Page 59 of Badlands

They drove around a low butte. He braked, then drove off the road, parking the pickup in the shadow of the butte.

“Okay, let’s roll.” He tucked the gun into the rear of his waistband and started to get out.

“Roll what?” Skip cried in a panic.

“Just follow my lead. Get your phone out and start recording—but surreptitiously. Skip, don’t worry—I’ve got everything under control.”

Edison walked back to the dirt road. Skip followed, heart pounding, as he fumbled with his cell phone. This was insane.

In minutes, the two pickups hauled into view. Edison waved at them from the roadside and they braked hard, slewing to a stop. The doors flew open and four guys got out, at least two holding long metal pipes. They came swaggering over, stopping about twenty feet away. They looked fierce: big-bellied, massively strong men with dirty faces. Two wore wifebeaters, one a greasy shirt, and the fourth was, surprisingly, in some sort of uniform, pressed and clean. Skip started to video, holding the phone casually at his side and trying to keep his fingers from trembling.

“You boys are trespassing,” said Mr. Clean—evidently the supervisor—stepping forward.

“This is public land,” said Edison, suddenly and surprisingly calm.

“Didn’t you see the signs?”

“I did. But as I said, this is public land. Now,Ihave a question:What do you intend to do with those pipes? Are you threatening us?”

Edison’s voice was so assured, it was like he’d become a different person.

“You boys are coming with us,” said the man. “We’re taking you to the sheriff.”

“You have no right to detain us.”

“Fuck you,” said the supervisor, beginning to grow angry. “You’re coming with us, whether you like it or not.”

“Nope,” said Edison. “And you’re off your fracking lease. This is national forest land.”

The supervisor was now red in the face. He glanced toward his crew. “Guys, show these motherfuckers we mean business.”

“We have the right to self-defense.”

“Fuck you, Jack,” said one of the men, advancing with pipe raised. The others followed.

Reaching around to the small of his back, Edison removed the gun from his waistband and held it lazily at his side.

The men halted. “Cocksucker’s got a gun.”

“Just so we’re clear,” Edison said. “I will exercise my legal right of self-defense if any of you takes even one more step forward. If you don’t believe me, go ahead and try calling my bluff.” He looked at each of them in turn, his gaze falling on Mr. Clean. “I can see you’re the supervisor. So you’re going to collect everyone’s IDs for me to examine. I’m reporting you to the oil company. My associate here has it all on video—and your bosses aren’t going to like what they see.”

The men looked at Skip in surprise. He nervously raised the phone. As he did so, the irate look on the supervisor’s face began to morph into an expression of apprehension and uncertainty. It was astonishing how quickly Edison had turned things around.

“Mr. Supervisor? Let’s have those IDs. Toss them on the ground, and my associate will record them with his phone.”

“Go fuck yourself. You’ve no right to collect our names or anything else.” The man’s tone was not as bellicose as his words implied.

“Just as you have no right to detain us.”

There was a silence that stretched into minutes.

“Tell you what,” said Edison with a sudden smile, tucking the gun back into his waistband. “I’m willing to let it go. We’ll go on our way, and you go on yours. No harm, no foul. What do you say?” His voice was laden with sarcasm.

The roughnecks looked at each other, shuffling their feet. Finally, the supervisor hawked up a gobbet and spat it on the ground, then without another word turned, making a brusque gesture for his crew to go back to their trucks. In a few minutes they had climbed in and were gone.

Abruptly, Edison started to laugh, shaking his head as they walked back to their own vehicle. “Guys like that are the proverbial dog that caught the car. You know, Skip, most people in this world are dumbasses: they take a leap, only to find themselves waist deep in shit.”

Skip tried to laugh along with this bit of philosophy.

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