Page 127 of Duplicity

I shrug. ‘Tabby got off to school fine this morning, so I thought I’d come in and make myself useful.’

‘You don’t have to, you know.’ He pushes his chair back from his desk. ‘You should have just taken the day for yourself. God knows you could have done with a break.’

He’s ridiculous. He pays me to do a job and I’m only doing around a quarter of it at the moment, between the enforced celibacy and a sick little girl.

‘I had other ideas about how I wanted to spend it.’ I turn and lock the door before sashaying over to him. His hungry eyes track my every step.

I stop in front of him, looking down at this beautiful man of mine, this man who is every bit as flawed as the rest of us but who has shown up for me and Tabs, over and over, in every possible way, with frankly very little from me by way of reassurance.

He may have taken things from me this summer, but God knows I’ve taken from him in a way that I haven’t allowed myself to do with anyone else aside from my parents. I haven’t even allowed myself to lean on Athena as much as I’d like to over the past few years.

But Brendan has been there for me the whole time: this big, gorgeous, steadfast rock. He’s held me and comforted me and fed me; he’s sent me packing when I’ve needed a break; he’s showered my little girl with attention and compassion. Above all, he’s been the respite we’ve both needed, the person through this entire shit show who’s been able to retain their sense of humour and hold onto their perspective.

I honestly don’t know if I would have survived without him.

I can’t bear to think about how it would have been without him.

And through it all, he’s asked for nothing.Nothing. Everything he’s given us, he’s given it freely. No agenda. And definitely no recompense.

So now it’s time to thank him. To tell him how I feel. Toshowhim how I feel.

He stares up at me with those big blue eyes. ‘You look so beautiful,’ he stammers. ‘I mean, you always look beautiful, but…’

‘Thank you,’ I whisper. I lay a hand on one broad shoulder for balance and swing my leg over so I can straddle him. As I lowermyself down on him, my skirt flowing around me, the disbelief on his face grows. He looks like all his Christmases have come at once, poor guy. He bands an arm around my waist while his other hand slides through my hair to find the back of my neck as if in a dream.

‘What are you doing?’

I pause, gazing down at him. My fingertips skate over the dark, neatly trimmed beard I adore so much.

‘Showing you how much I appreciate you.’ I swallow. ‘Showing you how much I love you.’

He stills beneath me. His mouth opens, but no words come out.

‘I love you,’ I repeat, growing teary. ‘And I’ll never, ever be able to thank you for the way you’ve looked after me and Tabs.’ A pause. ‘And I miss you.’

I know he’ll get my meaning. I mean it how he meant it when he said it in his parents’ garden.

‘I miss you too,’ he whispers. ‘I love you too. And you don’t ever have to thank me. I did it because I love you. Both of you.’ His fingers drift absently through my hair, setting off a trail of goosebumps over my neck. His eyes are almost all pupil now, and they’re astonishing. ‘I think I’ve been in love with you since that very first time I laid eyes on you at the RA. I’ve never had that reaction to a woman. Never. And it’s just got stronger and stronger since then, sweetheart.’

I believe him. He may have had a funny way of showing it at times, but I believe that he loves me. I believed it when he told me in that waiting room, too.

And I can’t wait a second longer.

I dip my head and I kiss his lovely mouth, and oh my God, the second my lips touch his, the second my chin brushes against his soft beard, I’m spinning, soaring through the air, becauseImissed this so much.He’s provided me with so much physical comfort during Tabs’ medical marathon, but nothing beatsthis.

The drag of my lips against his.

The satisfaction of him opening for me.

The filthy slide of his tongue into my mouth as he gets the memo that I want this. I need this.

I shunt myself further forward and hit a serious bulge as he drags his hand lower and grabs my bottom, tugging me more closely against him. I moan into his mouth and claw at his short, silky hair with one hand as I let the other roam over his bicep. His shoulder. He’sso much, and I am fuckingstarving.

‘Did you come here to tell me you loved me or to get railed, love?’ he rasps in the low, dirty voice of a man rapidly losing control.

‘Both,’ I admit, grinding against him.Definitely both.

‘Fuck.’

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