. "Yeah but if he wants to be a dad, why would you not want him to be a part of the baby's life?"

I shifted against the prick of discomfort, surprised by Danielle's question. "Lots of peoplethinkthey want to be a parent and then the reality is so much different. My dad talked a big game but then he bailed when I was a year old. I'm not going to have that happen to my kid. It's best to just start off on the right foot."

"How do you know that about your dad? You were a baby when he left."

"Well, my mom told me," I answered, adding, "and he clearly wasn't a part of my life so his absence verified what my mom said about him."

"Maybe," she said. "Or maybe your mom made it so he wasn't welcome."

Where was this coming from? "No, my mom wasn't like that. Trust me, I'm sure she would've liked having a partner."

Danielle nodded but still pressed her point. "Yeah, I get that but it seems kind of unfair to judge Cason by your dad's actions when he's a totally different person. You might be cutting a good person out of your kid's life because you're acting from a wounded place in your own childhood."

I stared, dumbfounded. Had Danielle just dropped some quality psychology on my stubborn ass? Wasn't I the one pursuing a child development career? I floundered in embarrassment, but I held my ground, countering with, "I don't know Cason well enough to know that it'snotaccurate information, and I'm not willing to take the chance. We're not talking about a taking a chance on a puppy together, we're talking about ababy. Seeing as I'm in charge of this new little life, I want to do the best that I can to give he or she, a good start. Nothing about our situation is conducive to a good start. I got pregnant on an extended one-night stand, which, if I'm being honest, is kinda embarrassing. I might even leave Cason out completely and say that I used a sperm donor."

Danielle shook her head. "Girl, you're crazy. Those hormones are playing ping-pong with your brain. That's a stupid idea."

"What do you mean that's a stupid idea?" I scowled, my pride bruised. "Do you really think Cason is ready to be a dad?"

"I don't know. Have you asked him?"

No, I hadn't. It wasn't as if I'd had time to work out everyone's feelings. If my head wasn't stuck in a toilet, I was either rushing to class, sneaking a nap, or working. Who had time to think of Cason's feelings?

"He's busy running off to be famous in the NFL and I'm not chasing after him, begging for scraps of his love, or his money. The very idea makes me want to vomit — and this kid has already made me vomit enough."

"You have definitely puked more than I thought possible for one human being," Danielle agreed.

"Exactly — and you have no idea how it hurts a kid to have a father that comes and goes when it's convenient for him. No, I have to make the best decision for me and my baby and the best decision is to cut him out."

"Sure, makes sense," Danielle said, seeming to concede, until she added with a shrug, "Or you could see how he does while you're pregnant and then make that decision when the baby gets here."

"What do you mean?"

"Like a test run. Pregnant women are really a lot. If he can put up with you while you're pregnant, swollen and gassy then he could probably handle a baby no problem."

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