Page 29 of Duplicity

Answer me

Double orgasm shellshocked

I came harder and louder than I’ve ever come in my life. TWICE. I’m so embarrassed. Who even am I?

Fucking YESSSSSSSSSS

You are exactly who you should be

I knew your inner goddess was hiding somewhere

Well played, Mr Sullivan. Well played.

CHAPTER 14

Marlowe

Dr Marcus Elliott may just be my new favourite person. He is patient, unflappable and reassuring, but his attraction lies mainly in the air of competence that streams out of him in waves, even from across the Atlantic and through my computer screen.

Yes, I can confirm that Dr Elliott is an insanely experienced paediatric cardiothoracic surgeon based at Duke Children’s Hospital in North Carolina, and he will be leading the team that takes on Tabby’s operation.

It’s happening.

OH MY GOD, IT’S HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry.

It’s just that the relief of knowing, after so many months and years of worrying about this operation, of having it hanging over me, that my daughter’s chance at a normal life will come at the hands of such an intensely skilled, experienced team is a rush the likes of which I’ve never, ever had.

The knowledge that this valve replacement is necessary has overshadowed every single day of my life for the past couple of years. In recent months, that dark shadow has morphed into aticking time bomb that colours every moment I have with my daughter and robs me of my sleep and my sanity.

Sometimes, when Tabby’s sleeping, I’ll sit on the edge of her bed with my hand on her chest, feeling and listening to her little heart beating. It does the best it can, but without a right-sized pulmonary valve, it’s not enough, and it’s falling more short every single day.

Dr Elliott and his team have a plan to end her suffering: to laparoscopically replace the valve with minimal invasion and the least risk to Tabby. My vocabulary around heart stuff is pretty good these days, but he speaks to me in plain English, laying out our journey and his plan. This initial meeting is heavy on information exchange and the lining up of our ducks in a nice, neat row. We discuss my daughter’s medical history, her recent blue spells, ortet spellsas the professionals call them, and her medication. He already has the full details of her previous operations from Great Ormond Street.

‘I know this must all seem very overwhelming,’ Dr Elliott tells me. His silver hair is neatly side-parted, and his smile is patient. He’s a good kind of older—experienced rather than doddery. I’d put him at late fifties. ‘But my team pioneered this kind of procedure in children. We see kids from all over the world with Tetralogy of Fallot. Without wanting to downplay the extreme importance of what we do, it’s our bread and butter. Tabby will be in excellent hands.’

I nod. It’s exactly what I needed to hear, but it’s still scary as fuck.

A transatlantic trip.

A new, strange hospital and medical team.

A major operation on the most important organ in her body.

‘I know,’ I say weakly. ‘In terms of timing, I’m hoping we can do it during the school holidays, but my job is in the UK. How long do you think she’ll need to be in hospital?’

He purses his lips in thought. ‘I would say the absolute minimum would be eight days. I’d be more comfortable with two weeks. I realise this is an extremely costly procedure in its own right, but if you could secure flat beds for the flight home, that would help with her discomfort.’

I scoff internally, because what the hell is another few grand when I’m already forking out six figures for this? The costs keep getting higher and higher.

Dr Elliott continues, oblivious to my spiralling. ‘A timeline that tight would require us to complete as much of the preparation as possible remotely at GOSH. All final pre-op tests would be carried out on the day you arrive, with surgery scheduled for the next day. You’re looking at three to five days of observation, either in or outside of the ICU, depending on how Tabby’s body responds to her new valve, and then another few days of short-stay monitoring. How does that sound?’

I’m nodding, I realise, and it’s an attempt to persuade myself as much as this kind man that this is doable. That Tabs and I can handle it. ‘Yep. Mmm-hmm.’

‘I know it sounds like a tight timeline,’ he says. ‘She’s welcome to stay longer, depending on your budget and your demands back in London. Just remember this, Miss Winters. Tabby isn’t systemically ill. She’s missing one crucial piece of equipment. And when we’ve switched that out, the effect on her entire system will be nothing short of miraculous. Yes, there’s a recovery period, but, barring any complications, we’d expect to see an immediate improvement in your daughter’s cardiopulmonary function. That means higher sats and much improved exercise tolerance, for starters.’

He smiles at me, and I can feel the reassurance of it through my screen. ‘What that means in practice is that she’ll be doing cartwheels and dancing her little socks off before you know it.’

---