Page 31 of The Secrets We Built Together

The drive back to my place was a blur. It wasn't until I was halfway home, cruising down the winding country road with the windows down and the cool air rushing past, that it hit me what I'd just done. Proposed a fake engagement. To Blake, of all people. The woman who had made it her mission to push every one of my buttons since the day I'd returned to Willowbrook.

It was insane. Reckless. Exactly the kind of impulsive decision-making I'd been working so hard to avoid in my recovery.

You're an idiot, Farrington. A complete and utter idiot.

But even as I mentally berated myself, I realized something else… I was smiling. Actually smiling. And for the first time in a long, long time, I felt like I was moving in the right direction.

Maybe not the direction I'd planned, but the right one nonetheless.

Chapter 12

Blake

Icouldn't stop pacing. Every few seconds I checked my phone, then shoved it back into my pocket in frustration before peering out the window again. Not even having little Amelia cradled in one arm could calm my racing heart.

The call from Ethan had come earlier than I expected this morning. I'd thought he'd give me more time. The way he offered to come and support me didn't feel right. It wasn't the same as how Xander's offer had come across. I could hear it in Ethan's voice. He knew what was coming and he'd just accepted it, even if he did seem to sympathize with me. Maybe that was the normal reaction. But Xander had at least tried to find a solution, even if his suggestion was insane.

I'd been up all night thinking about it, and I was exhausted both mentally and physically. I still hadn't come to a decision. I was desperate enough to say yes, but it felt wrong. Not just legally, but despite what Xander had said, I'd be taking advantage of him. And he'd had enough of that to last a lifetime.

But I was out of time to spiral about this decision, because there was a sedan creeping closer to the house and it could mean only one thing. DCFS was here.

I immediately regretted not taking Delaney up on her offer to be here. It felt like setting the wrong image at the time, showing them that I wasn't able to do it on my own. It was why the thought of Xander's offer was so hard to accept. My independence meant everything to me. Showing the world that I could do this. Showing everyone who had ever doubted me. But now I needed Delaney here with me, even if it was only to hold my hair back as I threw up. Even if it was to sit in the corner silently and give me that look that let me know I could do this.

Relying on people had never been easy for me, except when it came to her. We had a bond that came from two people who had been thrown away by the people who were supposed to love you the most. What had happened to Delaney was caused by one evil person and she'd been able to claim her life back, but I didn't have that, and there was no way I'd let Amelia feel even an ounce of what I'd felt. As she grew up, she'd know there was always someone on her side, because I wasn't about to let her ever think differently. Now I just needed to make sure that dream became a reality and to do that, I had to fight for her with everything I had, and maybe with some things I didn't.

I watched a woman get out of the sedan through the window, shifting Amelia in my arms. Crisp suit, sensible shoes, hair tied back in a ponytail. She looked tired in a resigned, stern kind of way. She couldn't possibly be anyone else.

"Do you think she looks nice?" I asked Amelia who just belched and then grumbled in return. "Yeah, I don't think this looks good either." I winced as the woman leaned back into the car and pulled out a briefcase, knowing it held the papers that would determine our future.

Was it just this one person? One person who could say I wasn't good enough, and take Amelia from me. Send her to live with some strangers. People who would love her, hopefully, but never really understand what it felt like to go through what she had.

Just the thought of losing her made me want to drop to my knees and scream. It didn't make sense. I didn't even know that she'd existed a few days ago, and now I was freaking out at the thought of losing her. I felt like something was sitting on my chest, slowly crushing me, and there was nothing in this world that I wanted to do less than opening the door right now.

"Maybe don't tell her I've got an imaginary dog," I whispered to Amelia. "We don't need her thinking I'm crazy on top of broke and a complete mess."

I looked at Amelia and a sense of calm determination set in. I had this. I had to have this.

"I'm not going to let them take you," I whispered quietly. "Whatever it takes, I'm going to give you the home you deserve, little girl."

So I opened the door with a smile and hoped like hell that I looked like someone who had their life together.

"Hi, I'm Susan Blackwood with DCFS," the woman said, extending her hand.

"Blake Mitchell. Please come in." I stepped aside, trying to ignore how my heart was thundering in my chest.

I could practically feel the tension in the air as she stepped inside, but she seemed nice enough. She had kind eyes, at least.

"I want to reassure you that I'm here to be on Amelia's side," Susan said as she sat on the couch. "I only want what's best for her."

"I think that's what we all want. Coffee?" I offered, desperate for something normal to do.

She declined with a small shake of her head. "Let's get straight to it, if you don't mind."

There was so much to do as we got into it. I tried to stay calm, tried to keep the quiver out of my voice. I had all the papers that Madison had left behind. Amelia's birth certificate, her medical records, even the letter she'd written trying to explain why she would do this terrible thing. Susan looked over them, a sad look in her eyes as she read my sister's words. Then she explained the process to me. Every agonizing step. All the hurdles. All the things we both already knew I wouldn't be able to demonstrate.

Just as I was ready to give up hope, there was a small glimmer of light.

"There is a certain amount of discretion allowed to me in these matters," Susan said as she gently laid the letter on the table and turned to me. "I can see how much you care for her, and as you have the written consent of her mother, I'm happy to let her remain in your care for now."

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