Page 95 of Puck Lust

“Carter,” he interrupts. “Stop. If you think this would ever change our relationship, you’re mistaken. I love you and I always will, no matter what. When I told you that it’ll be hard to be a gay player in the NHL with so much hatred around, I meant it. You’ll constantly have that battle to fight, and I hate the thought of you dealing with that kind of animosity because you’re my son and I want what’s best for you.” He stops for a minute to take a breath. “But if Jack is who you want, if he’ll make you happy, then that’s what I want for you. What we all want.”

“Gigi knew. I could tell when I saw her face earlier.”

Dad nods. “She wasn’t shocked by the video, come to think of it. Did Jack have anything to say about it?”

“He heard us talking this morning,” I say. “He left because of it. I tried to apologize when I got back to the city. He wouldn’t listen. Doesn’t want anything to do with me. I really messed up, but I won’t stop trying to change his mind. He’s everything to me. I need him to know it.”

“I’m sorry for coming down on you like that. I should have kept my mouth shut.”

“You were concerned, and I appreciate it. But being with Jack is more important to me than what the fans think of us together. It’s more important than anything.”

“Then go after him, son. Make him understand. Show him how great you can be together. He’d be a fool to walk away.”

I force a smile through the pain assaulting my heart.

Except he already did.

And I’m the fool for letting it happen.

THIRTY-FOUR

jack

The press conferencewas set up to be held at the arena, a little off the beaten path for regular bystanders. The allegations against Coach Dalton that Marcus alluded to exploded overnight with hockey players around the country named in the case. Rex called me on my landline after our meeting yesterday, begging me to rejoin the digital world and see that I’m not alone in this whole thing.

I also think he wanted me to see that Dalton has bigger issues than me speaking up, and that he’d probably be advised by his legal team to keep his mouth shut about anything relating to the players named in the suit.

And that I should keep a lid on my PED use.

I told him forget it. I’m not living with the secret any longer. It’s been a noose around my neck for years and I want it to be out there, damn the consequences. I made the mistake and I’ve been trying to move forward from my hellish past the best way I can. This is the next and final step for me.

After pulling into a parking space in the VIP section of the parking garage, I turn off my Audi and step out of the driver’s seat, my heart pounding hard under the layers of my suit. I canget through this. I can get through anything, and I’ve already proven that.

Players have their own private entrance in and out of the arena, so I take that elevator to the fifth floor, where all of the conference rooms are located. The second the elevator doors open, I’m blinded by camera flashes. Security guards positioned outside the elevator keep the paparazzi away from me as I step out of the car. Questions hit me the second I appear but I don’t answer. Hell, I don’t even make eye contact. Two police officers escort me through the throng of people. I keep my eyes focused ahead, ignoring questions about Dalton, Carter, and Jeremy’s dad.

Tate, Masterson, and the rest of the team gather by the entrance of the conference room door. Masterson steps forward and claps me on the back, dipping his head toward my ear. “We’re all here for you, bro. We’ve got your back, always.” He steps back and winks at me. “Ice King.”

I smirk. “Thanks.” Then I nod at the rest of the guys. “Thanks for coming. It means a lot to me.”

They all murmur and smile, and for the first time…maybe ever…I actually feel part of something. I’ve been on teams for my whole life, but only now do I feel part of something bigger, more special, more like a family.

That’s mainly on me. I don’t let people in or else they fuck me over like Carter did.

But right now, in this moment, I feel closer to these guys, some whom I’ve barely spoken to since coming to Oakland, than I have with any other guys I’ve shared the ice with. I haven’t given them a reason to back me, but yet, here they are. All of them.

For me.

And in the murkiness of what’s about to happen over the next few minutes, it gives me a spark of hope for the future. Aclean slate where I can start to rewrite who I am and where I’m heading.

People do care. There’s nothing in this for these guys except the desire to show support for a teammate in need. I can’t say that I’d have done the same for any of them, always too wrapped up in keeping myself closed off and protected to care much about anyone else.

They may or may not know exactly what I’m gonna say in that conference, but they’re here regardless of the impact it may have on them.

I look from one guy to the next, my smile widening. “I appreciate you guys. So fucking much. Thanks for being here.”

“You’ve got this,” Tate says as I pass him to walk into the conference room.

Sam and Brixton are standing right inside the room. Sam gives me a quick hug. “You know I’m always here for you. Anything you need. You won’t be alone in this and we fully support you.”

---