“Yeah, well, there was no way I was gonna let some rando take him, not after what he’s been through. I can help him. It’ll be hard, but we’ll work through it. He needs to know he has someone on his side. Someone who will understand what he went through, who had the same nightmares, who learned to deal with the past.”
“Have you?” Carter asks.
I shrug. “The best way I can. It’s how I live my life. I can help him work through it. Get him therapy. Whatever he needs.”
Carter nods, his shoulders tensing. “Why didn’t you tell me where you were going?” he asks. “I would have gone with you. You didn’t have to do it on your own. You could have been hurt, way worse,” he says, a crack in his voice.
“I just needed to get to Jeremy. I needed to be there for him because I knew nobody else would be. I didn’t need anyone telling me to make a call, that it was too dangerous.” The stench of the apartment, the streaks of blood on the floor, the piercing yells, and the gunshots…
I can still hear them so fucking clearly, I can still feel my body jerk when the bullet tore through my arm.
I swallow hard. “It was that night at my father’s house all over again. The burning ache to run when my legs couldn’t move fast enough, desperation to slow the guy down before he did something to hurt us, the panic when he waved that gun in my face.”
“But you got away,” Carter whispers, taking my hand. “You saved Jeremy. You got him out before he was hurt again. Before you both were. Jesus, Jack. You could have been killed. When I saw the news, I panicked and flew over here, praying you made it through.”
“I’d do it all over again to help him. The fucking asshole used Jeremy’s phone to lure me to him. He really was gonna kill me.”
“How did you get away?” Carter’s eyes cloud over with sadness and remorse.
I tell him about the rolling pin, my saving grace.
“I can’t lose you, Jack,” he whispers. “I need you in my life and I swear I’ll make sure you never doubt that for a single second.”
What feels like a strand of sharp thorns wraps tight around my heart, the stabbing pain way worse than what’s going on with the rest of my body.
“How the fuck am I supposed to trust you again, Carter? I trusted you before. I opened up to you like I’ve never done before. You hurt me worse than anyone else in my life.” I pause, barely able to spit out the words because I hate hearing them, I hate making them real. “And if that video wasn’t leaked, how do I know you’d have ever come out? How am I supposed to ever trust you again? The only thing you’ve proven to me is your words mean shit. I don’t know if I can ever believe in you again.”
“You have to believe me,” he says. “I love you. I think I always have and that’s what scared me. But I’m ready for this,Jack. Let me show you. Please don’t turn me away. Give me another chance. I know how hard it is for you to forgive but?—"
“Just go,” I mutter, interrupting him. “You don’t need any more baggage weighing you down. You’ve got enough of your own to handle now. Figure your shit out, Carter. I hope you find your own happiness.”
I wrench my hand from him and turn my head toward the window, staring into the horizon streaked with orange, blue, and pink. Gritting my teeth, my eyes study his pinched face in the reflection of the glass. I know I can’t turn back now. If I look at him, I’ll lose my nerve.
I’ve already lost my heart, and I can’t take another loss like that.
THIRTY-EIGHT
carter
ONE WEEK LATER
I slowdown at a red light when my phone rings. I stab the Accept button on the screen.
“What’s up, Dad?”
“Hey, son. It’s actually all of us on the line. Gran, too.”
My lips turn up the slightest bit when I hear their voices. “Hey, guys.”
“So, what’s happening with Jack? Have you seen him yet?” Gigi asks.
The smile fades from my face quicker than it appeared. “Nope. But I’m still going to try.”
“Honey, maybe you should just wait until he’s back with the team,” Mom says. “Give him some space. He went through hell a week ago. He’s lucky to be alive. I’m sure he needs time to process everything.”
“I know, Mom. And that’s more reason to keep trying. I don’t want a single day to go by that he wonders how I feel about him, if I’m going to flake again. I don’t want thereto be any doubt in his mind that I’m in this and I won’t stop coming back.”
“That’s the idea, Carter,” Gran says. “When your grandfather was courting me, I made him bring me flowers every day for weeks before I agreed to go on a date with him. By the time I said yes, I knew he was a keeper because he never backed down.”