Page 49 of An Uphill Battle

“You don’t get it, Azalea. My wanting you has never been the problem. It’s that I want more than your body, and you refuse to give it. I want your heart. Your soul. I want to know when something silly makes you smile. I want to be the one to cheer you up when you’re sad. I want to be the one you fall asleep beside and wake up next to. I want your everything, Azalea, because God knows, you already have mine, so until you’re willing to reciprocate... Get. The. Fuck. Outta.Here.”

“But... I love you,” she croaksout.

“Yeah? Do you? Then learn to show it. Actions speak louder, LittleBit.”

Without another word, she turns and walks away, her shoulders drooping and her head hanging low. It guts me to see her so dejected, but deep down, I know I’m doing right. Not only by me, but by both ofus.

Once my racing mind settles, I re-reheat my dinner and set it up on a TV tray in the living room. I make my way through it, bite by bite but not tasting any of it, until my plate is clear. “Why, Azalea, why?” I mutter aloud to the empty room, my mind and body warring against oneanother.

It felt so damn good to have her body tucked into mine. To feel her lips, to taste her, to touch her skin. And my God, her sweet peach scent lingers all over me, driving me damn-near crazy. But I’m done playing her games, and until she’s ready to giveallof herself to me, mind and body, this is the way it has tobe.

“Kasey. She’ll know what to do.” I stomp my way into the kitchen, grab my cell, and pound out her number. Thank God, she picks up on the firstring.

“Happy almost Christmas, D!” she chirps into thephone.

“Azalea came by,” I tellher.

“Oh. Wow. Are y’all all betternow?”

“Not hardly.” I pound my fist against the countertop, causing the plates drying on a rag to clatter. “Not even alittle.”

“Need me to comeby?”

“If you don’t mind.Yeah.”

“Okay, D. I’m on my way.” She disconnects the call, and I trudge back to my bedroom to change. I can’t stand the tease of her scent clinging to me for one moresecond.

AZALEA

Drake’s door slams shut, and I kick my heels off and run barefoot over the freezing wet grass to my car, refusing to let a single tear fall until I’m safely inside. But then, the dam breaks. I allow my tears to flow freely, not caring even an iota that I’ll look like the morning after, minus the nightbefore.

With my head resting against my steering wheel, I let it all out. And once my tears have dried, I call my best friend. The waterworks start up again when she doesn’t answer. But thankfully, she calls right back. “Myles,” I croak into thephone.

“Oh, sister-girl, I told you this was a cockamamieplan.”

“Not really the time for an ‘I told you so.’ Is there any way you could comeover?”

“Of course. Lemme tell Cash he’s on baby duty, and I’ll be right there.” I hear her holler for Cash as she ends the call. I crank my ignition and head home, ready for the comfort my best friend willbring.

I make it home with just enough time to strip out of my stupid red lingerie before tossing it in the trash and throwing on some baggy sweats and one of Drake’s old T-shirts.

“AzzyJo, come on down. I’m here,” Myla Rose calls out as she lets herselfin.

Trudging down the steps, I make my way to where she’s curled up on the couch, and I cuddle up next to her. “God, I’m so pathetic,Myles.”

“Oh, Az. You’re not pathetic, justmisguided.”

“I don’t get it. What do I need to dodifferently?”

“Everything. Absolutely everything. The physical is the easy part with y’all. But you need to find a way to show him you’re all in. Your mind and your heart and your body. Anything less, and you’ll lose him. Forgood.”

Her words bring little comfort, because I’m not sure how to do that—how to give him that. I’m pretty sure my ability to love fully was broken a long time ago. It flew out the window, along with all of my romantic fairy tale notions the minute I found out where I came from and how I was brought into thisworld.

I relay these thoughts to Myla Rose and she pats my head. “Your mom found a way to move forward. Now, it’s your turn. Sink or swim, sister-girl. The choice isyours.”

Sink or swim. When it’s put like that, there really isn’t a choice atall.

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