Page 102 of Duplicity

‘Okay. But what I mean is… it wasn’t just the things you wanted to do at that lunch that bothered me. You blindsided me on purpose. You were arrogant and callous and so dismissive, and you wanted to make me feel vulnerable and humiliated. It was very deliberate.’

‘I agree,’ he says, sounding like a broken man. ‘It was deliberate. And I told myself it was about showing off my trophy EA to my mates, but it wasn’t even about that.’ His eyes flicker downwards, away from me, and he mumbles, ‘It was about showing you who’s boss.’

There it is.

The truth.

He didn’t like his reactions to me, his feelings about me, so he decided to pull rank in the nastiest way possible.

I’m not convinced this is remotely the right time to have this conversation, nor do I have the energy for it. But I may as well build on the momentum we’ve made here and advocate for myself. If this long, lonely week has reminded me of anything, it’s that I owe it to Tabs and myself to advocate for the both of us with every scrap of agency I have.

‘I’d like some assurances that you won’t pull a stunt like that again when we go back to London,’ I say stiffly, and his eyes fly to mine in shock.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, if it’s okay with you, that we should sit down together and redraw the rules. I’m really not comfortable in group sexual situations, so I’d rather not do any of those anymore, and if you’re in a bad mood then I’d rather you didn’ttake it out me.’ My voice quivers, but I forge on. ‘I think on days like that, we should set firm?—’

His protest is explosive. ‘Jesus Christ, Marlowe!’

‘What?’ I ask, taken aback by the abject horror on his face.

He gazes at me through his tears, his expression pleading. ‘You honestly think I’d let you take a penny for sex from now on in? No way. I’m never laying a hand on you in that office again. We’re done with the Seraph thing.’

CHAPTER 48

Brendan

Her face crumples, and my first thought isoh Jesus, I’ve made her cry again.But this is important.

‘No, please,’ she begs, pushing up onto her elbow and staring down at me, her brown, tear-filled eyes beseeching. ‘Seriously, Brendan, I know we’ve both fucked up, and I knew I was playing with fire by lying so much, but I need this job. I’ve still got—we’re not done with the expenses, you see. I need to save more, I need to know we have an emergency fund in case Tabs has any complications. I can’t go back to relying on the NHS again. I’ve never felt so powerless in my life. Forget I said anything. If you’ll—I just need a couple more months.’ She hesitates. ‘I’ll do whatever you want.’

She’s breathing heavily, and I feel sick to my stomach once more, because Jesus fuck. She thinks I’m firing her, andshe thinks she can tempt me to change my mind by offering to overlook her own sexual boundaries?

I have never heard such fucked-up horseshit in all my life.

I pull her right back down onto her pillows and haul myself up so I have the advantage. ‘Fucking hell, Marlowe. Don’t you ever,everoffer to prostitute yourself like that, understand? I’m not firing you, love. The contract stays. I still want you as myPA, and God knows, I’m not about to cut your pay either. I’m telling you I won’t touch you. I’m not in the habit of exploiting struggling single mothers who do desperate things to save their kids’ lives. Not consciously, anyway,’ I add, because I’ve been unwittingly doing just that.

She glares at me. ‘I can’t take that obscene salary every month and not hold up my end of the bargain,’ she spits, and I hate this. I really fucking do. I hate that there’s any transaction between us, and I hate that she feels some obligation to “uphold” it, and I hate most that I’ve ruined the tentative trust that was blossoming between the two of us.

‘Well you have to, because I have no intention of going anywhere near you sexually in the office, and if you try something then that’ll be harassment,’ I argue.

We eye each other mulishly.

‘I could quit.’

‘You need the money, and there’s no fucking way I’d let you go back on Seraph’s books. Over my dead body. Look, you have two options. You can take a pay cut and I’ll fund all of Tabby’s medical bills going forward, no questions asked. Or we can continue everything about our working relationship, minus the sex part, which gives you the chance to save whatever you need.’

She hesitates, and I know she’s close to caving. The perverse benefits of negotiating with a broken, exhausted woman, I suppose.

‘You have one priority, and that’s Tabby,’ I continue. ‘Now is not the time to be settling into any new job while she recovers. You and I work well together. You know my systems and my business and my idiosyncrasies. I don’t want a new assistant.’

‘Why are you doing all this?’ she whispers.

I’m still up on one elbow, gazing down at her. She looks so small and alone and uncertain that it slays me. I wish I could run my fingers through her still-damp hair and tell her what I’vegrown to accept over the past twenty-four hours—that she is my whole world, and it terrifies me. That I will move heaven and earth to make her happy and to keep her daughter safe. That she holds all the power, every last drop of it, and I never stood a chance with her, only I was too scaredy-cat to admit it to myself.

I wish I could tell her that keeping her on as my regular EA-with-no-benefits isn’t an altruistic or financially reckless move on my end but a desperate ploy to keep her close, to buy myself time while I embark on several monumental tasks.

To regain her trust.

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