Page 43 of Hardy

Opening up a page, he saw the lastentry was over a year ago.

Curious about what was in the box, heplaced the diary aside, and looked through them, noting that eachbook was marked with the date she’d started writing, and the lastdate it was finished.

When he found one where she would havefirst met him, he started flicking through until he found the daythat she would have met him.Going to the next entry, he startedreading.

Last night I met a man.Well, Idon’t know if he was a man or agod.It’s stupid.He was a man.Of coursehe was a man.Hardy was his name, and he noticed me.Out of all ofthe women there, he noticed me, and I can’t believe it.

Sigh.

He was large, I mean big,and his muscles were like the size of melons underneath his leatherjacket.I wanted to lick them.No guy has made me feel like that.Who wants to lick muscles?I must be some kind of freak.

What do I do?

Hardy’s a proper man.Thekind of man who’ll expect experience, and a woman who knows thescore.He’s not looking for a woman like me.I’m not the kind ofwoman to screw around.I saw what my friend was talking about lastnight.The guys that are in The Skulls, they don’t really careabout the women at the club.They fuck around, and have fun whiledoing it.

The entry came to a stop, and hewondered what had happened to Rose.

He flicked over the page and sawseveral entries about college, and life in general.When it came tohim again, he paused.

Hardy came to see me today.Icouldn’t believe it.I’ve not seen him since theparty, andyet there he was, waiting.He had that cheeky smile on his face,and I loved it.I loved the way he reached for me, and touched me,like he owned me.I guess he does own me.No other guy will evermeasure up to him.

He took me out on a date.Riding on the back of his bike was a huge deal for me.I couldn’tbelieve it when he tossed me a helmet and told me to climb on.Igot the chance to hold him in my arms, feeling him.

Not once did he pressureme for more.We went for a ride, had some ice-cream, and then hetook me back.

Does he know I’m avirgin?

Would I be able to denyhim?

She started talking about somethingelse then, and Hardy ran a hand over his face.From the night ofthe party he couldn’t stop thinking about her.What he hated mostwas the fact he’d not even realized how much until that moment.He’d fucked other women then, and when he’d seen her friend, he’dbeen more curious than he should have been.

Taking a deep breath, he opened thebook up.He skipped several pages of when he’d taken her out a fewmore times, and the way she was growing attached to him.

Hardy had felt the exact same way,compelled like a magnet to find her.He wanted her.

Last night, I slept withHardy.No, I didn’t sleep with him.Not much sleep happened.Lastnight Hardy and I had sex, fucked, made love.Crap, I don’t knowwhat the hell happened.One moment we were just talking and then hewas taking my virginity.

At first, it was horrible.Theworst experience in the world, but then, he made it good.I hope Imade it good for him.

Guilt had him shutting up thebook.Rose’s virginity had been a treasure he’d not expected.Shewas always so beautiful.Even now he thought she was the most beautifulwoman in the world.

When he got to the diaries thatwerewrittenafter their marriage, Hardy started to get heartbroken.

Today was Tate, Lash, andNash’s prom night.They all looked so happy, even Murphy who’d been assigned tolook after Tate.I was happy, and then sad.I never went to myprom.I was too busy studying to have fun.In that moment, I wantedto go to prom, and then I felt like a bitch.

When I asked Hardy aboutprom he told me it was for pussies.He’d never be doing any kind ofdancing or shit.We didn’t even dance at our wedding.I guessmarrying a biker is great in the imagination, not so much in thereality….

I love Hardy.I do.He’smy world, but there are times I wonder what it would be like tohave someone different, maybe a banker, or a teacher.Someone whowasn’t so concerned about being a man all the time.Hardy is a manthrough and through, and I love him.He’s just not approachable attimes.

He remembered the conversation, and he’dbeen more interested in the card game he planned with the brothersthat night.The whole prom crap had been a nightmare.He’d not beeninterested in anyone or anything other than the damn cards.Overthe years he’d done what he wanted, and not really cared aboutanything else.Hardy hadn’t once asked what Rose wanted.He figuredshe loved him, and wanted the biker lifestyle.

When he came to anotherentry, Hardy feltsick to his stomach.It was the entry after she caught himcheating.

I guess I’m cursed.I wonderedwhat it would be like to have a different kind of man who wasn’t abiker, and Hardy wanted a different woman.I’m not good enough.He wantedsomeone else, a club whore.I saw it with my own twoeyes.

He’d been absent for along time, refusing to come home at night.I thought it was spacehe needed because I couldn’t have kids.No, he’s found myreplacement.He wants another woman.

If she came back pregnanthe’d probably have traded me in.I’m old news now.

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