Page 45 of Hot Receiver

“I don’t want to be here.” My voice is flat.

You’d never guess from my tone that my whole body is flooded with adrenaline. I tap my foot against the thick carpet and stare at the doctor, my jaw tight.

It’s true. I’d rather be in a lot of other places.

I didn’t come because of Marc or the team. I’m not afraid of anything that might affect me.

But my head is a mess, and people are being put in danger because of it.

Namely my mother.

“And yet, here you are.” Dr. Forest jots something down on his screen and then lays his electronic pencil down. “Your first preseason game is tomorrow. Is it a coincidence that you scheduled your appointment for today?”

With a roll of my eyes, I don’t even try to stifle the snort that follows. “Did you really need to spend all that money on education to come up with your question, Doc?”

“Sometimes we need to hear the obvious to connect all of the dots for ourselves.” He smiles, his blue eyes crinkling at the corners.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve connected the dots. I just don’t like the picture.”

“Talking to me won’t make you like the picture, but it may reveal deeper meaning that you might not have thought of before.”

“Okay.” I recline back against the couch cushion and fold my arms over my chest. “I was bullied in college for being gay. Run off the football team with no backing from any of my teammates.”

Or the love of my life, but I keep that part to myself.

“I have major trust issues, can’t stand football, blame myself for my father’s death, and now I’m stuck with a team he bought for the love of the game, and I have to make it work because of the guilt that eats me alive every day.”

“And you keep getting media focus because you’re bullying the people you think represent the football players who tormented you in college. The intolerant, ignorant ones who hurt you.” Dr. Forest looks at his iPad and back up at me. “You lash out because it makes you feel strong, the opposite of what you were back in college when you allowed those guys to take away everything you’d worked for. You ran away back then and lost everything, so now you feel like you need to stand your ground as a show of strength. You want to be the man you couldn’t be back in school.”

“Looks like you earned your four-hundred dollars beforethe hour is even up.” I clap my hands slowly, my lips twisting. “I’m pretty self-aware, Doc. I know exactly what I’m doing.”

“Then tell me something.” Dr. Forest smiles, leaning forward. “Why are you so desperate to prove your strength?”

“Because ignorant people shouldn’t be allowed to get away with saying hateful things about my life just because they don’t agree with it. And now that I’m in the public eye, people think they can get their moment of fame by trashing me because of the way I live.”

“Have you ever found that people attacked you in the past, before you took over the team?”

“No, they didn’t care about me when I wasn’t the one responsible for their precious Crusaders.” I grunt. “Meanwhile, the team sucked until the end of last season, but their last owner, the frigging embezzler, didn’t catch a single bit of flack over their record. I walk in and suddenly, I’m casting a rainbow over the whole organization.”

“Each time someone has targeted you, you respond with violence.” His lips lift into a kind smile. “That’s one of the reasons why you’re here right now.”

“I don’t want anyone to see me as being weak.”

“Anyone?”

I narrow my eyes, my leg bouncing faster.

“Was someone with you the first time it happened?”

“Someone was there. Tried to make me walk away.”

“But you didn’t.”

I unfold my arms and rake a hand through my hair. “I wanted to stand up for myself and my rights. I didn’t want to let them get the last word.”

“So, what happened?”

I blow out a frustrated breath, averting my eyes. “I left with him.”

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