Page 63 of The Fire We Crave

Smoke’s brow furrows as he looks at me. “Sugar, I just heard you talk about a romance where the dude was a serial killer, and he took the woman to the woods to chase her like prey and fell in love with her.”

My mouth opens wide. “As soon as Ember noticed the window was open, I wascertainyou guys had heard what we were talking about.”

“Sorry, not sorry. Break it down for me.”

“I think there’s an acknowledgement that women have all kinds of wants and desires, and as long as they’re expressed in a way that the women have consented to, even if in her case it is a mental, rather than verbal consent, anything goes. It doesn’t mean I have to like it, but I do have to respect other people’s rights to choose it. Like, even reading books that have non-consent in them, the reader is the one who is consenting. If they want to revoke consent, they simply close the book and move on to another one. Which, again, is all inherently political and why book banning is utterly frustrating. Don’t like it, don’t read it, but don’t ban it.”

“So, what are you open to, Quinn?”

The mood in the truck changes so viscerally that I feel it in the goose bumps that form on my skin. The way every single hair on my arms stands to attention.

I roll through possible answers in my head. Where to start answering the impossible question?

I think about sexual things I’ve wanted to try, and the disappointments I’ve had, and what I want to explore.

I also think about the way he watched me while I touched myself. How hungry he looked, and yet, how he constrained himself. It was like he knew exactly what I needed, even though he didn’t let me get there. I wanted him, but didn’t. I wanted him to see, but was too scared he might touch me. And yet, his eyes and words alone could have brought me the orgasm I craved.

“I’m open to exploring the facets of myself I know exist but have never been tested.” I turn to face him. “I want a teacher, Smoke. Someone who already knows how to do the things I dream about.”

The muscles in the side of his jaw tighten and relax. I don’t know whether it’s a good sign, but he swallows deeply.

Maybe I said too much. But maybe for the longest time, I haven’t said enough. I spent the evening with Raven and Ember, who are both wildly in love. I’m happy for them, but envious, because they’ve found the other person who fulfills them. It isn’t embarrassing when Ember tells us she bought a nurse’s outfit to surprise Atom; it’s joyful self-expression. She’s happy. And she has a wonderful sexual connection to Atom that is mutually fulfilling.

I want that for me.

When we get home, Smoke parks the truck, and Bones scrambles for the front door like there’s an urgent call for him inside.

I don’t know what makes me remain in the truck, but Smoke comes around and opens my door. His hands are secure whenhe puts them around my waist and helps me down, but I see the small wince he almost manages to hide.

Still, I let him have his pride.

Once inside, I head toward the kitchen. I need some water to ease my parched throat.

“Quinn,” Smoke says gruffly. “Come talk to me in the family room when you’re done in here.”

I nod and pour myself a glass. But the ice-cold water does little to fix the dryness in my mouth.

My mind goes into overdrive, wondering what he wants to talk with me about.

Book club.

Moving out.

What I want.

What he wants.

I busy myself by grabbing a few frozen sweet treats I made, because, if in doubt, chocolate.

When I step into the family room, I find Smoke sitting on the sofa, his bare feet up on the low coffee table. The sleeves of his black shirt are rolled up, revealing the strong, inked forearms that make me feel safe.

In his hand is a whiskey glass, half empty, and he swirls it gently, even though there’s no ice.

I’m not sure the treat I’m bringing him will go with the whiskey, but I wanted to do something…nice.

“Hey,” I say, sitting on the sofa near him, but putting the plate between us.

But Smoke shakes his head and points to the cushion on the floor by his feet. “I want to try something. Kneel for me, Quinn.”

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