Page 68 of Hot Receiver

Zak

Matt slowly twists around to look at me, all color drained from his face. “She knows. She fucking knows.”

I’m too stunned to even speak. I didn’t notice anyone in the hallway before Matt pushed us into the closet, but then again, I wasn’t really focused on anyone but him.

“I can’t believe this is happening. My life, my fucking career… it’s fucking ruined.”

An icy cold hand reaches for my heart and squeezes.

Ruined. Because of me. Those are the words he didn’t say, the ones he’s no doubt thinking.

Matt’s expression switches from anxious to terrified, then settles on rage.

“I fucking shoved you into the closet.” A sharp laugh pierces the tense air. “I mean, what kind of irony is that? Pushingyouinto the closet like that to be with me because I didn’t want anyone to know the truth I’ve been hiding? Talk about poetic fucking justice.”

He mutters to himself, pacing up and down the tight space. “Holy fucking shit. I really fucked up this time. Goddammit, this is all my fault. I should’ve left you alone. Let you walk away.”

His words are like the sharpest knives, each one slicing deeper into my soul. But Jesus Christ, how many times am I supposed to let this guy steamroll me? What about my therapy? My new motherfucking resolution for my future? For my whole life?

“You know what, Matt?” Disdain drips from my lips. “Shame on me for thinking you might have changed. But you really are still the same selfish, self-absorbed asshole you always were. You need me. You want me,” I say in a mock needy voice. “You’re full of shit. You only give a damn about yourself. I’m an idiot for believing for one second that there might have been a chance for us. You’ve used me for the last time. I’m fucking done.”

I jerk my shoulder, so it hits him as I push my way to the door, my heart hammering in my ears like clashing cymbals. With my hand on the door handle, I glance back at him over my shoulder, my body quaking with fury.

“You know what? I really hope Anna outs you. And I hope it tears you apart, so you know how I felt when it happened to me in college. I hope the rest of the world gets to see the self-centered fraud I’ve always known you were.”

I push open the door and stalk toward the front of the venue, my vision solely focused on the revolving glass doors. My heels dig into the carpet, my hands shaking with anger. I ball them into fists, fighting the urge to slam one into a wall.

I haven’t been consumed by this much rage since the time my mom was grabbed by that dickwad outside the restaurant.

My fucking bad.

Why the hell did I let him drag me into that closet? Why did I let myself believe that maybe, just maybe, I’d written himoff too soon? Why did I give him a second chance to shatter my heart?

So many questions.

And there’s only one answer for all of them.

Because I fucking love the guy.

My lips twist like poison has just been smeared across them.

I round a column, only a few feet from the door when a sniffling sound jars me. I twist my head, and huddled in a dark corner of the lobby is Anna. Her head is down, shoulders slumped, and her hair falling in front of her face.

Guilt grips me by the throat.

Of course, Matt doesn’t give a damn about anything more than protecting his perceived sexuality.

But I’m not him.

I pull in a deep breath before walking over to her.

She looks up when I say her name, her eyes red. But she doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t really need to. Her hardened gaze says everything.

“It was a real dick move to go behind your back like that. I’m really sor?—”

“When I saw him push you into that closet,” she says, like she didn’t even hear what I just said. “I tried to convince myself it was anything, but what I had suspected from the night he rescued you from those people beating on your car.”

She sniffles again. “He just kept drifting away. At first, he was just in his own world when we were together. But then he started making excuses about why he couldn’t see me. It was so stupid of me to get involved. It was never supposed to be serious but I…” she shakes her head. “I just got caught up. I fell in love with him. And you…you stood with me, talking, listening to what I told you. I shouldn’t be angry. He never promised me anything. But I feel like a complete idiot for thinking we might have a future.”

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