“Why does your mom hate me?” I demand. “What does she know about me and how does she know it?”
“She doesn’t hate you. She was upset and overreacting because of the stuff with my dad. She wants me back home, and I guess she kind of saw you as the reason for me staying in California.”
“You’re in California for law school,” I say, completely confused.
“I know. Because of my dad.”
“What? That doesn’t make any sense.”
“I can’t tell you more than that,” he says. “I’m really sorry. It could hurt my family. And it would definitely hurt you.”
The fact that I’m the last person who could judge him for keeping a dangerous family secret doesn’t do anything to lessen my anger and hurt.
“This is ridiculous,” I say. “I’m done talking.” I stand up to leave, but he grabs my hand as I walk past him.
“I’m not.”
I huff out a brief laugh. “Well, that’s no surprise,” I say sarcastically.
He shoots me an annoyed look but then drops his eyes to our hands and runs his thumb across my knuckles. When he looks up again, the remorseful puppy dog eyes are back. “I treated you like shit, and I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t even have let it…” His voice trails off.
“What?” I say, disbelief making my words tremble. “Let it get this far?”
His eyes drop back down to my hand, and he squeezes it gently. “Yeah.”
“Wow,” I say, feeling like he just took the air right out of my lungs. I snatch my hand away. It’s only my anger that’s keeping my tears at bay, and just barely at that. “Well, I’m so sorry I threw myself at you and forced you to hang out with me, Brady. Gosh, let me think of all the ways I let you take this too far. I took you out for coffee, I asked for your phone number, I invited you to a party, I asked for a ride to work, I invited myself back to your place, I took you on a date, I texted you all the time, I told you I’d run into a burning building for you— Oh, wait. That wasn’t me! It was you!” My voice has risen almost to a shout.
“Angela—”
“Fuck you.”
“It’s not about you,” he says. “It’s about my family.”
“It’s notabout me?” I exclaim, my eyes wide with disbelief. Jesus, is hetryingto make me cry? Okay, enough of this bullshit. I’m done here. “Well, today’s your lucky day, Brady. Turns out, I was going to tell you the same thing, that I shouldn’t have let it get this far. The operative word here being that I was going totellyou, not ghost you.”
“Yeah, I know. I was an idiot. I’ve never done this before.”
“Well, I don’t think you need extensive relationship experience to know how to break up with someone,” I say with as much sarcasm as I can muster while on the brink of tears.
“I’m not…doing that.”
“You can’t even say it!” I say, completely disgusted. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it, Brady. I’ll save you the trouble. We’re over. Whatever we were, we aren’t anymore. Okay?”
“No, not okay.” This time he stands up when I start to walk away, blocking me with his body. “Not okay, Angela.” He runs his hand through his hair. “I’ve been miserable. I don’t know what to do. I can’t be with you because of the stupid shit in my life, but I can’t be without you because…you’re…you’re…”
“I’m what?” I glare at him.
“You,” he says. The next thing I know, he’s pulled me against him. I freeze, my body rigid against his. “You’re you. You’re fearless, you work your ass off for everything you have, you’re hard and soft in just the right amounts. Okay, maybe a little more softness wouldn’t be so bad, but I’m not complaining. Anyway, you’re, like, nothing I ever expected. I didn’t expect you to be like you. I didn’t expect to ever meet anyone like you.”
I wrench myself free and give him a shove that makes him take a step backward. “I’m scared all the time,” I say, furious at the tears that spill from my eyes. “And you don’t know anything about me. You said it yourself.”
He tentatively closes the distance between us and puts a finger under my chin, tilting it up so I’ll look into those gentle green eyes. They aren’t puppy eyes anymore. The remorse is still there, but so are a lot of other things, too. Intense, scary things that make me weak in the knees. I’m no match for those eyes. Whatever is going on here, he’s going to win.
“Let me tell you what I know,” he says softly. “I know what you look like sleeping, I know how it feels to touch all of that gorgeous hair, I know how small your wrists feel when I wrap my hands around them. I know you’re a damn good liar, and I also know I can see through a lot of your shit. I know you’re brave and strong and smart as hell. I know you’d give up a life of luxury for a walk-up in Queens if it means getting to do the work that matters to you. I know you, Angela.”
I shake my head, more tears spilling.
“You want to know something else?” he says. I swallow and wait for him to continue. “Being without you felt like being without my family.”