Page 70 of Hot Receiver

“Anna,” I rasp. “Wait. We need to talk.”

She stops suddenly, her back stiff, shoulders squared. When she turns around, I fully expect her face to be twisted into a mask of hatred and disgust. After what she just saw in that coat room…shit. I can’t imagine how pissed she must be.

I recoil when I see her eyes wet with tears, her eye makeup streaked. Her expression of defeat and disappointment makes my throat clench.

She’s not angry.

She’s sad.

Shit.

I did that.

Zak’s right. She didn’t deserve it.

And I didn’t deserve her.

“I’m so sorry.” I reach for her. She just looks at my hand, shaking her head.

“You should have been honest with me,” she whispers. With a sniffle, she swipes at the tears under her eyes. “I mean, I started to suspect it when Zak came into the picture, but I tried to convince myself I was wrong. That you really did care about me. That there wasn’t anything between you two.” She raises her pained gaze at me, and it cuts sharp and hard like the serrated edge of a knife.

“I did care. I still do. You’re everything a guy could ever want.”

A straight guy.

Those words, though unspoken, hang in the air between us.

“How long have you known?”

I let out a breath. “A long time. College.”

“And Zak?”

I nod. “He was my first. My only, actually.”

“So, when he came back here, you started up with him again,” she muses. “I totally saw it, too. I was so stupid for believing that you’d ever feel about me the way I felt about you.”

“Anna, I love you,” I blurt. This time I put my hands on her shoulders, noting the goosebumps pebbling her skin.

Her lips lift into a sad smile. “But as a friend.”

“The best friend.”

“Yeah. Great.” A tear spills from her eye. “It’s my fault. I violated the ‘friends with benefits’ agreement. I got too involved when we agreed it was no strings.”

“No, stop. This is all on me. It wasn’t fair of me to hide it from you. I just…” I hang my head. “I didn’t know what to do. How to be after Zak showed up. He and I… it’s dumb. Never gonna happen, especially now. But with us, things were always so easy and chill. I love that. I guess I didn’t want to lose you. And I never meant to hurt you. It wasn’t fair to string you along like I did. I lied to you, and I’m sorry. I lied to everyone because I… I’m afraid of what it all means for me personally, for my football career. I hid it for so long and hurt so many people because I wasn’t strong enough to be upfront and honest about who I really am.”

I ramble, the words rushing from my mouth like they’ve been held captive for way too long and needed to be spoken.

It’s kind of a relief to finally have them out there, I won’t lie.

“I’m not going to out you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

I look up. “Really?”

Anna’s lips tremble, her cheeks spotted with bright pink spots.

“It’s not my story to tell,” she says with a little shrug. “You should tell it when it’s right for you. Don’t pressure yourself to be out when you’re not ready.”

---