Page 60 of Whizz

“Yeah, he took it allaway.”

“Do you want to talk aboutit?”She wouldn’t judge him.Lacey knew more than most what it waslike to think all the time about what happened.

Whizz was silent.She stared at him as hetook a bite of pancake then swilled it down with somecoffee.

“When it was over I thought I’dbe able to handle everything that was thrown at me.It was hard.Ihad all these pains and aches from the torture that I needed torecover from.”He stopped talking to take another bite to eat.Shekept eating, watching, and listening to him at the same time.“Theboys visited me and for a short time I could forget about thereason I was stuck in hospital, but then I’d catch one of themstaring at me.There wouldn’t be a look of disgust or pain on theirfaces.No, I saw the pity, and it would bring it all back.”Hestared off in the distance somewhere past her shoulder.She knewwhat it was like to remember, to be jolted back to another time.Reaching over the table, she gripped his hand, offering him thecomfort he needed.“Those times were the worst.They’d leave, andeverywhere I turned I could see him.I knew he was dead, but it waslike his ghost was everywhere I turned.I would listen to music todrown out his voice.I could hear him, see him, and know that he’dchanged me.The bastard was dead, but he was right there in myhead, taunting me.”

Whizz’s jaw tensed, and she saw himgritting his teeth.

Opening her hand, she locked herfingers with his, holding him as he finally released the truth forher to hear.

“He talked throughoutit?”

“Everything he did to me hetalked.I remember thinking it would be a hell of a lot better ifhe shut up.The silence would make it easier.”He stared into hereyes, and she saw the fear that he’d suffered.“For a long time Ithought I was going crazy because of the voices I was hearing.I’dscream and start throwing shit around, trying to fight what wasn’tthere.The nurses would have to come and sedate me throughout thenight for me to sleep.I’d thrash around, tearing my stitches open,but the night terrors were the worst.I was back there, and it wasall real again.”

“The sedation rarely helps,” shesaid.“You’re asleep, but the dreams are just groggy.You need torun but because of the drugs you can’t run fast enough.”

He nodded.“You weresedated?”

“I had to be.”

Whizz tightened his grip on her hand.“Yeah, I read your file.I know what happened.”

She smiled at his words.“The computerwhizz at work.”

“It’s why I was named that.”Hegave her a smile.“When I got back to the clubhouse, it wasn’t thesame.Nothing was ever the same.Butch had left the club for Cheryland his fear of hurting her.When I went to my room, it was all thesame, yet I was different.The women, the club whores expected meto be the same.To fuck at the drop of a hat.I couldn’t.Icouldn’t get hard, and I didn’t want anyone touching me.That wasthe hardest.Being in crowded rooms made me sick to my stomach.Istayed out of the way.It was easier to stay in my room than toleave it.My room offered me salvation while the open world tookeverything away.”

She remembered the crowded rooms and thetouching.Lacey hated being touched.The only person she’d everaccepted touch from had been Dalton.Whizz was the one man shewanted his touch, craved his touch more than anythingelse.

“I didn’t drink.I couldn’t bringmyself to drink as I hated the loss of control.I needed control.It was the one saving grace in my life.Drugs were out of thequestion.In the hospital I lived on the drugseven when I didn’t want them.The last thing I wanted to do was take them again.The world wasgroggy, but I was still alive.”

“So you workedout?”

“Yeah, working out helped me tofocus my mind.I was no longer thinking about Alan but the club.Iworked out.I got tired, and I was able to sleep.I got stronger.The stronger I got, the more chance I had of helping in thefuture.”

“You were strong in the firstplace, Whizz.”She knew he couldn’t have not been strong to get intoThe Skulls.

“I wasn’t strong enough tostop being taken.”

“You couldn’t have changedthat.No one could.”

“Still, I made a change, and nofucker is going to get the better of me.”

Lacey nodded.She didn’t want to lethim believe otherwise.It didn’t matter how strong he was.When itcame to the drugs, he couldn’t fight their effects.

“What about thenightmares?”

“They never disappeared.Somenights I was able to work myself into falling asleep and sleepingso deeply that I didn’t dream.Other nights I wasn’t ableto.”

“What happened?”sheasked.

“I ended up sleeping with some ofthe couples within the club.”He started laughing.“God, I was afucking mess.They’d allow me into their bed just to help mesleep.”

“Why are you smiling?”Shefound herself smiling along with him.

“Since you’ve been in mylife the nightmares are few and far between.The past couple ofnights, I’ve not dreamt about anything but you.”

She stared at their joinedhands.

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