Page 19 of His to Save

I’m so annoyed I’m not even sure that made sense, but whatever. It doesn’t matter. Maybe none of this matters…

Clearly, I don’t matter.

Forgotten, Nora

Dear Diary,

I… He… He hit me. Rand hit me, and I haven’t stopped crying since.

Mama cried, too, and then sent me to my room. Her not sticking up for me hurts worse than his palm stinging my cheek.

It used to be Rand just ignored me as long as I kept out of his way, but a few weeks ago he started saying mean things to me whenever Mama wasn’t around. He started telling me I was worthless and unwanted, how he couldn’t wait to get rid of me.

I did my best to ignore him, but tonight I overheard him calling Mama ugly names and I snapped. Honestly, I’m not even sure why it made me so mad. It’s not like she stuck up for me.

But he was mad she burned the rolls. Like big mad. He threw the entire dish across the room so hard it rattled the walls. He told her if she was going to be a freeloading bitch, the least she could do is make his dinner right.

I stormed out of my room and told him to shut his nasty mouth because the only reason she doesn’t work is because he won’t let her.

He smacked me right across the face so hard he busted my lip.

I was just trying to protect her—to take up for her—since apparently she’s lost her voice. But Mama sent me straight to bed without an ounce of concern for the blood pouring from my mouth like a freaking waterfall.

I know last week I said I was worried I might start hating her too… but tonight made me realize something. Ican’t hate my mom. Even if I want to—and I really, really want to—I can’t.

I’m not trying to make excuses for her, but while waiting for the bleeding to stop, I realized something: losing Dad broke her.

Not in the same way it did me. Dad dying cracked me. It made me sad in a way I don’t know how to bounce back from, but it shattered Mama, and even though her pieces are glued back together, she’s weak now. Fragile.

So, no, I don’t hate her. But I don’t really like her either.

Why am I not enough for her? Why am I, her living and breathing daughter, not enough? I don’t have an answer, and I’m not sure there’s any reason she could give that would allow me to forgive her for essentially abandoning me.

Resentfully, Nora

CHAPTER 5

ATLAS

My pulse pounds in my ears, keeping time with the frenetic rhythm of my heart, as I fly down my dad’s long driveway.

Disbelief, disgust, and a heaping serving of guilt all sit heavy on my shoulders, pressing down on me, their combined weight impairing my ability to think rationally.

My focus is a pinprick. Finding Nora is the only thing that matters. But where is she? Did he take her with him when he went wherever he’s at?

“His hunting cabin!” I jerk the wheel hard to the right, fishtailing out onto the main road. Tires screech and horns blare, but I can’t stop.

There’s a running loop in my brain saying,find her, save her, fix this,over and over again and I’m helpless but to listen.

Maybe if I’d have listened to that part of myself years ago this would’ve never happened. Maybe if I’d have voiced my concerns and suspicions when my mom died, Nora would be far, far away from the monster my dad is.

Denial has never served anyone well.

My thoughts spiral in a chaotic loop as I fly toward the cabin.What if he’s there? What if he has her there? What if she’s hurt? Or worse?

I’m not sure what to expect, much less how to prepare myself for the confrontation that may be to come, but there’s one thing I know beyond a shadow of a doubt—if she’s there with him and even a single hair on her head is harmed, I won’t hesitate to put him down like the rabid dog he is.

What kind of man hurts a woman—a child?The question burns through me like acid in my veins.

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