Page 57 of Best of Me

“I miss you,” I speak aloud, hoping Ash is right and that she can hear me. “I miss you so much. I wanted to come see you sooner, but…at first I was scared to even step foot back in this place. And then…Duke happened. He’s such a good man, Val.” I laugh, but it’s humorless. “But you know that—you know he’s good and kind and honorable and selfless.”

My tears fall unchecked as I lay my head against the cool marble. “I love him, you know? And he loves me—I know he does. I hope you’re okay with that. Because he still loves you, too, and he always will. You’re such an important part of who he is and while I wish you were here and that you two could have had your happily ever after together, I want you to know I’ll always treat him right and I’ll always honor your memory and your past with him.

“I don’t want to replace you, Val. I don’t want to diminish what y’all had. I just want to make him smile the way he does me. I just want to love him, to be there for him. I really think he and I have a chance at something special and I have to believe in my heart of hearts that you’d be okay with it because I know you loved him, too. I know it was a selfless kind of love and you’d want him to be happy.”

My voice and heart break simultaneously. “I promise I’ll do my best to make him happy.” I stay here, with my cheek pressed into her tombstone, sobbing for what feels like an eternity in my mind, but is only mere minutes in reality.

My tears steadily flow until the sky splits open raining down tears of its own on me, the droplets of water intermingling with my own making them indiscernible. The cold rain drenches me from head-to-toe, but still, I linger. Even cold and wet, I feel a kind of peace I haven’t felt in a long time.

Finally when I start to shiver, I press my lips to Val’s grave, telling my sister I love her one last time before I stand, ready to make a mad dash to my car.

“It should be you in that grave,” comes a voice from behind me—one that’s haunted my nightmares for years. My mother.She’s here...the thought nearly paralyzes me with dread. While most children were afraid of the monster in their closet, mine lived in the bedroom down the hall. But I’m done letting my fear of her control me.

Slowly, I turn on the spot and face her. “You really mean that?” My lower lip wobbles but I refuse to shed a single tear for Nancy Parsons.

“With every fiber of my being.” She takes a step toward me and my entire body tenses as memories of her past abuse flood me. “How dare you even come here.”

“She was my sister.”

My mother mocks me, cruelly parroting my words back at me. “Well, she was my daughter. My pride and joy. The best thing in my life.”

Her words pierce my skin like little needles, stinging as they break the surface. “Why are you so awful?” I mutter the words to myself, but she hears them.

“You will watch your mouth, girl.”

“Why? Why do you hate me? I’m. Your. Child. You should love me and want the best for me, yet my entire life you made me feel less than, like I wasn’t good enough. You placed Valorie up on a pedestal and kicked me into the mud. How? Why? What kind of mother treats their own child that way? How can you stand to look at your reflection knowing how awful you were to me? It’s not like I asked to be born!”

Nancy sneers. “I didn’t ask for you either. All I wanted was one. One perfect child. You know, the doctor didn’t even realize you were there until I was twenty-two weeks along.” Her face transforms from mild disgust to full-on hate. “I would have aborted you if I could—that’s how much I didn’t want you.”

Thunder fills the air around us as she spews her hate. “No. No!” I shake my head, desperate to dispel the wretchedness of her words. “Why?”

“I knew your sister was the baby we prayed for the moment she was born. So soft and small—precious. And then you came.” Her lips curl as if even the thought of me as a newborn is enough to sicken her.

What’s really sick though is my sister was born first—by mere minutes—it made her the perfect child and me cursed. A lifetime of abuse because I was born second. My heart hurts with the knowledge of Nancy’s truth.

“You’re demented!” I scream, tears and rain blurring my vision. Which is why I don’t see her coming. Nancy shoves me—hard—sending me down to the wet ground in a heap. I try and stand but lose my footing on the wet grass, landing on my knees. She advances toward me again and I scramble back, knocking over the flowers and knickknacks surrounding her grave as I go.

“No!” my mother howls, her words garbled with fury. I curl in on myself, covering my head with my hands, but it’s no use as she drops down to her knees in front of me and grabs a chunk of my hair. “Look what you did!” She yanks my head back out of my protective embrace, forcing me to look at the mess surrounding us—framed photos lay askew and flowers lay all around us.

Nancy releases my hair with a shove, my head smacking against the marble with a sickening thud. I cradle my throbbing head in my hands as heaving sobs wrack my body. “You’re worthless! It should have been you in that wreck! Not your sister! You stupid! Little! Bitch!”

I peek from between my fingers, watching as she stands and paces, her hands desperately tugging at her matted hair. Too terrified to move, I fold in on myself as she drops back to her knees and begins sifting through the mementos scattered around us, even trying to salvage the trampled flowers. “Oh, Valorie. My sweet, sweet Valorie. It’s okay. Mama’s here.” She sounds absolutely crazed, talking to my sister’s pictures as if they’re a living, breathing thing.

She’s completely unhinged, I realize as she turns to me with an evil glint in her eyes. “You did this!”

chapter thirty-five

Duke

I return to the car after dashing into Oh, Sugar to re-up mine and Nate’s caffeine situation, over this day and over the rain. I want nothing more than to punch the clock and head to Mallory’s. A little bit of food and a whole lot of her is exactly what I need.

“Your phone buzzed,” Nate tells me as I slam the passenger door in an effort to escape the downpour.

I snatch it up from the dash, grinning when I see Mallory’s name.

Mallory: Hey, handsome. I know you’re busy protecting and serving, but I wanted to let you know I decided to go visit Val’s grave. Stay safe…love you!

I read and re-read her text, dread pooling in my gut. Nancy always visits Val’s grave the last Sunday of the month and if she and Mallory cross paths… “Shit!”

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