Page 151 of Power Shift

I’m pacingin the living room when Ronan’s bike roars through the neighbourhood.

Jasper sighs, having been watching me for the last half an hour from his spot on the couch. I continue to ignore him like I did while I was reading on my phone earlier.

“Pacing isn’t going to make them get inside any faster. This is Ronan, Lan. He wouldn’t have let anything happen to her.”

I wave him off.

The garage door opens, its low hum making my blood pound in my veins. Jasper’s wrong about why I’m pacing and struggling to keep myself busy for the last hour.

I trust Ronan with my life and Briar’s.

I’m antsy because I miss her. My omega has me so out of my head that when she’s gone for even a few minutes in the day, I’m a pacing, anxious mess. I want nothing more than to avoid everything I’ve ever loved doing just so we can stay together all the time.

It’s dangerous.

“Don’t overwhelm her when she gets inside, Lan. Let her take a breath,” Jasper adds.

I whip around and stare at him in disbelief. “How do you handle it?”

“Handle what?”

“I’m all fucked up. There’s this emptiness inside of me when Briar’s gone, and I don’t know how to fill it. It’s almost worse now than it was before. That’s why I’m being like this. Not because I think Ronan’s going to let her get hurt. I just need to keep busy so I don’t get stuck in the gym working myself to death because I’m struggling being without her.”

I’ve been there too many times. It’s not a healthy outlet for me when I bring myself to the brink of passing out every time. I can’t do that shit anymore. As if Briar would allow me to.

Jasper leans forward, his elbows digging into his thighs. “I get it, Landon. It’s like that for all of us, but with you being pack leader, I’m assuming the intensity with which you feel that yearning is stronger. At least until we’re all bonded with her. How has the rejection sickness been? Have you been sleeping? You look more rested than you did before. Regardless, I think we should get a doctor’s opinion to make sure you’re okay.”

I stop moving and blow out a fast exhale. “I’ve been fine. Better. I sleep the longest after I’ve seen her.”

“And the doctor? Can we make an appointment?”

“I don’t need a doctor to tell me that I fucked my body up when I turned away my omega, Jasper. That’s the last thing I need or want.”

“They wouldn’t say it like that. It would just be helpful to get confirmation that nothing’s wrong on a biological level,” he reasons.

I shake my head. “I’ve already spoken to the team doc. He says I’m fine. Every one of my symptoms were textbook, and they’re gone now.”

It’s not a total lie. He did say that I’d be fine, but no, they’re not all gone yet. My energy is back up, and my knee is finally starting to heal properly. It’s my restless nights and stubborn knot that’s more of a concern. Both of which I didn’t bring up to him.

My perpetually swollen knot has made everyday tasks harder than they need to be. I know I’m risking a rut every day I don’t give in to the instincts screaming at me, but I’d rather suffer than push Briar into a situation we’re not ready for yet.

“Other than the irritability,” Jasper mutters.

“You’re making me irritable. It’s not the rejection sickness,” I snap.

“I’m not your enemy here, Landon. I’m your packmate, and I just want to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.”

“I’ll be fine once she’s here with us.”

Jasper rolls his lips and nods, sinking back into the couch. “Alright.”

“I’m inviting her to our game tomorrow,” I say, changing the subject.

“We better play well, then.”

“That won’t be a problem.”

Not with the reminder that she’s there watching. And this time, I won’t be focusing on pretending she’s not there. I want her there, watching me play alongside my packmates while wearing our colours and last name.

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