Page 75 of Hot Receiver

Mom rubs the side of my arm while I lie here. I keep my face turned toward the door, the knot in my throat the only thing plugging all the rage I want so badly to spew.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize this is all my fault. Every bit of anger, every shred of disappointment, every sliver of rejection that plagues me. I fell down this rabbit hole because I left myself wide open to it all.

I knew from the beginning that Matt and I could never be.And tonight, I fell right back into my old patterns because he said the right things.

Saidthe right things.

But he didn’t come after me.

He didn’t apologize for hurting me.

All he cared about was his precious reputation, not anyone who’d been suckered into believing that he cared aboutthem.

A knock at the door jars me. My eyes fly open as the door cracks.

My hearts beats so hard, it nearly bursts out of my chest.

With a heavy head and even heavier heart, I grind my teeth, clenching the bedsheet with every bit of strength I have.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I growl.

Chapter 31

Matt

Icautiously step into the room, nearly choking on the strong scent of antiseptic.

“I needed to see you, to make sure you were…” The word catches in my throat.

“Alive?” Zak snarls. “Like you give a fuck.”

A woman next to Zak turns colors. “I think I’ll just step out for a few minutes?—”

“No, you don’t have to leave, Mom,” he says. “He’s leaving.”

But my legs keep moving closer to the bed. “Please don’t shut me out. Just give me a chance to?—”

“I’ve given you way too many chances already. And that’s on me. I’m not a goddamn doormat. There’s no ‘welcome’ sign tattooed across my forehead anymore.”

Zak’s mother moves toward the door.

“Mom, seriously. You don’t have to leave.”

“It’s okay. I’ll just be outside, sweetie.” She gives me a long curious look as she passes. Then her lips curl up into a tiny smile, which, for some weird reason, gives me a small sliver of hope.

That maybe I can fix this after all.

But once Zak’s mom leaves the room, that hope is snuffed out like candles on a kid’s birthday cake.

“Thank God you’re okay,” I murmur, moving toward the bed. “I tried to get to you, but you’d already been taken away. I’m sorry, Zak. I’m so fucking sorry.”

His dark eyes blaze, flinging sparks that singe my skin as I get closer to him.

“Sorry for what? For using me? For lying to me? For making me believe that you’d changed when you’re the same old Matt who only gives a damn about himself?” His lips twist with disgust.

“All of it.” My throat tightens like there’s a hand wrapped tight around it. “But I need you to understand why.”

“I don’t give a fuck!” he yells. “You’re so goddamn selfish. You’re all about yourself, do you even realize that?”

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