Page 82 of Little Nightmare

“Hey.” I leaned back on the counter. “I just, I want you to know something.”

She had reached for her phone but pulled her hand back and faced me. “Okay.”

“It’s fine.” I licked my lips and struggled to get the words out. “I know this isn’t what you wanted and things are—comfortable.” Hell, I hated words today. “But I just want you to know. I can be okay. I will be okay, what I mean is it’s fine, if you look the other way.”

The buzz from the TV playing in the background had never been so loud.

“What do you mean look the other way?” she rasped, her eyes narrowed in on me like daggers. “Like down the street?”

“No.” My voice was cold, unfeeling. I forced it. “If you have an affair. Don’t even think twice about me. We have Lily to take care of and the threat seems to be magically gone ever since King ordered a new commission and killed off most of the syndicatethat infiltrated. You were in a coma. We got shit done. You woke up to a new life—one where you’re a bit safer than when you went to sleep. My job is to take care of you and Lily, but any other need you have—like I said, I’ll look away.”

I hated her in that moment for not reacting right away. I hated her for proving my theory right and I could only blame myself for getting so invested that the pain spreading down my arms was self-inflicted in the worst possible way.

It was like I just said, look I really think sweet potatoes are superior to normal potatoes, and she responded with, well if that’s how you feel.

Wait, did she really just say that out loud.

Her eyes flashed as she repeated the words. “If that’s how youfeel,Ace.”

I yelled after that, no I snapped and I lost my shit. How the hell is she turning this one me? “If that’s how I FEEL?”

“Yeah.” She backed away from me, hands on hips.

“HOW I FEEL?” I roared. “Do you even know how I feel right now? How fucking terrified I was when you were on that table dying? When we couldn’t get Lily out? Don’t just toss out how I feel as if it’s not important. Maybe you’d know how I feel if you actually asked. But yes, Raven, this is how I feel. Do whatever you want with your life as long as you stay safe and Lily stays safe. I’m fine.” I felt like dying and couldn’t remember how to breathe, but I was totally completely fine.

“Then what about you?” Her eyes snapped to mine with fury. “What about?—”

“I’ll fucking die a eunuch. I don’t know Raven!”

“You’re an idiot and guys have needs?—”

“Shit, if you keep talking right now I’m going to break something. I’m aware of what needs I have but I’m a little too focused on keeping the two of you alive and happy. That’s what I live for right now, not my fucking cock, so if you could pleaseeither react and punch me or prepare me for when you do start seeing other guys I’d really appreciate it, and I’d appreciate if you just kept it quiet since I’m not so sure my pride could take another blow right?—”

Her fist came flying so hard and fast, shocking the hell out of me that I didn’t even realize she’d punched me until the numbness in my cheek wore off and replaced itself with searing pain and tingling that radiated all the way down my neck and had my jaw in a chokehold. “You jack ass!”

“I was just?—”

“You were just being a complete dick! Do you even hear yourself? I was being sarcastic! Do you really want someone else stripping me naked? Do you want to share any part of me? What about that vow that my life is yours and yours is mine? Was that complete bullshit?”

“No.” I braced her by the shoulders. “But this is fucking worse than cutting off parts of my body—I can’t keep cutting from a heart I’ve already given away, Raven. It seeps into my bones, my blood, it keeps me awake at night. It’s a slow torture that never goes away. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t watch you suffer and take care of you and my own fucking feelings.”

“And how”—she glared—“do you feel?”

“Like I’m one confession away from disappearing—because I don’t know who I am without you by my side.”

Tears slid down her cheeks. She shoved past me and went into the kitchen. I hung my head.

What was done was done.

I should leave.

Get some fresh air.

Maybe get drunk.

No, that would be irresponsible.

Something hit me in the back of the head, it wasn’t a fist. I turned around and stared at the floor.

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