Page 32 of Hot Receiver

What would the rest of my years look like if I was the odd man out? They’d always be sniffing out ways to crush me. Shit, they proved it once. Was I really going to give them another chance?

And even though Dad brought up transferring, I backed away from that idea, too.

Maybe another university would have been even more vicious, more intolerant.

It was a risk I didn’t want to take. So, I changed my path and my narrative.

I vowed to never let fear make me run away ever again, which is why I’m in this godforsaken situation with the media.

Nobody will ever bully me out of what I want. Fuck themall for thinking I’m the same guy who gave up his spot at Ohio State.

A faraway smile lifts her lips. “He loved watching you play. He talked to everyone and anyone at your games, rattling off your stats, bragging about your high school record and about how scouts were watching you during your first season as a Buckeye. He was so proud, always smiling, always cheering, always…” She trails off, her voice cracking. Her fork clatters against the plate, and she covers her face with her hands. “Oh, sweetie, I miss him so much.”

I get up from my chair and walk around to the opposite side of the table. My mother nestles against me when I wrap my arms around her. “He was such a good man. It’s not right. It’s not fair that he was taken from us.”

Tears sting my eyelids as I stare up at the ceiling. The lump in my throat is so big I can barely swallow past it. Any bit of food I managed to get down churns in my stomach.

It’s my fault, Mom.

I did this to him, to you, to us.

I’m sorry. So, fucking sorry…

I breathe in her familiar perfume, the kind she always wore even though my Dad would always buy her different ones to try. She always stayed loyal to her favorite, never one to deviate.

“I miss him, too,” I mumble.

I sit down a minute later after giving Mom a big squeeze. “I want to make him proud, and I feel like I did a bad job of that years ago.”

“Don’t ever think that. You did what you had to do. Your injury was too severe. He’d have never wanted you to play on it and risk permanent damage.”

That was the great thing about being nineteen when the sabotage happened. As an adult, the doctors could only talk tome unless I gave them permission otherwise. So, my parents never knew the whole truth.

Another source of guilt that’s festered deep inside me like an infection immune to antibiotics.

I nod because what the hell can I even say?

I’ve been carrying around a bunch of dirty secrets for all this time and never told you any of them because I was too embarrassed that you’d see me differently if you knew them all.

Perfect. Just what every parent would love to hear from their kid.

I take a long gulp of water to wash it all down before the urge to let it all spew grabs hold.

Mom forces a smile, and we make small talk about the schedule for the upcoming season, the new charity organization that Jase and Lucas are launching, and my plans for new recruits. It feels normal-ish.

But it does nothing for the raw, gaping hole in my heart.

After I pay the check, I take Mom’s hand and walk her out to the curb. I hand the valet my ticket, and he disappears with my keys. I back away from the valet stand and join her on the sidewalk. She blinks fast, but I can see her eyes shine with tears in the late afternoon sunlight.

I start to put my arm around her when a loud voice jolts me.

“Hey, asshole, you think a bullshit press conference can erase the fact that you’re an abomination?”

My pulse leaps into my throat, adrenaline immediately flowing into my fists.

I twist around, my jaw tight. This time, there’s no mob. It’s only three guys. Three prick bastards who think they’re going to get away with spouting shit to me and my mother.

Electricity shoots into every limb. I walk toward them, notgiving a fuck that it’s broad daylight or that we’re on a main avenue here in the city.

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