I press my head into his shoulder, hugging him tight. “I was afraid you wouldn’t understand. I was so scared I’d lose you if you knew the truth.”
Carter pulls back. “Hey, I told you I wouldn’t leave you. Remember?”
I nod, squeezing my eyes shut because it’s the only way I can block out all of the ugliness that hovers over me. “Please don’t.”
“What about Dalton? Is he still trying to hold that over your head?”
“He’s got a lot to lose. Wife, kids. He threatened me the night of the event, told me what he’d do if I ever said anything about what happened. He could crush my career, Carter. I don’t know why he’s all of a sudden so nervous about me coming forward, which I’d never fucking do. But if it ever got out that I used PEDs, I’d be finished. I’d lose all credibility. He helped me get drafted by the AHL, pulled some strings. He’s got me by the fucking balls. And for some reason, he’s trying to scare me, which makes me very fucking nervous. I can’t lose hockey, Carter. It’s all I have. And now with all the shit going on with that video…”
He tightens his grip on me. “You won’t lose hockey. You’re too damn good.”
“I bet the Oakland management wouldn’t think twice about dropping me if those stories come out. I’m already a liability to them. This would really screw things up. I’d lose endorsement deals, fans. I’d be a fucking joke.”
“You’re going to need to talk to Rex when we get back. If something is going to get out, he needs to know about it so he can be prepared.”
I shake my head. “Fuck, no. I can’t risk telling anyone. It’ll destroy me. Nobody else can know.”
“I really think you need to get ahead of it,” Carter says. “Don’t leave anything to chance. Rex is smart. He’ll figure out how to fix things.”
“No. Fuck, no.”
He rubs the back of my head. “Lie down and rest. We’ll talk it out in the morning.”
I lie back on the mattress and roll onto my side. Carter holds me close, spooning me. He drops soft kisses on my back and shoulder, and for those few hazy moments before I float into a deep sleep, I finally feel like everything might actually be okay…as long as he’s by my side.
THIRTY
jack
“Mmm,”I mumble, my eyes still closed as the scent of bacon wafts under my nose. “Oh my God, that smells amazing.”
When Carter doesn’t answer, I reach for him but my hand only finds the mattress. Not Carter.
I sit up and stretch my arms overhead, taking in another deep breath. “That’s gonna taste so good.” My stomach rumbles and I pat it. “Relax, just a few more minutes.”
My eyes fall to his empty side of the bed. He probably got up super early to avoid anyone catching him leaving the guest room. Still, a tiny part of me hoped he’d have a talk with his family once we showed up together, that he’d feel comfortable talking to them about us being together now that they’ve met me.
But I have to give him time, and I don’t want to pressure him. He let me tell him my dirty secrets in my own time. It’s only fair that I let him handle this on his own timeline.
I swing my legs around the side of the bed, a smile plastered on my face. Being honest with him about my past scared the shit out of me, and now that it’s out in the open, I feel solight. Free. Like I can face anything that comes at me, because he’ll be right there beside me.
I fucking love him.
And before last night, I was panicked that I might lose him if he found out the truth.
Now I know he accepts me no matter what and it feels incredible. It doesn’t scare me at all anymore.
I pull on a t-shirt and jeans, then head into the bathroom where I brush my teeth and splash some water on my face. My body tingles from the ends of my hair to the tips of my toes, aftershocks like I’ve never experienced before rippling through me as a constant reminder of everything we shared and all I have to look forward to with him.
I open the door and step into the hallway. Excited female voices float upstairs from the kitchen, laughter filling the air. I can’t fight the grin spreading across my face. God, this is so perfect. All of it. Being here with Carter and his family…even if they don’t know about us yet, I can’t imagine that they’d ever turn their backs on him when he finally tells them the truth.
I walk toward the stairs, my eyes peeking over at Carter’s half-open bedroom door. Part of me wants to tiptoe in there to surprise him, but I don’t want to stress him out, and it might be weird if someone walked past and saw us.
I’ll just see him downstairs. I turn toward the stairs when Mike’s voice shatters me.
My feet stop short, my heart jumping into my throat.
“Look, C, I know you guys are friends, but I’m nervous about what it all means for you and your career. Do you think it’s smart for you to be so close with him right now? I mean, the videos make him look like an animal.”